PEACEFUL SPIRITED LIFE

Whats up and down!

2009-02-08T22:43:00.000-08:00

So lately I have been so incredibly busy. I started a business and I think it is owning me. I love to create amazing food for people and I love to connect and inspire others and of course I love to be abundant. When I am a full time stay at home momma I miss my inspiration and connection with others. When I am a full time personal raw chef running my own biz I miss my kids, my personal time and sleep. I am having fun and I want balance. So the best thing for me to do is sort what I do want and I know the perfect solution WILL show up:

I want to inspire others about "green" solutions for the world and inspire others to get MORE Fresh live foods into their lives: possibility, through a cable show or possibly a live show through my site, sounds good to me so far.

I want to be a momma inspiring my children (grand children) to follow their passions, working 7 hours a week sounds great to me.

I want to take time to be with myself, reading and writing or video taping, sounds great with that 7 hour work week.

I want to spend fun time with my husband, he is so great and supportive he has been cleaning up after me through this raw business! More time with him with this 7 hour work week.

I want to be on Oprah and inspire her to eat live foods for 30 days. Oprah is the key to inspiring more and more people to get more live fresh foods into their lives. Doing videos on my site and creating LOTS of traffic to fruitygreenfamily.com sounds great!

I want to love and keep my friends I adore my friends and I love to hang with them! 7 hour work week, YES!

I feel so much better!

Kids are great!

Blake has been spending an hour or so a day "teaching" or rather inspiring the kids to grow towards his standards and they seem to be so liking it.

Carter is writing his name.

Mitch is reading and writing more and more. He just recently help me as the cashier at one of our raw food events. He was as usual so awesome I love watching them grow.

Bree is so busy I hardly see her, the teen years have begun and she has become more and more of a social butterfly.

Mark has to study and take the Army test again. Because he was homeschooled he has to score over 50 and he just missed it.

Danyell, Cris and Jake, Great! Jake is starting to take steps WOW how fast they grow.

I think I should sleep!

NIGHT

DArlene

Hello again!

2009-01-12T12:22:00.001-08:00

SO what have we been UP to:

First Kids:

Danyell, Cris and baby Jake: Danyell went back to work, stopped nursing him and is vaccinating her baby. I start to struggle with what she does to her baby and then I stop and remember it is all perfect and this is her life and her experience. (mind my own business, I love her, I know she is amazing and she will figure her life out, it is all perfect)!

Marc has finally had enough of living outside on the streets or going from place to place (refuses to come home) and decided he is ready for a new start and wants to join the Army. After we receive his school transcripts (online school) and he passes physical and drug test (lets hope) he will be off and available to enroll. I personally have not been for a military, I think there's a higher way (peaceful) and yet I am happy he wants something more than I park bench. (again mind my own bus, I love him and I am confident he will do what is best for himself, he is an amazing young man).

Breeana I am more and more amazed about the person Bree is. She is kind, giving and open to possibilities of higher self awareness. I was speaking to one of my soul sisters who has a wonderful son a few months older than Bree and we began talking about our children and a possibility of them together in the future. For the first time I started to recognize all of Bree's young adult qualities that will make her a fantastic partner. She is easy going and strong about her belief's that are important to her. She has a keen understanding for others and loves herself (lucky girl). She is not a big spender unless it is really important to her and she loves to save and gets the cash only system! She is always on board when we have family group meetings to resolve issues as a whole family and is always on board for the fun. She is sensitive to others and is great with kids all the while taking care of herself. My friend's son is so similar and they have both been unschool (although both are in school now), both were home birthed and long term breast fed, and their mommas are sooo close. In addition so are they and so are we with them. If only we could plant that seed in them, we realize now is NOT the time for many obvious reasons so for now her and I can dream secretly! LOL (ok ok mind my business, I love her so much). Bree is not liking her school and said to me one day "I dont understand why they have school if I want to know something I always have google" I could not agree more and because I can do nothing about it except to listen, allow her to express her feelings and then I offered "Bree I have found many times in my life when I felt trapped and during these dark times I ran and the darkness follow when I found a way to allow for a new prospective of the darkness. All the sudden I grew and there was light, I was free if only in my heart and soul." All I can hope is to say and be the best I can and give her that example.

Mitch is growing and maturing by the day in less than 3 months now he will be 9 years. He is such a mirror in my life I cant help but love this little man (there is so much of myself in him). Ever since he was born I felt he was an older soul just his body alone was almost 10lbs (this after having 3 children under 7lbs) and when I looked into his eyes the first day I met him and held him I could see he was much wiser and older than a tiny baby and I feel he has inspired me far beyond what I could do for him. I still am me and I know he appreciates me and all I do for him. He still does not want to read and I am great with it (he is exceptional with numbers and has a genuine desire to learn new things), its daddy that still has a fear surrounding the situation. Yet Mitch is willing to do anything as long as it is on his terms and in his time. For example 2 years ago he and I were talking and I asked him out of curiosity when he thought he might be finished nursing, how old he would be (love of numbers man he is). He thought with all seriousness and then said "I will be 8 when I am done." The last time he asked to nurse was 3 months before he turned 8. To honor Blake I spoke to Mitch about when he thought he may be interested in reading he thought for a moment and said 9 years and 3 months. This made Blake feel better and we can all rest and keep allowing his learning to continue (even though I think he is learning to read already) in peace.

Carter is thriving and growing a little at a time. He likes being the "baby" of the family and with that he still likes momma and daddy to do most things for him. If I am in a situation were I can not help him I remind him that I would love to help him and am unavailable now and I know he can do anything he puts him mind to and he does it. I think he likes just knowing I am there for him. He loves and struggles as a young uncle and at times is learning that babies want what you have or what your doing they want to do. He is growing and enjoying just being a sweet little man (he is so sweet I just loves him).

Blake's job (just over broke) at Fedex has changed hands and now he works less, nights only, makes 40% less money and with the exception of the night driving/day sleeping we are happier. We even have the IRS in our business for untrue taxes they say we owe and we both have the least amount of American spirit (government confidence) and both cars need fixing and less money means less to pay all of our bills-SO WHAT we are still lovin life and havin fun! He and I our waiting for our bail out and remaining positive something will show up for us. What a partner I have he cleans, does laundry and dishes (both of which I dislike) and does everything with amazing love and not because he has to. He is not all on board with unschooling (fine with homeschool although I have asked him what that looks like to him and he cant answer me) and I am practicing on a balance between honoring him and the kids in this unschooling/life learning life. He supports me in every way and loves to play and be with his children. (I love him so much he is wonderful!)

ME, Myself and I am running a new living foods blog, fruitygreenfamily, and am currently getting my new website, The Garden Spot Cafe, up and running were I have created a raw food "club" for state purposes (health department, government, etc) in which I will be delivering raw food meals 3 days a week to YOU! People with be able to go to my website to check out the menus and then pay the membership fee based on daily(1 day meal), weekly(3 days a week meals) or monthly(12 meals a month) raw food meals delivered to their doors or work in the morning Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Eventually I would like to do special events and raw cakes. I think this is actually the best. With a restaurant, it would be harder to move and leave when I am ready. And I am after all a gypsy. So if I need to leave for a month or so I can!

So check out The Garden Spot Caf e for delicious healthy meals delivered to you!

I am really excited about my new habit of calmness. I am currently creating a habit of calmness within myself so for the rest of the next 23 days (20 left) I am practicing responding and understanding. Anger and rage are apart of my past and calmness, understanding, fun, feel great excitement are my present and future.

Thanks to all me friends for their love and support and I loves and miss you all!

Darlene

Time for me to get out of my own way!

2008-10-28T19:09:00.000-07:00

I am creative so much so that at times I lose interest in one thing and pick up another. I do still want to do the restaurant and part of me is just waiting the other is wondering what I should do, I need $50,000 to start it. I presented my first living foods class in 4 years and I had a blast.

