I dedicate this blog to women who have taken back their bodies and their birthing experience and peacefully given back the power they once gave away.
I don't believe that things just happen to us. I believe we all manifest what things happen and what we get is what we asked for.
Carter's Journey to the outside world
In December 2001 I was pregnant with our youngest child, Carter, and due March 23,2002. I was surfing the net for birth stories and attracted a fabulous birth site unassitedchildbirth.com. I was hooked! The more stories I read the better I felt, I knew this was for us and so the journey began.
Now as I do with anything passion I find I dive into the water and submerse myself in it. I secretly began planning and preparing for this new birthing experience. I ordered 5 books on Unassisted birthing and read them all in a week. I was gaining a since of power just planning this birth. Then the next step came and that was to let Blake and my friend and midwife, Dixie in on it. I still remember the look on Blake's face when I told him we would be birthing our baby together just him and I. "What the F###?" were the exact words he used and then he proceeded to call me crazy and no way was he going to let that happen.
Now Blake and I had already had Mitchel our first home birth with Dixie (midwife/friend) and things had gone well enough for taken Castor oil and pushing out a almost 10 pd baby after having only 7 pounds or under. But I did tear up and still felt like I was still not the one in the drivers seat. I felt like home birth was definitely what I wanted and I just wanted more.
As the weeks pasted and still I had not told Dixie and Blake was not supporting me yet (I knew he would come around) I just began to meditate and visualize me birth. I started eating 100% raw foods and I became even more clean on what I wanted.
Each afternoon after Mitchel was napping I would get in the bath with all the lights off and light candles and play music (Jewel and Enja). I began to imagine how easy and pain free labor would be and even added a few organisms in there because I had read about other UA birth were women had had organisms. I felt very calm and serene about the birth and yet at the same time Blake and I still debating and I could not get up the nerve to let Dixie in on it.
February arrived and Dixie had come to visit us in St. George, UT where we were living for a prenatal visit and a conference we were attending together. She listened to the heart beat and felt around my belly. The baby was breach and she told me it was probably because something was going on with B and I and the baby could sense it(she was totally correct). So I decided to wait to tell her because now B was even more against UA. I stopped talking to Dixie and decided that at my next appointment I would let her know. I had also made up my mind that I wanted this UA birth so much that I would have the baby on my own even if B was not there.
4 weeks later B insisted on an ultra sound to see if the baby was still breach. I went along with it even though I knew everything was fine and I was NOT concerned. He was fine and I told Dixie as I was leaving. Looking back I wish I had told her sooner because the relief of telling her made me feel so good. B and I were not so good and I kept begging him to just read on of the books on UA and then if he still felt that concerned we could talk. He refused and my due date came and went.
On Tues. March 23 I was so excited and thought we would be holding our little one in our arms when I went to the bathroom and my mucus plug came out. Now this was the only time until the placenta came out that I bled and personally I think it was Carter's was of warning us to get together on the birth. Still no baby and no B and I coming to an understanding. Weeks passed and I was starting to get a bit concerned. Then on the even of April 1st I began to experience 5 min apart contractions and I thought for sure this was the day. Again I knew this was Blake's baby with his sense of humor because the baby was either playing games or telling us to get together.
More and more days moved on and then finally on Sunday morning April 14, B came in and told me he was on board and wanted to go hiking at Zion. I felt so good still and even better after he said that I wanted to go. On our drive up to Zion B told me he only read a few pages in one of the books. The women wrote about how women all over the world today have always had their own babies, alone. How natural it was yadda yadda yadda. Did I not say these say words and more? YES and did he listen?? Who cares all I knew was it was time for baby to come NOW since he would not come without his dad.
The next evening April 15 I went into a very good labor and what did I do? After waiting and waiting and longing to finally holding my baby, I could not have my baby on tax day! Many of you right now must thing this lady is a bit or more nuts but I wanted this babies day to be a positive one and not one most people dread. So the very next day I took my bath, with meditation and spoke to our baby and we all decided that the 16 was the day. I got out got dressed and started outside to garden.
