Hello again!

SO what have we been UP to: 

First Kids:

Danyell, Cris and baby Jake: Danyell went back to work, stopped nursing him and is vaccinating her baby. I start to struggle with what she does to her baby and then I stop and remember it is all perfect and this is her life and her experience. (mind my own business, I love her, I know she is amazing and she will figure her life out, it is all perfect)!

Marc has finally had enough of living outside on the streets or going from place to place (refuses to come home) and decided he is ready for a new start and wants to join the Army. After we receive his school transcripts (online school) and he passes physical and drug test (lets hope) he will be off and available to enroll. I personally have not been for a military, I think there's a higher way (peaceful) and yet I am happy he wants something more than I park bench. (again mind my own bus, I love him and I am confident he will do what is best for himself, he is an amazing young man).

Breeana I am more and more amazed about the person Bree is. She is kind, giving and open to possibilities of higher self awareness. I was speaking to one of my soul sisters who has a wonderful son a few months older than Bree and we began talking about our children and a possibility of them together in the future. For the first time I started to recognize all of Bree's young adult qualities that will make her a fantastic partner. She is easy going and strong about her belief's that are important to her. She has a keen understanding for others and loves herself (lucky girl). She is not a big spender unless it is really important to her and she loves to save and gets the cash only system! She is always on board when we have family group meetings to resolve issues as a whole family and is always on board for the fun. She is sensitive to others and is great with kids all the while taking care of herself. My friend's son is so similar and they have both been unschool (although both are in school now), both were home birthed and long term breast fed, and their mommas are sooo close. In addition so are they and so are we with them. If only we could plant that seed in them, we realize now is NOT the time for many obvious reasons so for now her and I can dream secretly! LOL (ok ok mind my business, I love her so much). Bree is not liking her school and said to me one day "I dont understand why they have school if I want to know something I always have google" I could not agree more and because I can do nothing about it except to listen, allow her to express her feelings and then I offered "Bree I have found many times in my life when I felt trapped and during these dark times I ran and the darkness follow when I found a way to allow for a new prospective of the darkness. All the sudden I grew and there was light, I was free if only in my heart and soul." All I can hope is to say and be the best I can and give her that example.

Mitch is growing and maturing by the day in less than 3 months now he will be 9 years. He is such a mirror in my life I cant help but love this little man (there is so much of myself in him). Ever since he was born I felt he was an older soul just his body alone was almost 10lbs (this after having 3 children under 7lbs) and when I looked into his eyes the first day I met him and held him I could see he was much wiser and older than a tiny baby and I feel he has inspired me far beyond what I could do for him. I still am me and I know he appreciates me and all I do for him. He still does not want to read and I am great with it (he is exceptional with numbers and has a genuine desire to learn new things), its daddy that still has a fear surrounding the situation. Yet Mitch is willing to do anything as long as it is on his terms and in his time. For example 2 years ago he and I were talking and I asked him out of curiosity when he thought he might be finished nursing, how old he would be (love of numbers man he is). He thought with all seriousness and then said "I will be 8 when I am done." The last time he asked to nurse was 3 months before he turned 8. To honor Blake I spoke to Mitch about when he thought he may be interested in reading he thought for a moment and said 9 years and 3 months. This made Blake feel better and we can all rest and keep allowing his learning to continue (even though I think he is learning to read already) in peace. 

Carter is thriving and growing a little at a time. He likes being the "baby" of the family and with that he still likes momma and daddy to do most things for him. If I am in a situation were I can not help him I remind him that I would love to help him and am unavailable now and I know he can do anything he puts him mind to and he does it. I think he likes just knowing I am there for him. He loves and struggles as a young uncle and at times is learning that babies want what you have or what your doing they want to do. He is growing and enjoying just being a sweet little man (he is so sweet I just loves him).

Blake's job (just over broke) at Fedex has changed hands and now he works less, nights only, makes 40% less money and with the exception of the night driving/day sleeping we are happier. We even have the IRS in our business for untrue taxes they say we owe and we both have the least amount of American spirit (government confidence) and both cars need fixing and less money means less to pay all of our bills-SO WHAT we are still lovin life and havin fun! He and I our waiting for our bail out and remaining positive something will show up for us. What a partner I have he cleans, does laundry and dishes (both of which I dislike) and does everything with amazing love and not because he has to. He is not all on board with unschooling (fine with homeschool although I have asked him what that looks like to him and he cant answer me) and I am practicing on a balance between honoring him and the kids in this unschooling/life learning life. He supports me in every way and loves to play and be with his children. (I love him so much he is wonderful!)

