Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Perception is Everything

Yesterday Blake and I were having this loud discussion about what discipline does or does not do for a person (mainly regarding our 16year old son Marc-current discussion conversation of the past 2 years). This is a repeated line of his "I don't think that a little discipline hurts a kid once in a while!" So without ripping off his head (what I usually envision in times such as these) I decided to look at this discussion from another perspective and walk around it a bit and pick it apart. I started by looking up the word discipline and thank goddess to dictionary.com I was given 12 definitions of the word discipline:

1. training to act in accordance with rules; drill: military discipline.
2. activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training: A daily stint at the typewriter is excellent discipline for a writer.
3. punishment inflicted by way of correction and training.
4. the rigor or training effect of experience, adversity, etc.: the harsh discipline of poverty.
5. behavior in accord with rules of conduct; behavior and order maintained by training and control: good discipline in an army.
6. a set or system of rules and regulations.
7. Ecclesiastical. the system of government regulating the practice of a church as distinguished from its doctrine.
8. an instrument of punishment, esp. a whip or scourge, used in the practice of self-mortification or as an instrument of chastisement in certain religious communities.
9. a branch of instruction or learning: the disciplines of history and economics.
–verb (used with object)
10. to train by instruction and exercise; drill.
11. to bring to a state of order and obedience by training and control.
12. to punish or penalize in order to train and control; correct; chastise.

How do you feel after reading those enlightening LOL definitions of discipline?? I feel sick to my stomach and question how can any of that be good for anyone or anything?? I just started thinking of the irony or rather craziness of the discussion of that whole discipline subject. I am thinking to myself why would any parent want their child to be obedient, controlled, trained, whipped, or punishment? Oh I know why so that one can force someone to be the way they want them to be so to not inter-fear with their world. OK so I can see that to a point however what happens when one wants their child to start thinking for him/herself you know grow up, move out move on? Get a JOB (just over broke) or military style? 

Most of the money and bliss in the world comes from individuals who start their own business, think for them selves, be who they choose to be. Many are drop outs or those who got in trouble and never fit in the system. 

As long as a child continues the obedience life is fab right??? Now lets look back and ask oneself if control, drills, punishment, trained, whipped, grounded etc is what they liked when they were young or would they like it now in their adult life? Maybe some may say yes, my husband says he was not hurt by the things he went through as a youngster, is he and maybe many like him are just brain washed into thinking that a whippin' once in a while never hurts anyone. I personally think those people are in denial. 

I have a different point of perception and I did think that the belittling, spanking, punishment, and grounding that I received at home not to mention the fear based training in public school I received was harmful to my being and spirit. There are even moments when I fall back and become controlling to one of my children and I always let them know that I am still reprogramming my ways of parenting since my example was not something I would choose for them. We work it out and I take a step into conscious parenting even more. 

With Blake and I not in alignment with our parenting perceptions I feel like part of me wants to laugh because I think that discipline parenting programing is ridiculous and the other part of me feels empathy for his belief in that disciplining through force and all the other stuff that comes that way is OK. Oh well at least I can stay out of his fear and remain in alignment with my desires of a positive relationship with my children. 

I know that what my children behave in ways that at times does not always look great from my point of view I just take those moments to remember that I am not in their head, from their prospective and start to look around the issue as if it were a picture and Live, Laugh and Love by allowing us all to live in peace.  

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