Ideas I want to do:

1. I want to present inspiring demos with the intention to inspire people, children to get more and more fresh uncooked fruits, green and veggies in their lives.

2. Write children's books (I have 2 out of 3 done, waiting on pictures from young artists).

3. Write a living foods book, simple, quick, fun recipes along with tips.

4. Own a fun live food cafe with dancing, music, etc.

5. Have a fun live food/green living show on the TV

6. Travel around the world inspiring others to eat more live fresh foods.

7. Teach children (young adults) about thework.com so they may help themselves solve problems.

My friend did a tarot card reading on me Sat. night. The reading was the same as usual, I am not in the reading: my children and spouse are and my world is them and not with me. We did it 2 times and both times came up almost the same cards. We named it "stale mate" since I am waiting "tick tock". What you may ask am I waiting for, my children to grow up, my husband to go into business for himself. Yes, I get an idea in my head and I stop and say "I am a mother for now and when they grow up I will do xyz"!

Next my friend pulled out these wonderful beautiful cards and laid them out on the table, I picked one "the creator". WOW it was my card it was a great one. One of the most powerful cards in the deck. It is exactly how I see myself, amazing powerful creator, world inspiring being! And it added "I need to get out of my own way!" YES I could not agree more.

As I was heading home and everyday since I am making a decision and putting it down for the first time.

It is my turn to live my life. Living my life is living my integrity and showing my children how to be true to themselves. I will replace Blake's income and he will be the stay at home dad. Danyell and Marc are out of the house Bree is in school and busy all the time and Blake is the fun dad (I wish my dad was like him), Mitch and Carter want their dad more and more. Breast feeding is done and Mitch asks to be with his dad more and more. I think this is natural for boys who have a cool dad like Blake. Not that I am not cool I am just social and I love to get out and share me with others and be with others. I know this and now is the time.

To be honest with myself at this moment I do feel a bit scared, new territory after 20 years of constant raising and having of the children. I think having children is safe for me my know how because it is most of what I have been doing since 16 years old. I am having to step out onto the ledge and jump. I know once I do I will feel like a chick out of its shell, ready to go peeking around.

I remember leaving my parents home at 14 yrs. I felt less fear then. I know I have felt restless for almost a year now. I know my inner being is asking to be more of me and less in the business of my children who I have so longed lived through. I love them and they came through me for their experience and I came for mine they are apart of my experiences not all of them. I have attached myself to their worlds and become co-dependant on them and their world. I am loving and appreciating this moment right now, I feel sick and excited all at the same time.

How will I start:

Today I set up my new business blog www.fruitygreenfamily.com and applied to be an affiliate for Vita-Mix on my site. Called Whole Foods to do live food demos. Called friend to do a live food demo at her home and record it to send to food networks.

Thursday I will finish my third children's book.

Next Tuesday I will start my raw food book and complete by end of Nov. 2008

I feel better about myself and less fear just writing about it and I will do thework.com to keep myself in motion.

Thanks for your reading of my rantings!

What's Up

2008-10-03T15:16:00.000-07:00

Here is a quick update::

All kids are great:

Danyell: Married in July to Cris and Jake G-baby is now 7 1/2 months old crawling, and now the fun begins. Ya Me I get to play with Jakey and Danyell to be mom!

Marc: still gone, I know he is going from friend to friend in North Las Vegas, I miss the person behind the drugs and I know he is figuring it out!

Bree: is raising money to go to Washington DC in Dec. with Montessori, getting some experience in young adult relationships at school and I love and miss her being home all the time. Montessori is saying they are going to continue with high school, that is good since she is not public school or other private school material. I think when the courts cant force her to go to school anymore she will NOT! I know she likes her friends at school a lot and I know she loves her freedom more.

Mitch: video gaming, TV and friends as much as possible. I will be filming him being a little raw food chef this month. Part of our family goal to be finacially independant.

Carter: video games, TV, Movies, and friends. He is experiencing what its like to interact with other little men and at times it has been painful, mostly he is a happy, peaceful man.

Blake: IRS and Audit, need I say more. I keep inspiring him to stay in his happy space. Major changes at work, Fedex Freight and he may be moving on come Jan. after 25 yrs.

Myself: WOW I am feeling more at peace and happy daily. Doing www.thework.com, basically 4 questions and turnaround about your thoughts it is the best way I have ever found to change your thoughts, change your reality!

Writing 3 childrens book (2 done), adult book: creative ways to get your kids to eat more fruits and greens book, Raw kids dvd with Mitch, I have all my business plan done and I am ready for $50,000 to show up and happen. And/or the local raw food restaurant, Go Raw, asked me to be apart of their expansion and buy into their business (we will see). Big realization for me, I am allowing myself to live in my own business (not so much in my children's business). I am having the best time!

I will creating a new blog for the books and other business I have in mind (raw ice cream).

Lovez and Peace

Busy Busy Busy

2008-09-26T09:18:00.000-07:00

I AM

2008-08-29T17:57:00.000-07:00

I came out from love to love! Love limitless, allowing, love of endless promises and the ability to achieve everything and do anything. I am spirit, always have been spirit, will always be spirit. I am all that is good, possible and inspiring. I know everything, everyone, all is right. I believe I can have all. I am apart of all and I am whole, complete and know all is beautiful, wonderful and perfect. YES, Possibilities are forever, all is done and ready. I am present, now is always the time. We are one, creating, moving together in sync with everything, anything, ALL together.

Look into your eyes, my eyes, see all, Glowing. Listen, hear the music of your soul, our soul, Dance. Feel the energy within, Connect to you to me to all. Taste of life, savor your flavor, Satisfaction. Smell the scent of your bliss, our BlissFULness, follow Bliss!

E(in)NJOY together-LOVE- all is

E !!

Mitch's New Do

2008-08-29T13:10:00.000-07:00

Monday Aug. 25, 2008

Mitch came to me the other day and said "I want to cut my hair!" I was shocked, to say the least. Just months ago he said he never wanted to cut his hair "it keeps me shaded in the summer and warm in the winter." So I of course asked why and he replied "at night when I past by the mirror I scare myself because I look like the dead girl from the ring." Now just for clarification he has not seen the ring but he has seen the previews on TV of the ring and that was enough for him.

Now if only he had wanted his hair cut a month ago before he decided to do the dread lock do it would have been much easier!

After a half hour of dad brushing his hair in the tub we decided

the except the top 4 inches, the bottom 14 inches where untangled and good enough to braid and send to Locks of Love. I cut the braid and we put it in a zip lock and sent it off to Locks of Love.

I cried, I have been resisting change lately, and when I looked at him with no more long locks I could see my babies face a face I had not really seen in years. The hair seemed to cover more than just his back and sometimes face but a little of his light. He shed away 8 years of hair growth and yet I felt lately Mitch has been shed lots of anger and fits too. Change is a part of each second and thanks to these constant beings in my life I eventually relax into the love and joy of their growth and mine.

Mitch said he felt weird and was not sure if he wanted to see any of his friends without a hat on. By Wednesday at Life Learners, I dont think he even thought a second about his hair. For him time with his hair ended in seconds and he was moving on! For mom shedding a few tears from sadness, then joy was healing for me. He just does what he feels he needs and moves on. I appreciate him reminding me what it is to be in your source and go do stream with the flow!

What's up with the fun fam

2008-08-06T21:55:00.000-07:00

I am the eternal Goddess
All races are my children
All genders are my children
All creatures are my children
All time is my domain
My body is the earth
Reverence me and mine

Is this a greatness?

Update to my (our) life.

Blake: working, riding motorcycles and once in a while we see a glimse of him.

Danyell, Jake, and Cris: Danyell and Cris decided to make their union official and we married a few weeks ago. Jake is doing marvelous growing up so big, life learning, rolling, grabbing, using his voice (my only wish is that I could see him more). I am happy Danyell is going to be managing the cafe so Jake can stay in with his mommy! I am both sad and happy to be a g-ma (dee dee) sad I only get moments with this beauty and happy I am enjoying the older children I have and have tucked away those nursing baby years in my heart forever. I love this fun family!

