Sunday, December 16, 2007

Challenge v Anger, Lets Rise to Creativity

So I am writing here on an observation of highly creative highly emotional energetic people like myself and looking back now realizing why I was in the principals office more than the class room for a many a years. Until recently I thought I must have been a bad kind because there was all this disapproval going on with all the adults. NOW through my observation of my young child self and my son Mitch, who is sooo much an expansion of me, realized that it is only when my son or myself is/was not creatively challenged that is when the frustration, trapped, anger, etc emotions come up for myself and him. I and people with these very creative intellectual minds are not bad they are extremely smart displaying their emotions of any given situation very outwardly. I remember having certain teachers that had a lot of creative extra activities (beyond school regurgitation) and those school years I did spend most of the time in their class and not in the principals office and felt satisfied

Now since Mitch, Bree, and Carter are in life learning school (unschooling) I am constantly inspired to provide challenging games, tools, anything I can think of and providing the things they ask for available to them around the house since this is part of the world learning environment they are apart of. I notice that when Mitchel feels unable to pass a level (for the moment)in his video game he stops playing and during that phase of space in between going back to the game or finding the next challenge he is restless and many times he outwardly displays hitting others and fierce anger towards me. These are only emotions that are not personally against anyone just his displaying of needing the next challenge and yet not knowing how to ask for it. 

I have learned sooo very much about myself through watching Mitchel (my true mirror). When I looked into his soul through the first connection when he was born I realized that he is a mature being he is creative and intelligent and not that all of my children are not he is just so to the front out there in life grabbing life and asking for knowledge and powerful in his being. 
He wears his emotions on his shoulders and can swing from the most loving person to the most almost unbearable to live with. Knowing that I see soooo very much of me in him I rise to the challenge to understand (even though I make retakes (mistakes) so many of the time) him and this inspires more awareness of myself and consciousness comes about naturally through this being. 

Since all of this new found awareness of myself and Mitchel I can see that perhaps peoples negative actions could be in large part do to the lack of creative challenge. How can young people sit in a class room and be asked to memorize this or that when it does not mean anything. There is no challenge no creativity in the process of public or private education? In this system there is no room for movement or questions or growth, when life is all of these and more. How is it that the US nation is so abundant and yet the "education system" is so poor. My opinion and observation is that it is the drop outs, home schoolers, unschoolers, the creative ones that created and still create this country. Especially the children born today and more so into the future they are an expansion us of this time and space more and more these beings will come in demanding more challenges and being more and more creative. I can feel in my soul that the systems of control and separation are on the brink of the fall and in there space with BE a more creative world of oneness with more light and love for all to grow to expand to move. 

I write these words for awareness for change for self conscious healing. Everything I see inside my soul I already know will BE for all thought IS! I know that we are all powerful god-essence beings capable of everything we put our minds to I just hope that those thoughts are for all good.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Practice BEING HAPPY no matter what

I feel so amazed and grateful for the friends I have manifested in my life. A great friend of mine read my last blog entry and then personally possed the thought to me that perhaps I could find a way to be happy without needing anything first. I am not sure why I feel so sad, why I am not sleeping and why I am also so angry at my loved ones, I have a great life and I can not really give myself a reason for my attitude lately. Then another friend within my wonderful group who is a massage theripist said she experienced negative stuff when she first started giving massage early in her career. Releasing her clients pain and taking it on herself. 
I am now asking myself:
Am I taking on others pains?
Can I be happy without anything?

I am not sure if I am taking on others pains? Just the awareness to be conscious of this gives me an avenue.
Yes I can BE Joyous without anything. A thought came to me recently as a was watching a group of unschooling children play, Do I practice BEING HAPPY, BEING JOYOUS, BEING in the place that I desire? I know that when I am "playing" or focused on being in joy that I am at peace and feeling joyous. Most importantly I treat myself and others well.

How do I love to play and what do I want to focus on in the NOW:
1. I love to feel the sun's heat and feel the suns rays hug my body.
2. I love to jump on the trampoline especially with my children hearing them laugh and giggle.
3. I feel so relaxed when I am croqueting.
4. I feel so cozy laying in bed reading to Mitch, Carter, and Bree (when she lets me). It is our moment to connect, communicate and enjoy the peace and calmness of the evening.
5. Dream of my road trips as if I am already there, dream of my Costa Rica home that I saw in a dream one evening 1 and 1/2 years ago, or the vision of the Green TV show I have visions of, when I am dreaming as if I am already there I feel so excited, even a since of knowing 
6. I look forward to my life now and everyday as now I think aging is so honorable (no longer the doom and gloom of the previous thoughts), my vision of living beyond a hundred years and realizing that I have so much time to do anything I would choose to do. 
7. I have this new found love and liking of myself and who I am. I love being my own friend, going to movies by myself, taking myself to eat and realizing that I am so amazing. (In the past I never liked to even look at myself in the mirror and thought I was a bad person and not worthy of the life I had within me.)
8. I love listening to my ipod and listen to music from Beethoven to Fergie or teaching of Abraham-hicks, Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, Neale Donald, etc. Hearing the words of spirituality from those inspiring people overwelms my soul with so much peace, like hearing words that I already knew (even said and thought some of them as a child) and just now hearing for the first time and knowing it is truth because for me I feel powerful and have a sense of pure knowing deep within my soul. 
9. I love to "dance as if no one is looking", I feel as free as a bird. (I would love to fly like a bird).
10. I love to paint and create art it is beautiful to me. 
11. I love seeking out more play and fun and that feels joyful and adventurous. 

