Change is in the Air

There are seasons in the life of a mother. My seasons have come and circled back 2 times. I had 2 children close together and 4 1/2 years later had another child and then again 4 1/2 yrs later I had 2 more children close together. The baby season is over in my universe and for the last time I am entering the era of childhood 6 to 12 years old, while Breeana enters her teen years. Each stage is special and I enjoy and learn with these young people in my life through their differences as much as their similarities. I feel grateful to connect with these young minds and yet I feel a sense that something has always been missing. 

Now with Danyell and Marc gone out of the home, Breeana in Montessori school (by court order with Ex husband) and Mitchel and Carter doing their own explorations in life my role as their ever needed mother is becoming less of call. For the first time in my life I can not get enough books to read, I even went as far as to read a book a second time (a first for me). I am croqueting and living in my ever favorite movable home that I can not really move for at least the next 3 to 5 years. I have played this role as mother to babies since I was 16 years old and now 20 years later (wow that is hard to believe) I am experiencing new feelings. I feel content, happy and at the same time even boredom. 

One of my all time favorite novels is The Red Tent which is rather odd when I think about the fact that it is written as a biblical Jewish novel and I am anti religious (not anti spiritual). Yet I adore the the female bonding and support that Anita Diamant creates within her characters and historically I envy that part of the time back then when women were so supported to take time for themselves. There was so much love and support between sisters, mothers, daughters and just the relationships with women in the book I found fascinating. The second time I read it I started to think about the order of life and how do we know or how are we inspired to know what do our fathers or mothers do. 

Take breast feeding or home birth or even to earn a living, how do things happen, unfold, and take place in the natural order of our human race. In the past I have chastised women for feeding her child a bottle or women birthing their babies in an environment made from fear and medical emergencies. Our world is so big with media and children shoved off to school at 5 years of age how else do we learn? In false environments of separation and mindless "education" instead of inspired in real life roles. 

My sons really have no idea what their father does or how he does it. They spend the day with me doing just about everything for them and their sister, it seems artificial as if we have to make up things to do or the need for constant video games or TV and not real life living or community support. Not that I am saying that doing things for my children is bad, I just feel that there is a break in the natural order of a tribal community. A community in which girls learn to be women and are supported by women and boys learn to be men through a support system where fathers take their sons or sons of the community to "work" to learn what fathers do to support the family. 

I feel in my heart that being apart of a tribe is part of human instinct, the way we learn and grow is so important in a real life environment. In many countries this tribal culture still exists and in many cases holds on by a meir thread. For the others that have disconnected from this way of living I can feel that eventually as more and more people become spiritually conscious and connected so to will the tribal culture regain its power and one in which people men and women alike will come to equality and respect without separation in color, gender or age. 

Perhaps to appreciate the connection of oneness humans had to create the illusion of separateness and disconnect for a time. I love the prospect of tribal connection and I believe that it is important to start with myself and so I have created a tribe through friends. I will continue to create an environment within our family that will give Breeana a connection to women and the hows of being a mother, wife and also myself with my own interests. I will create a business with Mitchel and Carter to bring back the family business community and Blake will join and be the male influence in their life. Change starts with one idea, one thought and one with action. The rest is history!