Marc: gone, even though I do not know where he is I believe all is perfect. He is finding his path his life. Marc as showed me how children come through you yet they are not yours they are themselves. I love him and he knows he is loved and I trust that all is well with him!

Breeana: being forced (by our **** court system/ex husband) to go to school she has not taken it very well, and towards me she is short and wants little to do with me. As much as I believe in a victimless universe I still lean into the energy of my mother bear wanting to "protect" my cubs. Perhaps she feels let down by me as her mother not being able to keep her out of school and I will just keep on loving as unschooling her as much as I can. I now feel that she is strong and wise and knows what will work for her. She has constrast the unschooling life she so loved for 2 1/2 years and now Montessori (great school as far as schools go). She says as soon as she can she is going back to unschooling forever and so are her future children. She entered "The Red Tent" and the little girl goddess has entered her stage of young goddess women. I bought her sweet treats and organic pads. Her big sister took her shopping (clothes, bras, undies, purse, sun glasses) and gave her a mature look with new hair colour. (pics to come) She went around the house all day saying "I am so beautifull" "I love myself" I thought she looked like a glamorous movie star. As much as I would like to freeze a moment in time like a picture I love to see them grow and change into the creative beings we all are inside.

Mitch: From the day this little god came into my life I felt an old soul. I feel as if Mitch could take care of himself (practacially does) watching tv, eating, and playing video games all the while getting paid for it. He cant wait for The Garden Spot to open. He wants to serve food and get tips to buy more video games, a BIG flat screen tv, Yugioh cards, and a four wheeler. I am so happy he wants to do the cafe along with me. We will however have a special room in the cafe just for our little men (Mitch, Carter, and Jake) to watch tv, play video games, and hang out when they need a get away. I think he and I will always be more like close friends he is so apart of my personality I get that mirror of my best and not so great personality traits, I love him and thank him all the time for this.

Carter: I can hardly believe the last of the beautiful beings that enter this time space reality through my body is 6 now. He is not wanting to do much on his own, from my vantage point I see him struggle the last few months with wanting to conrol others (yelling and becoming so fustrated with those who will not do what he wants) and not wanting to do anything for himself. He is so sweet and he has these amazing eyes that draw me into just doing for him even when I am tired or empty. He is love and peace he is always giving me kisses and loves and tells Blake and I that we are "the best parents in the whole universe". I feel so at peace being around him when he is in his element. I revel in his love.

Me: I am busy busy working on The Garden Spot Cafe and I am having a blast learning growing and unschooling along the way. It feels so great all the way to my soul every time I am talking about it or working on anything to do with it. When ever a doubt comes to my mind it just immediately melts away from all the fire in my heart and soul with this cafe excitement and contentment. I know I am in bliss I feel so wonderful (I know I keep repeating myself). My plans now are to meet with a fellow business owner to fill in the rest of the numbers I need and then on the 11th of April I will meet with the small bus center again they will tell me what to do next. I feel a flow with all of this process. I know their is an investor out there wanting to invest $40,000 in one of the fastest growing industries, wellness/health. I will get to create a master piece of a cafe for all to be apart of and they in return with make a wonderful profit on their investment. I love myself even with those 10 pounds that I know are melting as you read.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!

When Bliss Flows

2008-07-31T09:44:00.000-07:00

I have read many books on the subject of bliss (as if one needs those), I think I read them to remind me of the bliss inside me, and it was not until lately that I am realizing my personal bliss with just me, myself and I. I never realized what the books really meant by "do what you love and the money (personal wellness) will too". I have experienced bliss many times yet I think that others had to be in my world to ignite the bliss. Now with the planning, creativity and care I am putting into THE GARDEN SPOT CAFE I am in my own world full of the true bliss charged by only myself.
Due to all this self actualization in bliss I am experiencing a new realm of confidence and excitement, life is flowing like a river that just keeps getting fuller and faster. I am creating this amazing restaurant full of "loving food to live for", an environment were people may come to relax be served and connect with others. People of all ages and sizes are welcome to read a book, play a game or just enjoy the food. I currently have one dollar to start and open the Garden Spot up and I know and feel the universe is connecting me to the rest of the funds needed. This is a win win for all involved whether you will be a customer, employee or investor all is and will be perfect.
Currently I am creating the business plan, just finished the delicious menu, creating a web site and I think I even found the perfect location. All is flowing so quickly and I am just feel the excitement and fun all along the way!
Life is so grand when you do what you love!

What's goin' on in the biz

2008-07-22T21:43:00.000-07:00

I am busy busy creating my first business plan. WOW I love being a 36 year young unschooler. I get to follow my passion and inspire others, what a life I have. This whole business plan process is a lot to process and fun at the same time (if you have any advise PLEEEESE share). I am currently busy creating a menu (I love this part) and figuring out food cost (I enjoy the challenge). I am going with the KISS method (inspiring words from hubby) small menu so that I can add specials when I want. Living Pizza will be the house special, with more delicious food like, live garden burger wrap, thai curry bowl, and fun smoothies.

Lately I have also been exploring the real estate market and that is another challenge since I am learning costs associated with commerical rental real estate. I feel we should keep it small and quaint to offer more of an intimate setting for people. I am also looking for "an achor" like a yoga studio or health oriented space. So far I did find a great spot just not the location I was looking for and it is a posiblity. I know the perfect spot will show up with perfect timing until now the figures are helpful for me to at least know what I can budget for.

NOW One big important question is what will our name be? (again feel free to comment I would love the input) I have always loved "Delicious" for a restaurant and the first name I thought of was "Simply Deelicious" (since dee dee is my grandmother name), yet recently I thought of "Garden Spot" or "Deelicious Garden Spot"? Such an important process to name your restaurant and that puts questions out there we want a brand name because my goal is to open many of these cafes were ever I go!

I love to create delicious creations for people to eat (my mozart) and I love to serve others and talk. Ultimately I want to provide a healthy alternative to the usual fast food industry, just for fun.

More info to come so please comment and inspire with any ideas you have.

Loves and BLISS

Following Your Life's Purpose

2008-07-08T10:22:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been feeling discontentment in my life.

It has been a dream of mine to own a healthy fast food restaurant! I love to cook and prepare foods I have loved it ever since I can remember. So all the "experts" say do what you love! So I am in the works of creating a family centered, quick, healthy, living pizza, salad, smoothie cafe. I know all the negative talk about owning a restaurant and I also know that when you believe in yourself and your dream and when you feel good inside everything will work. It will be a win win for everyone: mostly organic fresh fruits and veggie for all to consume, quick and easy for all to order out or drop in, run as a family (I believe this is what is the natural learning process for humans) and of course great for the environment.

I am so excited I can hardly sleep!

Creation in the Process

2008-06-27T11:12:00.000-07:00

So in continuum to my last blog I sat down with one of my goddess sister's , Petra, and she inspired me to do something for myself (family) that I could do all the time, never get tired, and (for my requirement) my children could participate. See I have been feeling bored due to my own lack of being creative. Also I want to inspire my children in a real life setting to learn math, reading, writing, with purpose not just because.

I also have wanted to start a restaurant ever since I was cooking food/waiting in restaurants years ago. So I thought I love preparing food, raw food, being around people (especially conscious aware people whom many times tend to eat either raw, organic or vegetarian foods), and being with my children. Food cooking- preparing is and has been a long life love of mine and my children and others love eating my raw food or vegan creations. I know all the yada with the down falls of owning a restaurant. I am focusing on the family business, ownership, fun and unity of a loving food community restaurant.

I will also incorporating my "leaver" values of green living in anyway possible, hopefully we can put solar panels on the roof, low VOC paints, low lighting and organic or local farmers when ever possible. I will also be providing others food that in prepared in a positive loving creative setting full of conscious artistic efforts. Delicious simple creations complete with nutrition and care will be served. I have inspired my children so much Mitchel said "I will bring out the food for the people" Carter "I want to clear off the table" Bree "I could get my own cell phone with the money I earn" and Danyell will co-mange the restaurant and get to bring her baby packed on her back. Eventually Blake can quit his job that takes him so far away and be more present with us.

