Friday, June 27, 2008

Creation in the Process

So in continuum to my last blog I sat down with one of my goddess sister's , Petra, and she inspired me to do something for myself (family) that I could do all the time, never get tired, and (for my requirement) my children could participate. See I have been feeling bored due to my own lack of being creative. Also I want to inspire my children in a real life setting to learn math, reading, writing, with purpose not just because. 
I also have wanted to start a restaurant ever since I was cooking food/waiting in restaurants years ago. So I thought I love preparing food, raw food, being around people (especially conscious aware people whom many times tend to eat either raw, organic or vegetarian foods), and being with my children. Food cooking- preparing is and has been a long life love of mine and my children and others love eating my raw food or vegan creations. I know all the yada with the down falls of owning a restaurant. I am focusing on the family business, ownership, fun and unity of a loving food community restaurant. 
I will also incorporating my "leaver" values of green living in anyway possible, hopefully we can put solar panels on the roof, low VOC paints, low lighting and organic or local farmers when ever possible. I will also be providing others food that in prepared in a positive loving creative setting full of conscious artistic efforts. Delicious simple creations complete with nutrition and care will be served. I have inspired my children so much Mitchel said "I will bring out the food for the people" Carter "I want to clear off the table" Bree "I could get my own cell phone with the money I earn" and Danyell will co-mange the restaurant and get to bring her baby packed on her back. Eventually Blake can quit his job that takes him so far away and be more present with us.
I believe an idea in which there is a win win in heart will bring forth greatness and prosperity! Our family wins, our friends and guests of our establishment win and the environment wins. In my heart I feel this creation aligns with my well being! I invite one and all to IN-JOY and experience the well beingness of the tasty nibbles in life and create an environment lovingly served with your heart and soul in mind!
Come In-Joy where you are always welcome!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Change is in the Air

There are seasons in the life of a mother. My seasons have come and circled back 2 times. I had 2 children close together and 4 1/2 years later had another child and then again 4 1/2 yrs later I had 2 more children close together. The baby season is over in my universe and for the last time I am entering the era of childhood 6 to 12 years old, while Breeana enters her teen years. Each stage is special and I enjoy and learn with these young people in my life through their differences as much as their similarities. I feel grateful to connect with these young minds and yet I feel a sense that something has always been missing. 

Now with Danyell and Marc gone out of the home, Breeana in Montessori school (by court order with Ex husband) and Mitchel and Carter doing their own explorations in life my role as their ever needed mother is becoming less of call. For the first time in my life I can not get enough books to read, I even went as far as to read a book a second time (a first for me). I am croqueting and living in my ever favorite movable home that I can not really move for at least the next 3 to 5 years. I have played this role as mother to babies since I was 16 years old and now 20 years later (wow that is hard to believe) I am experiencing new feelings. I feel content, happy and at the same time even boredom. 

One of my all time favorite novels is The Red Tent which is rather odd when I think about the fact that it is written as a biblical Jewish novel and I am anti religious (not anti spiritual). Yet I adore the the female bonding and support that Anita Diamant creates within her characters and historically I envy that part of the time back then when women were so supported to take time for themselves. There was so much love and support between sisters, mothers, daughters and just the relationships with women in the book I found fascinating. The second time I read it I started to think about the order of life and how do we know or how are we inspired to know what do our fathers or mothers do. 

Take breast feeding or home birth or even to earn a living, how do things happen, unfold, and take place in the natural order of our human race. In the past I have chastised women for feeding her child a bottle or women birthing their babies in an environment made from fear and medical emergencies. Our world is so big with media and children shoved off to school at 5 years of age how else do we learn? In false environments of separation and mindless "education" instead of inspired in real life roles. 

My sons really have no idea what their father does or how he does it. They spend the day with me doing just about everything for them and their sister, it seems artificial as if we have to make up things to do or the need for constant video games or TV and not real life living or community support. Not that I am saying that doing things for my children is bad, I just feel that there is a break in the natural order of a tribal community. A community in which girls learn to be women and are supported by women and boys learn to be men through a support system where fathers take their sons or sons of the community to "work" to learn what fathers do to support the family. 

I feel in my heart that being apart of a tribe is part of human instinct, the way we learn and grow is so important in a real life environment. In many countries this tribal culture still exists and in many cases holds on by a meir thread. For the others that have disconnected from this way of living I can feel that eventually as more and more people become spiritually conscious and connected so to will the tribal culture regain its power and one in which people men and women alike will come to equality and respect without separation in color, gender or age. 

Perhaps to appreciate the connection of oneness humans had to create the illusion of separateness and disconnect for a time. I love the prospect of tribal connection and I believe that it is important to start with myself and so I have created a tribe through friends. I will continue to create an environment within our family that will give Breeana a connection to women and the hows of being a mother, wife and also myself with my own interests. I will create a business with Mitchel and Carter to bring back the family business community and Blake will join and be the male influence in their life. Change starts with one idea, one thought and one with action. The rest is history!

