I am not sure a women truly understands what being a mother is all about. After all like anything there is not even really guild lines until one experiences anything. For instance explain to a young child or anyone for that matter what touching a "hot" stove is about. Describe "Hot" until a person touches the stove "hot" means nothing and so as a mother I finally learned to stand back and allow my children to touch, feel, smell, taste, experience first hand so they themselves can have first hand experience. Now how you may ask does touching a stove and math have anything to do with one another well let me explain.
I was born having to experience first hand what everything was about. Touching the stove, doing drugs, drinking, smoking, sex, living, breathing, etc.. You can not warn me on anything if it looks even the least bit fun I am going to experience it for myself. So I choose in my ever sexually driven ways to experience being a mother 5 wonderful times. Not realizing so many things that I eventually am learning. 5 multiplied by 2 equals 10 multiplied to the power of ???? See?? Let me explain. . .
My oldest daughter, Danyell, lives with her now life partner, Cris, who is now my new son (did not have to deliver this one thank goddess) and they are having their first baby ???? in March 2008. WOW I am a DEE DEE (no grandmother name here thank you)!! I am very excited and sad at the same time. I love babies: nursing, their smell, their cuddle, the looks and innocence, bonding, sleeping with them etc. I dont like that I loose who I am in them and forget about me. So for me I am happy that Danyell gets to be a mommy. This is now her adventure and not mine and for that it feel mixed (happy she is the mommy and missing the fun mommy stuff I do love). I am a home-birther (unassisted) and long term breast feeder (7 yrs so far) and I get to come to terms within myself that this is her experience and no matter what I did she may choose differently.
This is my part of the journey, letting go and accepting this is not my journey. What I am finding is that for the most part how children are raised does not always influence their decisions of how they will parent or be. YES she is having a midwife (by my soul mother, Dixie) at our home birth and YES she is going to breast feed for ? Then she told me no I am not going to home school! Another WOW to the heart and then I just get to remind myself to let go and let my ego cry a bit. She was home schooled most of her life, school, school at home (homeschool) and finally unschooled. She always said she liked it?? Second I start thinking "is this not about the child's wants and needs and not Danyell's?" Then I let go again and reminded myself that this is her journey, she is and was apart of my journey but she is not mine (ownership). She came with her own journey her own life, to live and experience her own contrast through her own perspective.
Currently she is throwing up and I am feeling the best I can physically feel, now I am apart of her and not her. This is her fun her journey her life and I am so grateful for that.
Ok so 7 in our family became 9 and then became 10.5 ?? See Marc (16yrs) also added a new addition to our family with his partner Salina,18yr (another child I get to enjoy and not birth). Salina and Marc live together in our home. They are perfect for each other. Yin and Yang, he is strong willed and loves to be in control of everyone and everything. Yet I think he does this out of wanting to do want he thinks is best for all. Salina, is so into being with Marc, calm, sweet and laughs all the time. When his temper flares she is there to help calm him. It is so cute and sweet so sappy. They say they will be waiting for children (after a very close call) and so we have Bella my granddog (the .5). They both are unschooling in the strangest way in their room with lots of fun noises coming out from time to time. They do not have employment at this time but I am hopeful that someday that will end, soon with no pressure from me.
WOW
My little tribe of 7 is growing and will eventually be ? Amazing how life works out. I am under the impression that our babies come through us as a portal to come back into this universe without always choosing you per say but just you to get out here and get busy again experiencing contrast and expanding their source. I will still be the mom-friend that I am, in the way I do it because I feel good doing it and I never know what I do that my children may like and come back to eventually. My journey is mine and they are who they are and I get to stand back and keep saying over and over "Life is Perfect" I will go with the flow down stream!!!
Every Ending is a New Beginning
After a volcano eruption life grows beyond amazement.
My baby time (for this life time) is over and yet life goes and grows still.
expanding my source and knowledge I love learning through experience and contrast,
Darlene
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