I believe an idea in which there is a win win in heart will bring forth greatness and prosperity! Our family wins, our friends and guests of our establishment win and the environment wins. In my heart I feel this creation aligns with my well being! I invite one and all to IN-JOY and experience the well beingness of the tasty nibbles in life and create an environment lovingly served with your heart and soul in mind!

Come In-Joy where you are always welcome!

Change is in the Air

2008-06-24T18:03:00.000-07:00

There are seasons in the life of a mother. My seasons have come and circled back 2 times. I had 2 children close together and 4 1/2 years later had another child and then again 4 1/2 yrs later I had 2 more children close together. The baby season is over in my universe and for the last time I am entering the era of childhood 6 to 12 years old, while Breeana enters her teen years. Each stage is special and I enjoy and learn with these young people in my life through their differences as much as their similarities. I feel grateful to connect with these young minds and yet I feel a sense that something has always been missing.

Now with Danyell and Marc gone out of the home, Breeana in Montessori school (by court order with Ex husband) and Mitchel and Carter doing their own explorations in life my role as their ever needed mother is becoming less of call. For the first time in my life I can not get enough books to read, I even went as far as to read a book a second time (a first for me). I am croqueting and living in my ever favorite movable home that I can not really move for at least the next 3 to 5 years. I have played this role as mother to babies since I was 16 years old and now 20 years later (wow that is hard to believe) I am experiencing new feelings. I feel content, happy and at the same time even boredom.

One of my all time favorite novels is The Red Tent which is rather odd when I think about the fact that it is written as a biblical Jewish novel and I am anti religious (not anti spiritual). Yet I adore the the female bonding and support that Anita Diamant creates within her characters and historically I envy that part of the time back then when women were so supported to take time for themselves. There was so much love and support between sisters, mothers, daughters and just the relationships with women in the book I found fascinating. The second time I read it I started to think about the order of life and how do we know or how are we inspired to know what do our fathers or mothers do.

Take breast feeding or home birth or even to earn a living, how do things happen, unfold, and take place in the natural order of our human race. In the past I have chastised women for feeding her child a bottle or women birthing their babies in an environment made from fear and medical emergencies. Our world is so big with media and children shoved off to school at 5 years of age how else do we learn? In false environments of separation and mindless "education" instead of inspired in real life roles.

My sons really have no idea what their father does or how he does it. They spend the day with me doing just about everything for them and their sister, it seems artificial as if we have to make up things to do or the need for constant video games or TV and not real life living or community support. Not that I am saying that doing things for my children is bad, I just feel that there is a break in the natural order of a tribal community. A community in which girls learn to be women and are supported by women and boys learn to be men through a support system where fathers take their sons or sons of the community to "work" to learn what fathers do to support the family.

I feel in my heart that being apart of a tribe is part of human instinct, the way we learn and grow is so important in a real life environment. In many countries this tribal culture still exists and in many cases holds on by a meir thread. For the others that have disconnected from this way of living I can feel that eventually as more and more people become spiritually conscious and connected so to will the tribal culture regain its power and one in which people men and women alike will come to equality and respect without separation in color, gender or age.

Perhaps to appreciate the connection of oneness humans had to create the illusion of separateness and disconnect for a time. I love the prospect of tribal connection and I believe that it is important to start with myself and so I have created a tribe through friends. I will continue to create an environment within our family that will give Breeana a connection to women and the hows of being a mother, wife and also myself with my own interests. I will create a business with Mitchel and Carter to bring back the family business community and Blake will join and be the male influence in their life. Change starts with one idea, one thought and one with action. The rest is history!

A New Role in the Life of Young Men

2008-06-20T12:13:00.000-07:00

Mitchel and Carter became uncles at the age of almost 8 and 6. At first Carter the "baby" of the family did not take well to his new role. Honestly I was a bit surprises to see Mitchel display such love and affection towards his new nephew, his display of the tough-guy just melted away the moment he held his new friend. I was not sure how Carter would react being that Danyell (Jake's mom and Carter's sister) has played a role to Carter as second mommy for most of his young life. For the past 3 and 1/2 months of Jake's life Carter refused to be uncle Carter and act knowledge him as no more than a pest.

2 weeks ago while we were all over at Danyell's house Carter started to take to Jake. I just kept telling my daughter Danyell who was a little uneasy about Carter's behavior towards Jake to just "give Carter his space and he will come around." Carter did come around in his own time and now he gets to experience how to be gentle and soft towards his new found buddy and I believe from all the kissing and constant hugs that Carter and Jake are on a loving path.

I think these are more unschooling experiences of allowing with honor and love. Just like reading, math or in this case compassion once anyone is given the space and opportunity life learning just happens and a child or adult can grow and expand. I think the best gift I can hope to offer these being that choose me to play their mother is love and space to be. I have experienced the importance of what it is to just BE WITH my child not be them or expect them to do or be anything they do not desire for themselves. I would love to inspire other parents to just give children their own space and just be their watching on their side. Watch them grow think and figure out how strong and special each one is.

As I write this Carter is playing with magnets, what I can see from my point of view is the little figures put together from his hands and imagination, even more there is a glow in his eyes, and the energy of wellness and that all is perfect!

Sunday Filled Free Daze and Perfection

2008-06-08T11:08:00.000-07:00

As I lye here in bed reading The Secret Life of Bees all morning and afternoon I feel a sense of peace and serenity. I look over to Carter who is playing the Xbox 360 Lego Star Wars and I can hear in the distance Mitchel on the computer challenging himself to a game he is so intent on winning. I am taken back to my childhood and the contrast. It has only been in the past 2 years or so when reading has been such a joy for me as I was growing up Saturdays were cleaning and then maybe play time Sundays where church going days and filled with lots of going around and frustration between my parents so thick you could cut it with a knife. Monday through Friday was school and never did feel that I just had time to be.

I often think what my children will take from their experience in the time space reality when I play the role of mother just about 24 hours a day? Here I have 5 different people who choose to enter my life and me to have the pleasure to accommodate them in their journey and yet they have 5 different perspectives of what their experiences are. I am not sure what kind of mother they see through their beautiful eyes and I know I improve as life moves on and maybe that is all I can really do. I would like to think I allow them to be who they choose to be and take their journeys where they want them to go. As much as I know we naturally make distinctions between what suits us and what does not I know for sure that I will choose for myself what works for myself and not for others.

Time for what I see and experience means everything and nothing at the same time. Time in the sense of space and progress and not clock time. It is what I feel as if I could imagine a tree senses the seasons, they come and go and will come again. I have experienced many spaces of time and my memory fills me full of joy and if I am not present enough even sadness at times. At the same time I have gained a stronger realization of illusion a knowing that I have been on this earth many times and there will be many more times here is to experience joy and even times of powerlessness in order to see, really see the true humor of life not take this world so literal, so serious.

My mind drifts and I think,

In this moment Marc 17yrs is choosing a life I know nothing of. Dumbing his experience down with drugs to somewhere I do not know, for he has ran away. I have see in his eyes his illusion of torment and pain all self inflicted. He is perfect we are all perfect. I know this is now his journey where my role is one more of arms open wide full of love and to assure him all is well when he chooses. He tells me he sees himself as broken, lost and confused. I remain rooted in the earth full of peace and a knowing that all will be well for him and for all. From a distance even the storm is beautiful and perfect.