Friday, June 20, 2008

A New Role in the Life of Young Men

Mitchel and Carter became uncles at the age of almost 8 and 6. At first Carter the "baby" of the family did not take well to his new role. Honestly I was a bit surprises to see Mitchel display such love and affection towards his new nephew, his display of the tough-guy just melted away the moment he held his new friend. I was not sure how Carter would react being that Danyell (Jake's mom and Carter's sister) has played a role to Carter as second mommy for most of his young life. For the past 3 and 1/2 months of Jake's life Carter refused to be uncle Carter and act knowledge him as no more than a pest. 
2 weeks ago while we were all over at Danyell's house Carter started to take to Jake. I just kept telling my daughter Danyell who was a little uneasy about Carter's behavior towards Jake to just "give Carter his space and he will come around." Carter did come around in his own time and now he gets to experience how to be gentle and soft towards his new found buddy and I believe from all the kissing and constant hugs that Carter and Jake are on a loving path. 

I think these are more unschooling experiences of allowing with honor and love. Just like reading, math or in this case compassion once anyone is given the space and opportunity life learning just happens and a child or adult can grow and expand. I think the best gift I can hope to offer these being that choose me to play their mother is love and space to be. I have experienced the importance of what it is to just BE WITH my child not be them or expect them to do or be anything they do not desire for themselves. I would love to inspire other parents to just give children their own space and just be their watching on their side. Watch them grow think and figure out how strong and special each one is.

 As I write this Carter is playing with magnets, what I can see from my point of view is the little figures put together from his hands and imagination, even more there is a glow in his eyes, and the energy of wellness and that all is perfect!

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Sunday Filled Free Daze and Perfection

As I lye here in bed reading The Secret Life of Bees all morning and afternoon I feel a sense of peace and serenity. I look over to Carter who is playing the Xbox 360 Lego Star Wars and I can hear in the distance Mitchel on the computer challenging himself to a game he is so intent on winning. I am taken back to my childhood and the contrast. It has only been in the past 2 years or so when reading has been such a joy for me as I was growing up Saturdays were cleaning and then maybe play time Sundays where church going days and filled with lots of going around and frustration between my parents so thick you could cut it with a knife. Monday through Friday was school and never did feel that I just had time to be. 

I often think what my children will take from their experience in the time space reality when I play the role of mother just about 24 hours a day? Here I have 5 different people who choose to enter my life and me to have the pleasure to accommodate them in their journey and yet they have 5 different perspectives of what their experiences are. I am not sure what kind of mother they see through their beautiful eyes and I know I improve as life moves on and maybe that is all I can really do. I would like to think I allow them to be who they choose to be and take their journeys where they want them to go. As much as I know we naturally make distinctions between what suits us and what does not I know for sure that I will choose for myself what works for myself and not for others. 

Time for what I see and experience means everything and nothing at the same time. Time in the sense of space and progress and not clock time. It is what I feel as if I could imagine a tree senses the seasons, they come and go and will come again. I have experienced many spaces of time and my memory fills me full of joy and if I am not present enough even sadness at times. At the same time I have gained a stronger realization of illusion a knowing that I have been on this earth many times and there will be many more times here is to experience joy and even times of powerlessness in order to see, really see the true humor of life not take this world so literal, so serious. 

My mind drifts and I think,
In this moment Marc 17yrs is choosing a life I know nothing of. Dumbing his experience down with drugs to somewhere I do not know, for he has ran away. I have see in his eyes his illusion of torment and pain all self inflicted. He is perfect we are all perfect. I know this is now his journey where my role is one more of arms open wide full of love and to assure him all is well when he chooses. He tells me he sees himself as broken, lost and confused. I remain rooted in the earth full of peace and a knowing that all will be well for him and for all. From a distance even the storm is beautiful and perfect. 

I remember more knowing experiences,
Years ago Carter was in a hospital with many babies in an ICUnit the doctors would not tell me he was going to exit this earth yet all I could see was fear in their eyes that he would not pull through. I started to feel so powerless to do anything and then my spiritually connected friend, Dixie, reminded me that all would be well. We all choose our life and death no matter how ugly it may seem or who will be sad, our best role as the mother was to be the supporter of their choices.  I went over to Carter and I could feel his confession to leave or to stay. I dug deep into the part of my soul where knowing remains and whispered in his ear it is OK to rest let the doctors do what they do, I support your decision if you choose to leave I will miss you and I will understand. The next day hope entered the energy of the room and I know he had decided to stay. 