ME, Myself and I am running a new living foods blog, fruitygreenfamily, and am currently getting my new website, The Garden Spot Cafe, up and running were I have created a raw food "club" for state purposes (health department, government, etc) in which I will be delivering raw food meals 3 days a week to YOU! People with be able to go to my website to check out the menus and then pay the membership fee based on daily(1 day meal), weekly(3 days a week meals) or monthly(12 meals a month) raw food meals delivered to their doors or work in the morning Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Eventually I would like to do special events and raw cakes.  I think this is actually the best. With a restaurant, it would be harder to move and leave when I am ready. And I am after all a gypsy. So if I need to leave for a month or so I can!

So check out The Garden Spot Cafe for delicious healthy meals delivered to you!

I am really excited about my new habit of calmness. I am currently creating a habit of calmness within myself so for the rest of the next 23 days (20 left) I am practicing responding and understanding. Anger and rage are apart of my past and calmness, understanding, fun, feel great excitement are my present and future. 

Thanks to all me friends for their love and support and I loves and miss you all!

Darlene

Time for me to get out of my own way!

I am creative so much so that at times I lose interest in one thing and pick up another. I do still want to do the restaurant and part of me is just waiting the other is wondering what I should do, I need $50,000 to start it. I presented my first living foods class in 4 years and I had a blast. 

Ideas I want to do:

1. I want to present inspiring demos with the intention to inspire people, children to get more and more fresh uncooked fruits, green and veggies in their lives.

2. Write children's books (I have 2 out of 3 done, waiting on pictures from young artists). 

3. Write a living foods book, simple, quick, fun recipes along with tips. 

4. Own a fun live food cafe with dancing, music, etc. 

5. Have a fun live food/green living show on the TV

6. Travel around the world inspiring others to eat more live fresh foods. 

7. Teach children (young adults) about thework.com so they may help themselves solve problems.

My friend did a tarot card reading on me Sat. night. The reading was the same as usual, I am not in the reading: my children and spouse are and my world is them and not with me. We did it 2 times and both times came up almost the same cards. We named it "stale mate" since I am waiting "tick tock". What you may ask am I waiting for, my children to grow up, my husband to go into business for himself. Yes, I get an idea in my head and I stop and say "I am a mother for now and when they grow up I will do xyz"! 

Next my friend pulled out these wonderful beautiful cards and laid them out on the table, I picked one "the creator". WOW it was my card it was a great one. One of the most powerful cards in the deck. It is exactly how I see myself, amazing powerful creator, world inspiring being! And it added "I need to get out of my own way!" YES I could not agree more. 

As I was heading home and everyday since I am making a decision and putting it down for the first time.

It is my turn to live my life. Living my life is living my integrity and showing my children how to be true to themselves. I will replace Blake's income and he will be the stay at home dad. Danyell and Marc are out of the house Bree is in school and busy all the time and Blake is the fun dad (I wish my dad was like him), Mitch and Carter want their dad more and more. Breast feeding is done and Mitch asks to be with his dad more and more. I think this is natural for boys who have a cool dad like Blake. Not that I am not cool I am just social and I love to get out and share me with others and be with others. I know this and now is the time. 

To be honest with myself at this moment I do feel a bit scared, new territory after 20 years of constant raising and having of the children. I think having children is safe for me my know how because it is most of what I have been doing since 16 years old. I am having to step out onto the ledge and jump. I know once I do I will feel like a chick out of its shell, ready to go peeking around. 

I remember leaving my parents home at 14 yrs. I felt less fear then. I know I have felt restless for almost a year now. I know my inner being is asking to be more of me and less in the business of my children who I have so longed lived through. I love them and they came through me for their experience and I came for mine they are apart of my experiences not all of them. I have attached myself to their worlds and become co-dependant on them and their world. I am loving and appreciating this moment right now, I feel sick and excited all at the same time. 

How will I start:

Today I set up my new business blog www.fruitygreenfamily.com and applied to be an affiliate for Vita-Mix on my site. Called Whole Foods to do live food demos. Called friend to do a live food demo at her home and record it to send to food networks.