I remember more knowing experiences,

Years ago Carter was in a hospital with many babies in an ICUnit the doctors would not tell me he was going to exit this earth yet all I could see was fear in their eyes that he would not pull through. I started to feel so powerless to do anything and then my spiritually connected friend, Dixie, reminded me that all would be well. We all choose our life and death no matter how ugly it may seem or who will be sad, our best role as the mother was to be the supporter of their choices. I went over to Carter and I could feel his confession to leave or to stay. I dug deep into the part of my soul where knowing remains and whispered in his ear it is OK to rest let the doctors do what they do, I support your decision if you choose to leave I will miss you and I will understand. The next day hope entered the energy of the room and I know he had decided to stay.

I am grateful I am allowed to be here enjoying this Sunday no need for church or frustration. These wonderful beings these children that choose me to play their mother, are free to be on a journey all their own, and connected to me to all at the same time. I will remain knowing that this is a victimless universes all well. They are strong they are connected to all and to spirit all at the same time. I feel peace and strength. I had children to be educated about something I came in knowing and maybe forgot a bit of before they came, I wanted the reminder, the in site into a universes beyond sight deep into the soul.

Chapter 10 is waiting along with Mitchel and the computer.

Life is perfect

Life is Bliss!

Educators Via Teachers and just 4 Laughs

2008-06-07T12:54:00.000-07:00

I love gross humor and people who know how to redirect and inspire others in a peaceful manner. The story below has both.

This story is of a principle and some teen aged girls in school and although I am not an industrial eduction supporter I loved the way this principle redirected or rather inspired this group of girls to stop the unwanted behavior of lipstick on the bathroom mirror. Only for example purposes only, not that I see anything wrong with lipstick and mirrors.

Beware I was only told this story so I am paraphrasing:

After countless times of courteous requests by the school principle a group of girls kept on insisting on kissing the bathroom mirror as they left the building. The principle decided that a demonstration in front of the entire class of young girls (so not to single out anyone in particular) might do the trick. After everyone congregated in the bathroom the principle proceed to dip a rag into the toilet and swish it around and clean the toilet. Then he took the same rage and started wiping off the bath mirror (former place of lipstick). Needless to say there was never any lipstick on the bathroom mirrors. LOL

Take life with humor it is Bliss!!

Create Your Universe on Purpose

2008-06-06T14:12:00.000-07:00

I feel an overwhelming gratitude for the connections I have created in my universe. For my friends and family and the family/friends who I refer to as the family I created on the planet NOW.

As I was driving by a gas station yesterday and looked over to see the current price of a gallon of fuel I believe my heart skipped a beat when I saw fuel starting at $4.01 a gallon. I consciously began to feel a sense of gratefulness towards to people in charge of this fuel process.

Now you are probably thinking I am crazy. You are right and I have a belief that we are all connected! We are part of the whole that makes up all this time space reality. I feel there is a focus going on in our world of fear over the fuel prices, over war in oil countries, and all associated with this subject. I have too been there myself and done just that and NOW I am and have changed my perspective to one of thankfulness -GRATITUDE!

I think change happens so perfectly when the contrast is so strong, like fuel prices raising at such a rapid rate! Desire coming when there is pain, perhaps in your pocket book, if one is not careful desire out of pain or helplessness will only creates more pain and helplessness and more raising fuel prices. Desire when there is simply a contrast of what is not wanted is there to create positive emotion of wanting in a perspective of creativity, as in an alternative to fossil fuel and clean energy.

As a culture we have been using fossil fuels to power many of our daily pleasures for about 100 years now. Now is the time for change! I feel the change is coming! I feel the energy in the wave of creative minds going to work quickly (because of the contrast of rising fuel costs and the environmental attentions) to create something so amazing we may all rise to the feeling of possibly POWERFULNESS.

We all feel contrast within our being and consciously we can choose to be grateful. Grateful that we have the beautiful or not so beautiful contrast and KNOW that all it well and perfect. We are here on this wonderful time space reality to experience all the contrast provided to us perfectly and in all the right timing. As you read this my wish goes out to you to gain awareness and KNOW that there IS perfection in all contrast and only by striving for consciousness will we see it.

I would love to see us join each other in a conscious effort through our thought, words and actions and feel at least hopeful that there is a wonderful solution to all the not so beautiful contrast that we are experiencing around us.

Join the conscious movement as be! We are walking through a bed a roses can you smell, see, feel, and taste the beauty that you wish to create in the NOW (not the thorns that we may step on along the way)?

With Bliss,

Darlene

I feel hopeful for the future of human kind

2008-06-06T14:08:00.000-07:00

May 19, 2008
Milk of human kindness

PERSONAL CONTRIBUTION: Ms Jiang Xiaojuan is helping to nurse eight babies affected by the quake.

A CHINESE policewoman is contributing to the country's massive earthquake relief effort in a very personal way - by breast-feeding eight babies.
A newspaper in Chengdu, the capital of quake-hit Sichuan province, yesterday devoted a special page to 29-year-old Jiang Xiaojuan, calling her a 'hero' while Web users hailed her as 'the most beautiful mother' in the world.

Ms Jiang, from the quake-ravaged town of Jiangyou, has just had a child herself, the Western Daily reported. She is breast-feeding the children of three women who have been left homeless by the quake and are too traumatised to nurse, as well as five orphans, the report said.

One mother, Ms Chen Tanghua, 36, said she has been unable to breast-feed her six-month-old son. He had been crying from hunger until Ms Jiang offered to breast-feed him.

The babies who lost their parents have been put in an orphanage which does not have powdered milk, the newspaper reported. It said Ms Jiang brushed off a reporter's questions about her deed by saying: 'All mothers love children. Nursing a few babies is no big deal.'

AGENCE FRANCE-PRESSE

Is Image everything?

2008-05-20T10:01:00.000-07:00

For the past few years i have been intrigued by the idea of shaving my head. I wanted to know what it physically felt like to be physically "naked". Carter woke one morning in April requesting that he wanted to get a mohawk hair cut that day! So after explaining all the to do about the non existence of hair he still wanted the mohawk and so he did get it. After the hair cut Carter said "I want my hair back". After some colored gel and talk he soon came to like his new red mohawk. A few days later I woke and decided I wanted to shave off my hair and metaphorically speaking all the negativity in my life too and see what it was like to be hair-free!

I was a bit sadden to see that most of the reaction I received was the people asking or presuming I had cancer. Kids mostly just point and say "mom look that lady has no hair". I personally loved the freedom of waking up and not having to do my hair. Life has been easy and carefree. Blake on the other hand has not liked it. He shaves his hair (due to top balding) and he says it feels a little strange with both of us with shaved.

I saw a show were a very beautiful thin actress dressed up in a suit designed to make her look bigger than her now self. She received different stares and attention then before. People walking away from her and avoiding her rather than towards her and drawn to her. Was it her in the suit and her energy of difference or just the suit and the images people put in their minds?

When I was little I remember thinking that if all people were blind we would be forced to see the true people inside, even ourselves. Our eyes can actually hinder our ability to see the beauty within ourselves and others.

I love a new show on cable TV (not that I watch TV too often) called "How to look good Naked" I recommend watching it at least once. The host on the show helps women see themselves as the beautiful women they really are no matter what size, age or color, instead of the illusion they have in their head. They are confronted with the illusion and feelings behind their image and then go through a process by which to SEE the beauty within themselves. By the end of the show they are feeling better about their self image enough to have nude photos taken of them (very tastefully done I might add) and then placed out in the open for public opinion. I think because of their confidence and love of who they really are.

Now I think "I was born with hair I have always had hair and then at 36 years 6 months nothing but skin." This process has been freeing, uncomfortable at times and uncertain and growing. Growing in a way of cleaning off the old and welcoming the new the NOW. I am observing the growth of my hair the textures, colors, and growth that change each day. I am calm and patient and at times i see the many strands of gray and think that must be this body and not me for I AM new colorful and FULL of LIFE!

Image or not I AM on the inside,

Darlene

I am finally back in the saddle

2008-05-20T09:07:00.001-07:00

So the past few months I have been in a different phase. Without making this a 12 page blog I will give you the condensed version:

January: moved out of house into a 1980 GMC Midas C Class RV

Marc, the dog and girlfriend Salina moved out.