WoW it is amazing that just the thought of those joy-play I feel the tickle in my stomach and an anticipation of doing and appreciation of my life and who I am and where I am. I know I am an expanding being and apart of the whole of the unvierse of GODESSENCE.

I think about the amazement of this world and the perfection of it all, life will always continue, happen, grow, be, how abuntant and connected. 

I wish all NAMASTE!!
"I honor the Spirit in you which is also in me." -- attributed to author Deepak Chopra
"I honor the place in you in which the entire Universe dwells, I honor the place in you which is of Love, of Integrity, of Wisdom and of Peace, When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are One."
"I salute the God within you."
"I recognize that we are all equal."
"The entire universe resides within you."
"The divine peace in me greets the divine peace in you."
"Your spirit and my spirit are ONE." -- attributed to Lilias Folan's shared teachings from her journeys to India.
"That which is of the Divine in me greets that which is of the Divine in you."
"The Divinity within me perceives and adores the Divinity within you."

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

What's Up?

New Family photos oh how fun!

Ok I know I have not blogged for a very long time. I will spare you from all the 1001 reasons why I have not been blogging. So here it is midnight on Dec 11 and I am blogging. . . 

Anyone that knows me knows I just can not be cold yet here I live in Las Vegas freezing and cold. I have even been feeling a bit sad and depressed I NEED the sun. Unlike those of you out there loving the "change of seasons" I love warm wonderful sun and sunny rain. So I am also into seasons, avocado, persimmon, mango, etc season. My diet changes with season from Banana's and Oranges to Melons of any kind by the change in season. Now without heaters and layers of clothing and houses (shelter) many on you would not enjoy the season of snow, sleet, COLD. 

For some years I have felt very sad come Dec, Jan and Feb I came to a conclusion today that I might have to be in the tropics very soon (at least in winter) or I could soon go insane from sadness. I LOVE being in joy and I am such a fun person when I am in that joy way. I was thinking that I just need to practice being in joy even if I fake it that way I will still be in practice when I find the sun and joy again.

Living in the moment and reading "Dance of the Dissident daughter"
So I have felt very restless for a many a months now and it is only getting worse. I love being a gypsy and love moving around (RV here I come) and I have now been in Vegas 3 years and lived in this house for almost 2 years straight I am so ready to leave, explore, run, jump, and live on sunshine. Yet in my moment I know I still have a lease until end of Jan and my daughter is having a baby in March and wants my help for a bit after the baby is born. Just between you and I, I am feeling trapped and caged I really would like to leave today this moment and fly out into the sky like a bird released from a cage. No in this moment I am laying in bed wanting to be thankful for being here in the bed in the same house for almost 2 years and in Vegas for 3 years and remain in Vegas until May (can you hear the gratefulness). I feel I have grown so much in the past 2 years and now I feel I am gaining momentum and all the stuff is slowing my momentum down and damn it I love momentum. 
I am enjoying me and I am ready to move forward.  After being a mommy and totally devoted to my children and losing myself in the mommy who is "Darlene" role I am on to a new chapter in my life book. I like and love myself and finally giving myself permission to be me I am ready to explore my wants and desires. Finally get on the road and see the world through my eyes. Sandal up family cause you are with Darlene no longer the mommy and wife and housekeeper--the wild, fun, crazy, adventurous, hippy gypsy, joy seeking person that I just found after a many a years and I am ready to ride the wave with you all as your best friend. 
I know that a many women out there love the mom title and love being mom. Don't get me wrong I loved having my children and will always love the birthing and nursing and all that comes with the baby scene and I feel like when the mom title comes in as the kids start to grow and all that parenting stuff happens so does the vision of fun and self. I feel like I turn into a control person and yet when someone calls me by my name I am removed from those notions of control and "parenting" and I get to be the inspiring friend and confidant and I love those thoughts. 
I think my children choose me and me them so to experience joy and contrast through their eyes and live their lives. Control is a world I unconsciously allow myself to fall into once in a while, consciously I believe the people that came through my body are strong beings capable of all they need to live their lives and be. WOW I feel so great when I write those words. Victimless world full of strong being guiding themselves towards what thoughts they think. All capable of creating a life of their choice. I feel so fabulous when I think and feel this way, I think it must be right because I feel so close to my source. 

Well for now I think I have said enough here's to the sun and when we all will allow all to be.
I will be singing a manifesting song of "Here comes the sun" and How grateful I am to be a pendulum that swings through the trees full of sadness one moment and happiness the next.