Thursday I will finish my third children's book. 

Next Tuesday I will start my raw food book and complete by end of Nov. 2008

I feel better about myself and less fear just writing about it and I will do thework.com to keep myself in motion. 

Thanks for your reading of my rantings!

What's Up

Here is a quick update::

All kids are great:

Danyell: Married in July to Cris and Jake G-baby is now 7 1/2 months old crawling, and now the fun begins. Ya Me I get to play with Jakey and Danyell to be mom!

Marc: still gone, I know he is going from friend to friend in North Las Vegas, I miss the person behind the drugs and I know he is figuring it out!

Bree: is raising money to go to Washington DC in Dec. with Montessori, getting some experience in young adult relationships at school and I love and miss her being home all the time. Montessori is saying they are going to continue with high school, that is good since she is not public school or other private school material. I think when the courts cant force her to go to school anymore she will NOT! I know she likes her friends at school a lot and I know she loves her freedom more. 

Mitch: video gaming, TV and friends as much as possible. I will be filming him being a little raw food chef this month. Part of our family goal to be finacially independant.

Carter: video games, TV, Movies, and friends. He is experiencing what its like to interact with other little men and at times it has been painful, mostly he is a happy, peaceful man.

Blake: IRS and Audit, need I say more. I keep inspiring him to stay in his happy space. Major changes at work, Fedex Freight and he may be moving on come Jan. after 25 yrs.

Myself: WOW I am feeling more at peace and happy daily. Doing www.thework.com, basically 4 questions and turnaround about your thoughts it is the best way I have ever found to change your thoughts, change your reality!

Writing 3 childrens book (2 done), adult book: creative ways to get your kids to eat more fruits and greens book, Raw kids dvd with Mitch, I have all my business plan done and I am ready for $50,000 to show up and happen. And/or the local raw food restaurant, Go Raw, asked me to be apart of their expansion and buy into their business (we will see). Big realization for me, I am allowing myself to live in my own business (not so much in my children's business). I am having the best time!

I will creating a new blog for the books and other business I have in mind (raw ice cream). 

Lovez and Peace

D

Busy Busy Busy

I AM

I came out from love to love! Love limitless, allowing, love of endless promises and the ability to achieve everything and do anything. I am spirit, always have been spirit, will always be spirit. I am all that is good, possible and inspiring. I know everything, everyone, all is right. I believe I can have all. I am apart of all and I am whole, complete and know all is beautiful, wonderful and perfect. YES, Possibilities are forever, all is done and ready. I am present, now is always the time. We are one, creating, moving together in sync with everything, anything, ALL together. 

Look into your eyes, my eyes, see all, Glowing. Listen, hear the music of your soul, our soul, Dance. Feel the energy within, Connect to you to me to all. Taste of life, savor your flavor, Satisfaction. Smell the scent of your bliss, our BlissFULness, follow Bliss! 

E(in)NJOY together-LOVE- all is 

L

O

V

E !!

Mitch's New Do

Monday Aug. 25, 2008

Mitch came to me the other day and said "I want to cut my hair!" I was shocked, to say the least. Just months ago he said he never wanted to cut his hair "it keeps me shaded in the summer and warm in the winter." So I of course asked why and he replied "at night when I past by the mirror I scare myself because I look like the dead girl from the ring." Now just for clarification he has not seen the ring but he has seen the previews on TV of the ring and that was enough for him. 

Now if only he had wanted his hair cut a month ago before he decided to do the dread lock do it would have been much easier! 

After a half hour of dad brushing his hair in the tub we decided

the except the top 4 inches, the bottom 14 inches where untangled and good enough to braid and send to Locks of Love. I cut the braid and we put it in a zip lock and sent it off to Locks of Love.

I cried, I have been resisting change lately, and when I looked at him with no more long locks I could see my babies face a face I had not really seen in years. The hair seemed to cover more than just his back and sometimes face but a little of his light. He shed away 8 years of hair growth and yet I felt lately Mitch has been shed lots of anger and fits too. Change is a part of each second and thanks to these constant beings in my life I eventually relax into the love and joy of their growth and mine. 

