For the past few years i have been intrigued by the idea of shaving my head. I wanted to know what it physically felt like to be physically "naked". Carter woke one morning in April requesting that he wanted to get a mohawk hair cut that day! So after explaining all the to do about the non existence of hair he still wanted the mohawk and so he did get it. After the hair cut Carter said "I want my hair back". After some colored gel and talk he soon came to like his new red mohawk. A few days later I woke and decided I wanted to shave off my hair and metaphorically speaking all the negativity in my life too and see what it was like to be hair-free!
I was a bit sadden to see that most of the reaction I received was the people asking or presuming I had cancer. Kids mostly just point and say "mom look that lady has no hair". I personally loved the freedom of waking up and not having to do my hair. Life has been easy and carefree. Blake on the other hand has not liked it. He shaves his hair (due to top balding) and he says it feels a little strange with both of us with shaved.
I saw a show were a very beautiful thin actress dressed up in a suit designed to make her look bigger than her now self. She received different stares and attention then before. People walking away from her and avoiding her rather than towards her and drawn to her. Was it her in the suit and her energy of difference or just the suit and the images people put in their minds?
When I was little I remember thinking that if all people were blind we would be forced to see the true people inside, even ourselves. Our eyes can actually hinder our ability to see the beauty within ourselves and others.
I love a new show on cable TV (not that I watch TV too often) called "How to look good Naked" I recommend watching it at least once. The host on the show helps women see themselves as the beautiful women they really are no matter what size, age or color, instead of the illusion they have in their head. They are confronted with the illusion and feelings behind their image and then go through a process by which to SEE the beauty within themselves. By the end of the show they are feeling better about their self image enough to have nude photos taken of them (very tastefully done I might add) and then placed out in the open for public opinion. I think because of their confidence and love of who they really are.
Now I think "I was born with hair I have always had hair and then at 36 years 6 months nothing but skin." This process has been freeing, uncomfortable at times and uncertain and growing. Growing in a way of cleaning off the old and welcoming the new the NOW. I am observing the growth of my hair the textures, colors, and growth that change each day. I am calm and patient and at times i see the many strands of gray and think that must be this body and not me for I AM new colorful and FULL of LIFE!
Image or not I AM on the inside,
Darlene
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