Around 6 pm I began to get light hugs (contractions) and around 8 their were getting 5 min apart. I got into the bath turned on the music and lit the candles. As the minuets pressed on and the pain increased B came in and started to BE with me. Danyell (our oldest daughter, 13) came in and we all laughed and talked, between contractions. Mitchel came in and out and then just went into the other room with his brother, Marc (11 years). Breeana (6.5 yrs) fell asleep and B put her to bed. By 9pm the hugs were becoming very uncomfortable and B got out the other kids photo albums and we started to talk about the 3 babies he had missed, in between hugs, and during these intense hugs he would kiss me and that just seemed to very much lessen the pain.
9:45 pm or there about (I was not really keeping tract of exact time) I could feel the babies head and the water had not yet broke. I asked Danyell and Marc if they wanted to feel the water? Marc was grossed out by the thought of me asking and Danyell was interested. I was getting restless and so I wanted B to break my water. He could not do it because he said his fingers were too big. I was frustrated with pain and so I reached down and pinched the bag with my nails pulled and the water broke.
The real fun started at 10pm approached and Mitchel was ready for his "nummies" to go to sleep. I could not nurse him at this moment and so Danyell took a screaming Mitchel out of the bathroom and at the same time the hugs were at top pain. I told myself to focus on the love between B and I with no relief the hugs were coming one on top of the other with no relief. I started to talk to the baby and begged to please give me just a little break and within a minute I could feel my body start to push. Now I had never felt this total reaction of my body and I just kept reminding myself to allow the baby to push and I resisted the urge. I wanted to catch the baby myself but could not get my hands secure enough between my legs, so I commanded B to catch the baby because he was coming.
Now as I describe the next event I must let you know that it is as if like in those movies I've seen were time stands still and yet one or two people can still converse while the rest of the people and room is frozen.
Blake caught the baby and brought him up to me, I could see he was blue and that the cord (I have really long cords) was wrapping around his neck 3 times. It as if I did not even have time to be scared or panic. I just simply unwrapped the cord and turned him over on my arm in a straddle position and began to rub his back. At this point I realize he is a boy because I can feel his enlarged baby penis.
As I turn him over and held him in my arms I looked into his eyes as he looked into mine and this moment that was only a moment seemed like there was a whole conversation of appreciation and elation going on between he and I. As we looked into one an other's eyes we both began to smile and thank each other for the most incredible moment in my life. He never cried or made any noise beyond breathing. As I looked up to B all I could say was he is here and we did it, we did it!
As I stepped out of the tub I could feel my placenta drop out of me and when I tell you I have long cords I am not kidding you, I had the baby in my arms with the placenta in the tub and there was still some slack. B put the placenta into a pan and we went to nurse, both babies mind you, in the bedroom. Although I must say nursing an infant and toddler took some time and getting use to. After I had Mitchel to sleep B cleaned up and we started trying on names. I was very caught off guard I was certain he was a she and we only had a female name.
The next day B finally came up with using my maiden name, Carter (Howard Navarre), and so it fit him. The next day we borrowed the neighbors scale and 6 pounds even and 21 inches. He was very overdue I could tell by his very dry skin and his weight compared to his length. I read that babies that are overdue begin to lose weight. WOW, Source thought of everything. I was not really sore and ended up only bleeding for 2 weeks and very little at that. I did not tear and felt great.
I did not sleep for three days from the excitement and empowerment I gained. It has been over 5 years since Carter's birth and I still remember most every detail. I loved every one of my babies births and though I remember most of the details of each one of them, Carter's was the only one I felt empowered were the others I felt dis empowered.
I feel so at peace and grateful still to this day for the wonderful journey Carter, Blake, and I had. We created Carter and we brought him into this world together and if I could inspire any women wanting total self empowering control over your birthing experience I absolutely recommend at least the thought of an unassisted home birth.
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1 comment:
what a wonderful story, thank you for sharing it.
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