Thursday, September 13, 2007

Power For One and Power For ALL!

I know that being a parent has given me the most contrast of both Joy, Powerlessness and every emotion in between. As a young child I did not want to be a mother. During my contrasting teen years I thought of the idea of becoming a mother and a month later law of attraction came in the form of a positive pregnancy stick. I was not a young minded 16 year old girl I was a mature 16 year old who grew up faster than my mom and dad cared for. I had already spend over a year out on my own and had ideas that a baby would feel a void in me of loneliness. Being a parent was going to be easy because I would be a different parent than that of my parents. I would be the cool mother and my child/ren and I would be best friends. I am here to confess my parenting life has been a roller coaster ride and from one minute to the next I want to keep standing in line to go again and get off the minute it feels like I am going to fall-fail. 

It has been quite an adventure through the past 19 years and 5 children later. I feel such appreciation for all the ways I have grown and expanded through the assistance of these 5 people who choose me as their mother.  I did start off with all great intentions and yet somehow I took hold of those oars and started to show my 2 older children just how to be unhappy and row up stream hard and long with lots of force and control. As each child entered my life, the contrast expanded. Each of these beings came complete with their own unique personality and more and more I was being challenged to look at myself in the mediafor mirror. As they grew I could see and hear them saying things I did not like and I knew they had picked up those attitudes, words or behaviors from the example I was setting.

I began to feel guilty and tried to over compensate by being a permissive parent and do everything for them. I felt that I needed to save them from this damage I thought I had done to them. They became more resentful and seemed angry towards me. I started to resent myself, them and became depressed. Even my husband and I were arguing more and more because he could see what I refused to see. My children were not respecting me, they wanted to make their choices and be allowed their power. At the same time my husband and all my wonderful friends wanted me to allow myself to have wants, needs and time for me. 

How different ones perspective can be from another's. From where I am now I can look back on this growing process and see the broader perspective. When I continued to stay in a lower emotional place of guilt I could not give myself the permission to stand back and take a broader perspective of allowing. Allowing others to own their power, make their choices of contrast, good and not so good, feels so comforting to me now. I also get to allow myself to express my needs and fulfill my desires. Being a parent is perfect and by growing and learning from the contrast I have asked for I can adapt and change in the direction that is best for all including myself. 

By creating a co-parenting relationship with my husband, children and myself we can all get what we need and want. Currently I am practicing the art of allowing others to have the contrast that they ask for and at the same time grow towards living in a harmonious environment in which we all can live happily together. Now I feel confident kindly expressing my wants and needs or that of the whole family when I feel something is out of balance in our home. I even take myself on a date when I feel my cup is empty. When my self love cup is full I can give freely and lovingly to others.  

I have heard and read for years that your children don't listen as much as they watch. They mirror our examples of how we treat ourselves and others. Viewing others from a place of helpless or victims only creates a world of powerlessness. People are powerful, my children are powerful and I am powerful. 

Someone I love very much told me of the story of the BUTTERFLY . (please excuse the improv)

One beautiful summers day I came across a butterfly still inside its cocoon. As I took a closer look I could see that it was working to escape from its blanket it had been so snuggled within its change. As I sat there and watched I started to view the process as a struggle and so began to feel empathy for the butterfly. I thought that I should "help" the butterfly in someway to prevent this struggle I thought I could see. I felt this anxious pain inside to protect and care for it. I searched for the tools I needed to release the butterfly and began this delicate process. 

Slowly I cut the cocoon ever so delicately as not to mess with the helpless creature inside. At first I felt a since of pride as I watched as the butterfly emerged from its cocoon to stand and spread its wings. Then as I stood back I could see the butterfly was struggling more than before. It was having a hard time standing on its own or fluttering its wings in order to take off and fly.  After quite some time it was finally able to maneuver enough to fly but only for a moment until in crashed into the ground. Within moments a swift wind came and carried the now dead butterfly away. 

Please understand I did not realize that the butterfly did not view his "struggle" as a struggle at all but a fun challenge. The challenge that frees the butterfly strengths the butterfly and release the extra liquid and nutrients needed to fly from flower to flower, lay eggs and live out its life. The butterfly is strong and knows what it needs to go from a pupa to a caterpillar and on to a beautiful butterfly. 

There is an illusion of struggle and an illusion of joyous expansion and growth as a being. I choose to see the perfection it all!


Caroline said...

You seem sooo happy and when you were writing this. That makes me feel happy too. I miss you.

OrganicSister said...

"Children don't listen as much as they watch"...Thank you Darlmeez. I needed that quote. Beautifully written.