Mitch said he felt weird and was not sure if he wanted to see any of his friends without a hat on. By Wednesday at Life Learners, I dont think he even thought a second about his hair. For him time with his hair ended in seconds and he was moving on! For mom shedding a few tears from sadness, then joy was healing for me. He just does what he feels he needs and moves on. I appreciate him reminding me what it is to be in your source and go do stream with the flow!

What's up with the fun fam

I am the eternal Goddess
All races are my children
All genders are my children
All creatures are my children
All time is my domain
My body is the earth
Reverence me and mine

Is this a greatness?

Update to my (our) life.

Blake: working, riding motorcycles and once in a while we see a glimse of him.

Danyell, Jake, and Cris: Danyell and Cris decided to make their union official and we married a few weeks ago. Jake is doing marvelous growing up so big, life learning, rolling, grabbing, using his voice (my only wish is that I could see him more). I am happy Danyell is going to be managing the cafe so Jake can stay in with his mommy! I am both sad and happy to be a g-ma (dee dee) sad I only get moments with this beauty and happy I am enjoying the older children I have and have tucked away those nursing baby years in my heart forever. I love this fun family!

Marc: gone, even though I do not know where he is I believe all is perfect. He is finding his path his life. Marc as showed me how children come through you yet they are not yours they are themselves. I love him and he knows he is loved and I trust that all is well with him!

Breeana: being forced (by our **** court system/ex husband) to go to school she has not taken it very well, and towards me she is short and wants little to do with me. As much as I believe in a victimless universe I still lean into the energy of my mother bear wanting to "protect" my cubs. Perhaps she feels let down by me as her mother not being able to keep her out of school and I will just keep on loving as unschooling her as much as I can. I now feel that she is strong and wise and knows what will work for her. She has constrast the unschooling life she so loved for 2 1/2 years and now Montessori (great school as far as schools go). She says as soon as she can she is going back to unschooling forever and so are her future children. She entered "The Red Tent" and the little girl goddess has entered her stage of young goddess women. I bought her sweet treats and organic pads. Her big sister took her shopping (clothes, bras, undies, purse, sun glasses) and gave her a mature look with new hair colour. (pics to come) She went around the house all day saying "I am so beautifull" "I love myself" I thought she looked like a glamorous movie star. As much as I would like to freeze a moment in time like a picture I love to see them grow and change into the creative beings we all are inside.

Mitch: From the day this little god came into my life I felt an old soul. I feel as if Mitch could take care of himself (practacially does) watching tv, eating, and playing video games all the while getting paid for it. He cant wait for The Garden Spot to open. He wants to serve food and get tips to buy more video games, a BIG flat screen tv, Yugioh cards, and a four wheeler. I am so happy he wants to do the cafe along with me. We will however have a special room in the cafe just for our little men (Mitch, Carter, and Jake) to watch tv, play video games, and hang out when they need a get away. I think he and I will always be more like close friends he is so apart of my personality I get that mirror of my best and not so great personality traits, I love him and thank him all the time for this.

Carter: I can hardly believe the last of the beautiful beings that enter this time space reality through my body is 6 now. He is not wanting to do much on his own, from my vantage point I see him struggle the last few months with wanting to conrol others (yelling and becoming so fustrated with those who will not do what he wants) and not wanting to do anything for himself. He is so sweet and he has these amazing eyes that draw me into just doing for him even when I am tired or empty. He is love and peace he is always giving me kisses and loves and tells Blake and I that we are "the best parents in the whole universe". I feel so at peace being around him when he is in his element. I revel in his love.

Me: I am busy busy working on The Garden Spot Cafe and I am having a blast learning growing and unschooling along the way. It feels so great all the way to my soul every time I am talking about it or working on anything to do with it. When ever a doubt comes to my mind it just immediately melts away from all the fire in my heart and soul with this cafe excitement and contentment. I know I am in bliss I feel so wonderful (I know I keep repeating myself). My plans now are to meet with a fellow business owner to fill in the rest of the numbers I need and then on the 11th of April I will meet with the small bus center again they will tell me what to do next. I feel a flow with all of this process. I know their is an investor out there wanting to invest $40,000 in one of the fastest growing industries, wellness/health. I will get to create a master piece of a cafe for all to be apart of and they in return with make a wonderful profit on their investment. I love myself even with those 10 pounds that I know are melting as you read.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!