February: in court:ex-husband wants Breeana (currently unschooling) in school

And NEW grandbaby is born YEA Jake.

March:New 5th Wheel YEA and Marc moves back in YEA!

April: Court again and Breeana forced into school (judge does not like me cuz I'm not paying her campaign fund LOL), luckily its Montessori.

May: Moved from Boulder City to Las Vegas again Marc graduation from High School.

Currently: all is well just as life goes. I miss the totally unschooling life with all 3 of my younger children and I am grateful that Bree is at least in a Montessori school and not in "Industrial Education called Public Schooling". I am standing by while my 17 yr old son is experiencing in bouts of unhappiness (called "depression" and "anxiety")and him wanting to take doctor prescib pills (something I have never believed in or given my children) and allowing it to be his choice. Blake and I are getting along better than we have in 4 years I feel we are on the up side of a really rocky battle and the dust is settling and we realize we are really better at being friends than enemies. I feel hopeful that even though I think I jumped the gun on living in a RV a little too soon I am here were I am. . . living . . . . breathing . . . I AM.

I miss my blogging I think it is the only time I can write and feel free to say what I want to say. Strange considering anyone can read these thoughts. And there are no secrets we are all connected all apart of one another I love me and I love you if you are reading thanks for the ear!

Darlene

PS I am back on the blogging train and I am not getting off again (I feel hopeful about this statement)!

Challenge v Anger, Lets Rise to Creativity

2007-12-16T10:09:00.000-08:00

So I am writing here on an observation of highly creative highly emotional energetic people like myself and looking back now realizing why I was in the principals office more than the class room for a many a years. Until recently I thought I must have been a bad kind because there was all this disapproval going on with all the adults. NOW through my observation of my young child self and my son Mitch, who is sooo much an expansion of me, realized that it is only when my son or myself is/was not creatively challenged that is when the frustration, trapped, anger, etc emotions come up for myself and him. I and people with these very creative intellectual minds are not bad they are extremely smart displaying their emotions of any given situation very outwardly. I remember having certain teachers that had a lot of creative extra activities (beyond school regurgitation) and those school years I did spend most of the time in their class and not in the principals office and felt satisfied.

Now since Mitch, Bree, and Carter are in life learning school (unschooling) I am constantly inspired to provide challenging games, tools, anything I can think of and providing the things they ask for available to them around the house since this is part of the world learning environment they are apart of. I notice that when Mitchel feels unable to pass a level (for the moment)in his video game he stops playing and during that phase of space in between going back to the game or finding the next challenge he is restless and many times he outwardly displays hitting others and fierce anger towards me. These are only emotions that are not personally against anyone just his displaying of needing the next challenge and yet not knowing how to ask for it.

I have learned sooo very much about myself through watching Mitchel (my true mirror). When I looked into his soul through the first connection when he was born I realized that he is a mature being he is creative and intelligent and not that all of my children are not he is just so to the front out there in life grabbing life and asking for knowledge and powerful in his being.

He wears his emotions on his shoulders and can swing from the most loving person to the most almost unbearable to live with. Knowing that I see soooo very much of me in him I rise to the challenge to understand (even though I make retakes (mistakes) so many of the time) him and this inspires more awareness of myself and consciousness comes about naturally through this being.

Since all of this new found awareness of myself and Mitchel I can see that perhaps peoples negative actions could be in large part do to the lack of creative challenge. How can young people sit in a class room and be asked to memorize this or that when it does not mean anything. There is no challenge no creativity in the process of public or private education? In this system there is no room for movement or questions or growth, when life is all of these and more. How is it that the US nation is so abundant and yet the "education system" is so poor. My opinion and observation is that it is the drop outs, home schoolers, unschoolers, the creative ones that created and still create this country. Especially the children born today and more so into the future they are an expansion us of this time and space more and more these beings will come in demanding more challenges and being more and more creative. I can feel in my soul that the systems of control and separation are on the brink of the fall and in there space with BE a more creative world of oneness with more light and love for all to grow to expand to move.

I write these words for awareness for change for self conscious healing. Everything I see inside my soul I already know will BE for all thought IS! I know that we are all powerful god-essence beings capable of everything we put our minds to I just hope that those thoughts are for all good.

Practice BEING HAPPY no matter what

2007-12-14T20:34:00.000-08:00

I feel so amazed and grateful for the friends I have manifested in my life. A great friend of mine read my last blog entry and then personally possed the thought to me that perhaps I could find a way to be happy without needing anything first. I am not sure why I feel so sad, why I am not sleeping and why I am also so angry at my loved ones, I have a great life and I can not really give myself a reason for my attitude lately. Then another friend within my wonderful group who is a massage theripist said she experienced negative stuff when she first started giving massage early in her career. Releasing her clients pain and taking it on herself.

I am now asking myself:

Am I taking on others pains?

Can I be happy without anything?

I am not sure if I am taking on others pains? Just the awareness to be conscious of this gives me an avenue.

Yes I can BE Joyous without anything. A thought came to me recently as a was watching a group of unschooling children play, Do I practice BEING HAPPY, BEING JOYOUS, BEING in the place that I desire? I know that when I am "playing" or focused on being in joy that I am at peace and feeling joyous. Most importantly I treat myself and others well.

How do I love to play and what do I want to focus on in the NOW:

1. I love to feel the sun's heat and feel the suns rays hug my body.

2. I love to jump on the trampoline especially with my children hearing them laugh and giggle.

3. I feel so relaxed when I am croqueting.

4. I feel so cozy laying in bed reading to Mitch, Carter, and Bree (when she lets me). It is our moment to connect, communicate and enjoy the peace and calmness of the evening.

5. Dream of my road trips as if I am already there, dream of my Costa Rica home that I saw in a dream one evening 1 and 1/2 years ago, or the vision of the Green TV show I have visions of, when I am dreaming as if I am already there I feel so excited, even a since of knowing

6. I look forward to my life now and everyday as now I think aging is so honorable (no longer the doom and gloom of the previous thoughts), my vision of living beyond a hundred years and realizing that I have so much time to do anything I would choose to do.

7. I have this new found love and liking of myself and who I am. I love being my own friend, going to movies by myself, taking myself to eat and realizing that I am so amazing. (In the past I never liked to even look at myself in the mirror and thought I was a bad person and not worthy of the life I had within me.)

8. I love listening to my ipod and listen to music from Beethoven to Fergie or teaching of Abraham-hicks, Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, Neale Donald, etc. Hearing the words of spirituality from those inspiring people overwelms my soul with so much peace, like hearing words that I already knew (even said and thought some of them as a child) and just now hearing for the first time and knowing it is truth because for me I feel powerful and have a sense of pure knowing deep within my soul.

9. I love to "dance as if no one is looking", I feel as free as a bird. (I would love to fly like a bird).

10. I love to paint and create art it is beautiful to me.

11. I love seeking out more play and fun and that feels joyful and adventurous.

WoW it is amazing that just the thought of those joy-play I feel the tickle in my stomach and an anticipation of doing and appreciation of my life and who I am and where I am. I know I am an expanding being and apart of the whole of the unvierse of GODESSENCE.

I think about the amazement of this world and the perfection of it all, life will always continue, happen, grow, be, how abuntant and connected.

I wish all NAMASTE!!

"I honor the Spirit in you which is also in me." -- attributed to author Deepak Chopra
"I honor the place in you in which the entire Universe dwells, I honor the place in you which is of Love, of Integrity, of Wisdom and of Peace, When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are One."
"I salute the God within you."
"I recognize that we are all equal."
"The entire universe resides within you."
"The divine peace in me greets the divine peace in you."
"Your spirit and my spirit are ONE." -- attributed to Lilias Folan's shared teachings from her journeys to India.
"That which is of the Divine in me greets that which is of the Divine in you."
"The Divinity within me perceives and adores the Divinity within you."

What's Up?