I am grateful I am allowed to be here enjoying this Sunday no need for church or frustration. These wonderful beings these children that choose me to play their mother, are free to be on a journey all their own, and connected to me to all at the same time. I will remain knowing that this is a victimless universes all well. They are strong they are connected to all and to spirit all at the same time. I feel peace and strength. I had children to be educated about something I came in knowing and maybe forgot a bit of before they came, I wanted the reminder, the in site into a universes beyond sight deep into the soul. 

Chapter 10 is waiting along with Mitchel and the computer.
Life is perfect
Life is Bliss!


Saturday, June 7, 2008

Educators Via Teachers and just 4 Laughs

I love gross humor and people who know how to redirect and inspire others in a peaceful manner. The story below has both.

This story is of a principle and some teen aged girls in school and although I am not an industrial eduction supporter I loved the way this principle redirected or rather inspired this group of girls to stop the unwanted behavior of lipstick on the bathroom mirror. Only for example purposes only, not that I see anything wrong with lipstick and mirrors.

Beware I was only told this story so I am paraphrasing:
After countless times of courteous requests by the school principle a group of girls kept on insisting on kissing the bathroom mirror as they left the building. The principle decided that a demonstration in front of the entire class of young girls (so not to single out anyone in particular) might do the trick. After everyone congregated in the bathroom the principle proceed to dip a rag into the toilet and swish it around and clean the toilet. Then he took the same rage and started wiping off the bath mirror (former place of lipstick). Needless to say there was never any lipstick on the bathroom mirrors. LOL

Take life with humor it is Bliss!!

Friday, June 6, 2008

Create Your Universe on Purpose

I feel an overwhelming gratitude for the connections I have created in my universe. For my friends and family and the family/friends who I refer to as the family I created on the planet NOW. 
As I was driving by a gas station yesterday and looked over to see the current price of a gallon of fuel I believe my heart skipped a beat when I saw fuel starting at $4.01 a gallon. I consciously began to feel a sense of gratefulness towards to people in charge of this fuel process. 
Now you are probably thinking I am crazy. You are right and I have a belief that we are all connected! We are part of the whole that makes up all this time space reality. I feel there is a focus going on in our world of fear over the fuel prices, over war in oil countries, and all associated with this subject. I have too been there myself and done just that and NOW I am and have changed my perspective to one of thankfulness -GRATITUDE! 
I think change happens so perfectly when the contrast is so strong, like fuel prices raising at such a rapid rate! Desire coming when there is pain, perhaps in your pocket book, if one is not careful desire out of pain or helplessness will only creates more pain and helplessness and more raising fuel prices. Desire when there is simply a contrast of what is not wanted is there to create positive emotion of wanting in a perspective of creativity, as in an alternative to fossil fuel and clean energy. 
As a culture we have been using fossil fuels to power many of our daily pleasures for about 100 years now. Now is the time for change! I feel the change is coming! I feel the energy in the wave of creative minds going to work quickly (because of the contrast of rising fuel costs and the environmental attentions) to create something so amazing we may all rise to the feeling of possibly POWERFULNESS.
We all  feel contrast within our being and consciously we can choose to be grateful. Grateful that we have the beautiful or not so beautiful contrast and KNOW that all it well and perfect. We are here on this wonderful time space reality to experience all the contrast provided to us perfectly and in all the right timing. As you read this my wish goes out to you to gain awareness and KNOW that there IS perfection in all contrast and only by striving for consciousness will we see it. 
I would love to see us join each other in a conscious effort through our thought, words and actions and feel at least hopeful that there is a wonderful solution to all the not so beautiful contrast that we are experiencing around us. 
Join the conscious movement as be! We are walking through a bed a roses can you smell, see, feel, and taste the beauty that you wish to create in the NOW (not the thorns that we may step on along the way)?

With Bliss,

I feel hopeful for the future of human kind

May 19, 2008
Milk of human kindness

PERSONAL CONTRIBUTION: Ms Jiang Xiaojuan is helping to nurse eight babies affected by the quake.

A CHINESE policewoman is contributing to the country's massive earthquake relief effort in a very personal way - by breast-feeding eight babies.
A newspaper in Chengdu, the capital of quake-hit Sichuan province, yesterday devoted a special page to 29-year-old Jiang Xiaojuan, calling her a 'hero' while Web users hailed her as 'the most beautiful mother' in the world.

Ms Jiang, from the quake-ravaged town of Jiangyou, has just had a child herself, the Western Daily reported. She is breast-feeding the children of three women who have been left homeless by the quake and are too traumatised to nurse, as well as five orphans, the report said.

One mother, Ms Chen Tanghua, 36, said she has been unable to breast-feed her six-month-old son. He had been crying from hunger until Ms Jiang offered to breast-feed him.

The babies who lost their parents have been put in an orphanage which does not have powdered milk, the newspaper reported. It said Ms Jiang brushed off a reporter's questions about her deed by saying: 'All mothers love children. Nursing a few babies is no big deal.'