Time for me to get out of my own way!

I am creative so much so that at times I lose interest in one thing and pick up another. I do still want to do the restaurant and part of me is just waiting the other is wondering what I should do, I need $50,000 to start it. I presented my first living foods class in 4 years and I had a blast. 

Ideas I want to do:

1. I want to present inspiring demos with the intention to inspire people, children to get more and more fresh uncooked fruits, green and veggies in their lives.

2. Write children's books (I have 2 out of 3 done, waiting on pictures from young artists). 

3. Write a living foods book, simple, quick, fun recipes along with tips. 

4. Own a fun live food cafe with dancing, music, etc. 

5. Have a fun live food/green living show on the TV

6. Travel around the world inspiring others to eat more live fresh foods. 

7. Teach children (young adults) about thework.com so they may help themselves solve problems.

My friend did a tarot card reading on me Sat. night. The reading was the same as usual, I am not in the reading: my children and spouse are and my world is them and not with me. We did it 2 times and both times came up almost the same cards. We named it "stale mate" since I am waiting "tick tock". What you may ask am I waiting for, my children to grow up, my husband to go into business for himself. Yes, I get an idea in my head and I stop and say "I am a mother for now and when they grow up I will do xyz"! 

Next my friend pulled out these wonderful beautiful cards and laid them out on the table, I picked one "the creator". WOW it was my card it was a great one. One of the most powerful cards in the deck. It is exactly how I see myself, amazing powerful creator, world inspiring being! And it added "I need to get out of my own way!" YES I could not agree more. 

As I was heading home and everyday since I am making a decision and putting it down for the first time.

It is my turn to live my life. Living my life is living my integrity and showing my children how to be true to themselves. I will replace Blake's income and he will be the stay at home dad. Danyell and Marc are out of the house Bree is in school and busy all the time and Blake is the fun dad (I wish my dad was like him), Mitch and Carter want their dad more and more. Breast feeding is done and Mitch asks to be with his dad more and more. I think this is natural for boys who have a cool dad like Blake. Not that I am not cool I am just social and I love to get out and share me with others and be with others. I know this and now is the time. 

To be honest with myself at this moment I do feel a bit scared, new territory after 20 years of constant raising and having of the children. I think having children is safe for me my know how because it is most of what I have been doing since 16 years old. I am having to step out onto the ledge and jump. I know once I do I will feel like a chick out of its shell, ready to go peeking around. 

I remember leaving my parents home at 14 yrs. I felt less fear then. I know I have felt restless for almost a year now. I know my inner being is asking to be more of me and less in the business of my children who I have so longed lived through. I love them and they came through me for their experience and I came for mine they are apart of my experiences not all of them. I have attached myself to their worlds and become co-dependant on them and their world. I am loving and appreciating this moment right now, I feel sick and excited all at the same time. 

How will I start:

Today I set up my new business blog www.fruitygreenfamily.com and applied to be an affiliate for Vita-Mix on my site. Called Whole Foods to do live food demos. Called friend to do a live food demo at her home and record it to send to food networks.

Thursday I will finish my third children's book. 

Next Tuesday I will start my raw food book and complete by end of Nov. 2008

I feel better about myself and less fear just writing about it and I will do thework.com to keep myself in motion. 

Thanks for your reading of my rantings!

Practice BEING HAPPY no matter what

I feel so amazed and grateful for the friends I have manifested in my life. A great friend of mine read my last blog entry and then personally possed the thought to me that perhaps I could find a way to be happy without needing anything first. I am not sure why I feel so sad, why I am not sleeping and why I am also so angry at my loved ones, I have a great life and I can not really give myself a reason for my attitude lately. Then another friend within my wonderful group who is a massage theripist said she experienced negative stuff when she first started giving massage early in her career. Releasing her clients pain and taking it on herself. 

I am now asking myself:

Am I taking on others pains?

Can I be happy without anything?

I am not sure if I am taking on others pains? Just the awareness to be conscious of this gives me an avenue.

Yes I can BE Joyous without anything. A thought came to me recently as a was watching a group of unschooling children play, Do I practice BEING HAPPY, BEING JOYOUS, BEING in the place that I desire? I know that when I am "playing" or focused on being in joy that I am at peace and feeling joyous. Most importantly I treat myself and others well.

How do I love to play and what do I want to focus on in the NOW:

1. I love to feel the sun's heat and feel the suns rays hug my body.

2. I love to jump on the trampoline especially with my children hearing them laugh and giggle.

3. I feel so relaxed when I am croqueting.

4. I feel so cozy laying in bed reading to Mitch, Carter, and Bree (when she lets me). It is our moment to connect, communicate and enjoy the peace and calmness of the evening.

5. Dream of my road trips as if I am already there, dream of my Costa Rica home that I saw in a dream one evening 1 and 1/2 years ago, or the vision of the Green TV show I have visions of, when I am dreaming as if I am already there I feel so excited, even a since of knowing 

6. I look forward to my life now and everyday as now I think aging is so honorable (no longer the doom and gloom of the previous thoughts), my vision of living beyond a hundred years and realizing that I have so much time to do anything I would choose to do. 

7. I have this new found love and liking of myself and who I am. I love being my own friend, going to movies by myself, taking myself to eat and realizing that I am so amazing. (In the past I never liked to even look at myself in the mirror and thought I was a bad person and not worthy of the life I had within me.)

8. I love listening to my ipod and listen to music from Beethoven to Fergie or teaching of Abraham-hicks, Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, Neale Donald, etc. Hearing the words of spirituality from those inspiring people overwelms my soul with so much peace, like hearing words that I already knew (even said and thought some of them as a child) and just now hearing for the first time and knowing it is truth because for me I feel powerful and have a sense of pure knowing deep within my soul. 

9. I love to "dance as if no one is looking", I feel as free as a bird. (I would love to fly like a bird).

10. I love to paint and create art it is beautiful to me. 

11. I love seeking out more play and fun and that feels joyful and adventurous. 

WoW it is amazing that just the thought of those joy-play I feel the tickle in my stomach and an anticipation of doing and appreciation of my life and who I am and where I am. I know I am an expanding being and apart of the whole of the unvierse of GODESSENCE.

I think about the amazement of this world and the perfection of it all, life will always continue, happen, grow, be, how abuntant and connected. 

I wish all NAMASTE!!

"I honor the Spirit in you which is also in me." -- attributed to author Deepak Chopra
"I honor the place in you in which the entire Universe dwells, I honor the place in you which is of Love, of Integrity, of Wisdom and of Peace, When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are One."
"I salute the God within you."
"I recognize that we are all equal."
"The entire universe resides within you."
"The divine peace in me greets the divine peace in you."
"Your spirit and my spirit are ONE." -- attributed to Lilias Folan's shared teachings from her journeys to India.
"That which is of the Divine in me greets that which is of the Divine in you."
"The Divinity within me perceives and adores the Divinity within you."