2007-12-11T00:02:00.000-08:00

New Family photos oh how fun!

Ok I know I have not blogged for a very long time. I will spare you from all the 1001 reasons why I have not been blogging. So here it is midnight on Dec 11 and I am blogging. . .

Anyone that knows me knows I just can not be cold yet here I live in Las Vegas freezing and cold. I have even been feeling a bit sad and depressed I NEED the sun. Unlike those of you out there loving the "change of seasons" I love warm wonderful sun and sunny rain. So I am also into seasons, avocado, persimmon, mango, etc season. My diet changes with season from Banana's and Oranges to Melons of any kind by the change in season. Now without heaters and layers of clothing and houses (shelter) many on you would not enjoy the season of snow, sleet, COLD.

For some years I have felt very sad come Dec, Jan and Feb I came to a conclusion today that I might have to be in the tropics very soon (at least in winter) or I could soon go insane from sadness. I LOVE being in joy and I am such a fun person when I am in that joy way. I was thinking that I just need to practice being in joy even if I fake it that way I will still be in practice when I find the sun and joy again.

Living in the moment and reading "Dance of the Dissident daughter"

So I have felt very restless for a many a months now and it is only getting worse. I love being a gypsy and love moving around (RV here I come) and I have now been in Vegas 3 years and lived in this house for almost 2 years straight I am so ready to leave, explore, run, jump, and live on sunshine. Yet in my moment I know I still have a lease until end of Jan and my daughter is having a baby in March and wants my help for a bit after the baby is born. Just between you and I, I am feeling trapped and caged I really would like to leave today this moment and fly out into the sky like a bird released from a cage. No in this moment I am laying in bed wanting to be thankful for being here in the bed in the same house for almost 2 years and in Vegas for 3 years and remain in Vegas until May (can you hear the gratefulness). I feel I have grown so much in the past 2 years and now I feel I am gaining momentum and all the stuff is slowing my momentum down and damn it I love momentum.

I am enjoying me and I am ready to move forward. After being a mommy and totally devoted to my children and losing myself in the mommy who is "Darlene" role I am on to a new chapter in my life book. I like and love myself and finally giving myself permission to be me I am ready to explore my wants and desires. Finally get on the road and see the world through my eyes. Sandal up family cause you are with Darlene no longer the mommy and wife and housekeeper--the wild, fun, crazy, adventurous, hippy gypsy, joy seeking person that I just found after a many a years and I am ready to ride the wave with you all as your best friend.

I know that a many women out there love the mom title and love being mom. Don't get me wrong I loved having my children and will always love the birthing and nursing and all that comes with the baby scene and I feel like when the mom title comes in as the kids start to grow and all that parenting stuff happens so does the vision of fun and self. I feel like I turn into a control person and yet when someone calls me by my name I am removed from those notions of control and "parenting" and I get to be the inspiring friend and confidant and I love those thoughts.

I think my children choose me and me them so to experience joy and contrast through their eyes and live their lives. Control is a world I unconsciously allow myself to fall into once in a while, consciously I believe the people that came through my body are strong beings capable of all they need to live their lives and be. WOW I feel so great when I write those words. Victimless world full of strong being guiding themselves towards what thoughts they think. All capable of creating a life of their choice. I feel so fabulous when I think and feel this way, I think it must be right because I feel so close to my source.

Well for now I think I have said enough here's to the sun and when we all will allow all to be.

I will be singing a manifesting song of "Here comes the sun" and How grateful I am to be a pendulum that swings through the trees full of sadness one moment and happiness the next.

Darlene

My Decisions

2007-11-16T07:35:00.000-08:00

To let you know I have not written in a long time and I have wanted to why? I was feeling "restless" in my life and NOW as the days pass I am talking charge of many of those "restless" issues and one by one they are solved!!

So here is an up date for those who would like to know and assist and myself to see for me.

1. Road Trip/RV Living:

We will still be living in the RV that in not in my possession YET and not until the end of Feb instead of the beginning. We have a friend who gets vehicles at auctions and he will not be back from Australia until the middle to end of Feb. We will be saving about $10,000 or more and so we are patient. Meanwhile we will be living in Las Vegas where ???? Probably one of those week to week rentals or who knows what will fall into my universe or brain come close to Feb.. We will NOT be living in the rental house we are currently in.

2. My son and his girl friend:

In the past I have struggled with this issue because I have never been in these waters.

For those reading this let me update you:

In March we found out that our soon to be 16 year old and his soon to be 18 year old girlfriend were pregnant.

In April we moved his girlfriend into our house to help them out.

In May she had a miscarriage.

In June they went and got a dog without the ok of the rest of the family.

From April to August neither my 16 year old son, Marc or his 18 girl friend, Salina had a job or was going to school. They spent their days playing games and coloring and watching TV.

I was practicing the art of allowing them to come to some motivation on their own to start providing for themselves. I was buying their food ($400 a month) and providing all that they needed (feminine Hygiene, including dog food). They were not picking up dog poop (that is without constant reminders)or helping out around the house.

I figured that they knew that we were going to start traveling in Feb 2008 and that they might want to start earning a living and preparing to move on with the world of adulthood since this is what they said they wanted.

I was wrong. Funny thing about formally telling your children what to do, eventually many of them expect you to.

So at the beginning of September I sat down with them and layed out our family plans of going on the road and invited Marc to join us because he is my son and he is still 16 years old. And I informed them that if they were going to get their own place they would need employment and a deposit.

By the end of Sept they had employment.

Beginning of Oct Salina and I got into an argument because I was having a kid party and there was poop all over the lawn from the dog and she was not going to pick it up because "she does not pick up dog poop". So I said then the dog can not live here and so she and the dog left. There was more to the story but that is the just of it.

They moved in with Marc's dad for about 2 and 1/2 weeks (and it was very peaceful around our house).

Marc came back one day and cried about how unhappy he was and that things would be different if he could move back. So we of course welcomed him back along with Salina and dog (reluctantly I might add and we love Marc and want for him what he chooses).

She was layed off from her job and so for the past month has not really looked much.

I have also be taking Marc to and from work at 6:50am and picking him up at 3:30pm.

I have been very tired I like being a night owl and I like my body waking me up when I feel rested.

For whatever reason I feel a bit afraid to talk to Marc, he is very powerful young person and gets very upset outwardly and openly. I know this is my stuff and I had to face that it was not going to happen like this anymore and I know that he is an strong, able, capable person to take care of his needs since he does want to be an adult.

Last night I wrote a lease contract out that included dog poop fees if I had to pick it up (I was NOT going to remind any more, I felt like a nag). If the rent is not paid on time (what Salina, Marc and I had agreed to $300 for rent with $250 going to their deposit on an apartment since we are moving out in Feb and $50 to us) Salina and Bella had to move out. Basically I felt I had to tell them what to do (which by the way is so hard for me). I guess I reasoned it by the fact that they will be signing a lease soon that does lay it out there and they will have to follow those guide lines or else they will be out. I did also include what my responsibility would be. A give and take. And I could no longer drive him to work in the morning or pick him up (since his dad is offering or the bus runs very close to his job and our house).

I do and did feel very good over this contract and very good after I left their room (even though Salina was not happy about the fact that she will have to move out if the rent is not paid on time since they have had 45 days to pay it) and I did ask them that if they had anything to add or a problem with something then we could discuss it and solve it.

Needless to say they signed the agreement and NOW at least it is in writing and everyone knows where their place is. We are the parents leasing the space to them paying all the $1400 in rent plus utilities of $400 a month and they are the family tenants leasing the space for $50 a month (I feel this is a great deal).

I want to see all of my children as powerful being in total control of the creation of the reality. I love them and I love myself and I know that co-creating is just that CO.

I feel that by the way I feel that I did the right thing for our family and what works for us. And if it does not we can just be flexible and change.

3. Holidays:

I love my and my children's birthday and those are the holiday's I love to celebrate.

I don't like it that people have created holidays and I am told I have to give. I love to Give I just feel that I love to give when I choose to give and with Christmas I feel that I am being told to give. So I have made a decision for me, I will only be participating in the love of holidays and unless I feel inspired to give or make something for someone I will NOT. I am inspiring my children to see that the joy of giving to others can happen 365 days a year.

I have explained to all of my family that giving will be done by choice and that each of us have that choice. I personally will be creating lots of fun and giving on their birth days because I am so happy they came into my life I know them and I love to celebrate them coming into this time space reality with me. And when I find something that they have asked for beyond their monthly spending money I may be inspired to get it for them (especially when the universe provides for a bargain price or extra prosperity has flowed our way).

4. Voting:

In college I decided I would not ever vote because I was not impressed by the voting process in our free country. So until I felt like their was a president worth voting for or any politician for that matter I would not be voting.

Now if Hilary (man without penis) Clinton gets voted I am going to live in Costa Rica or Mexico and I will do my best to not be a US citizen.

Now I will vote for Ron Paul if he is a candidate (even though I know how the whole electoral process works). Yes I will break my non voting record of almost 20 years and I will register and drive myself over to vote at a ballet. Anyone who really knows me knows that this is big for me. I truly believe that your biggest vote come from how you live your life.

I live:

I do not own a mortgage, I do not work for another person nor will I ever, I Unschool my children, I do not pay taxes on anything beside non food items (I love to order online and then I even beat those), I do not eat meat, dairy or soy, I buy organic, I shop at 2nd hand stores, I will so have an electric car and I will be biking when my children are old enough for me to not have a car, I will be buying solar and wind for my RV and have so wanted that forever, If I ever have a house it will be mortgage free and off the grid totally, I will eventually barter my way through life and live off "sunshine, water and fresh fruits that the earth will provide for me and I will be so rich I will give away to other randomly and without judgement."

So this is my stuff.

5. My vision of my career and global awareness.

I believe in law of attraction and so I am confused why others like Al Gore want to put a movie out there full of fear factors. I love Green and believe in it because it is common sense.

So I have an idea for a cable show possibly on HGTV. I could travel (with my children and partner) around the world to interview people using green solutions. I feel that most of the US population does not really understand solar, wind and other processes of green or how to get it or think that it is too expensive. I could interview alternative energy experts in an informative way to give the public more understanding in a positive way without the fear. The show would be fun and crazy cause I am and I could even add a non cooked veggie food recipe made by a friend of mine using little to no energy and organic. I think this would be perfect for me I love to travel, I love to talk, I love green alternatives, I love to inspire, I desire for my husband to be with us and to stop his line of work he does not like and my children love being with dad and mom.

Any person out there that is reading this if you know of any producers or how to do this beyond my putting the thought out there, I would love your opinion.

6. Family Past, Present, Future:

I am going to my mom's to spend some time (how much I am not sure) I will be leaving the family I have made with my goddess sisters and their families and entering a world I no longer know and I will be appreciating the contrast and knowing that I love the family I was born into and they know the being I was in the past. I appreciate the family I have created now and they know the being I have expanded into. In my opinion I am going to a place that they and I see the past because we are not around each other to have an image of the present because I live here and they live there. It seems rather crazy if I think about it like that. Oh well I have decided that this will be the last time for a while that I will be seeing them and I have changed my former negative perspective of the situation to see that there is beauty in the past and the present and even the anticipation of the road I am paving for the future. Because my being is still apart of the past I can choose to be involved in it once in awhile. Yet I feel less of the past of me becomes less important as the years pass, therefore I do not choose to visit the past too often. I love to be in the present and if I do not I have the power to change it. I am where I am and right now I am loving myself and feel myself expanding even through this blog!

Thanks for reading

Have a Joyous day!

36 years today, have I really been in this time, space, reality that many years?

2007-10-21T09:21:00.000-07:00

Up until recently age has been an issue for me NOW since listening to Healthy at 100 by John Robbins, a book about people in other parts of the world living way past 100 and doing it without drugs, I have a great new perspective on myself and how I feel about aging. I now feel that with age truly does come wisdom and more vitality. In the Centenarian societies John speaks about, people lie of their age to be older and age is more of a fun event and people look forward to the years as they past. These people remain healthy physical and mentally young and vibrant because they continue with their lives in a light hearted fun way. From my perspective it is the attitude and mentality of the people that keeps them young way into their 140 plus years. I will always remain healthy and vibrant and I love keeping my young vibrant awareness. Honestly I still feel 18 my body feels strong and lean.

Yesterday I was getting some stuff together for a yard sale and came across some pictures of me at 16 years I looked at them and thought "I think I look much better now". I know that what ever aging I do do will be a compliment to my beauty and even at 100 plus I will be out their exploring and living life enjoying the beautiful road I will continue to pave. I challenge any of you reading this now to define our societies expectations of aging as a bad thing and prove them wrong. It only takes that 1% to start the change of belief factors. Age is only years and there is beauty in all, just enjoy your path and make it what you want it to be.

Happy Birthday to me I celebrate this special holiday because I love me and I love who I am. I am young, sexy and oh so beautiful. Today is the first day of the rest of my life and I intent to joyously ride the wave to the fullest. Over the next year I will be living my dream of travel and promoting health and wellness. I will be a "dee dee" (grandmother) in March 2008, I will remain and even improve on the healthiest and strongest I have ever been. Fun and Joy is the road I pave for the next year.

I am Young!

I am Beautiful!

I am Fun!

I am Goddess of my universe so hear me Sing loud and clear inspiring others to let go and just enjoy the ride down stream!

Thanks to all who make up my universe I love you all!

DHARMA

Where have all the flowers gone and Dharma too? With the watermelons and the sun.

2007-10-14T08:32:00.000-07:00

So I went from posting daily to not posting at all what is up with me? Mostly we (our tribe) has one computer and Bree, Mitchel, and Carter are currently exploring the Internet a LOT. Club Penguin.com, Pokemon.com, Nick.com, Toon Town.com, etc. They switch each hour in a rotation and somehow I left myself out of the rotation and so I have been computer less due to these young mind playing on line, Oh My. WOW honestly I love to watch them call their friends who on their end are on the same game playing with them. Did I ever mention that one of my favorite things one of the best creations I think has manifested in the universe is the. . . Computer/Internet/Google!

I personally think that any parent has such an advantage to assist themselves and the young minds around them through this magnificent creation a quote from Mitchel, "Just Google it mom". He is always asking me to get on the computer and lets find out about XYZ or ABC and we Google it and there it is seconds later. I have older children before Internet and between you and I, I felt less of a mother not being able to answer those curious questions of "what is the largest person a live?" or "what is the difference of this and that?"

I replied with a lot of "I am not sure, would you like to look it up in that big row of encyclopedia's or go to the library miles away both taking lots of time and energy and by the time you find the answer they have moved on? Now you are just a Google sec away from all the info possible on each question which leads to more and more learning (I mean my learning) and happiest for all! I know it is a personal empowerment device that I feel like I can be smarter by the Google. "I feel Good and Google"

Now for some thoughts into my thinking. . .

1. Income Taxes and the IRS (long story I dont want to mention)

I would love to see a change in the system taxation with representation!

Thats all the kindness I have to say to that.

2. Gypsy Hippy Goddess- Dharma

So my new name as of 2008 and beyond will be Dharma. After some thought and research I feel that this is the name I was whispering into my mothers ear before birth and she was not listening to me (nothing new).

See my birth name is Darlene Kae Carter, now Darlene is also my (father's sister) aunts name and Kae is my other aunt's (mother's sister) name. Where is their originality for a child that was not suppose to be (some infertile part on my dad) that came forcefully through the universe to bring joy and pain into their lives. This name has troubled me for quite some time and yet I have not expressed it until now, I am Dharma hear my songs! Dharma feels fun and free. Dharma fits the side of my person that is radically creative and moving with joy. Dharma is the traveler with a hippy "love all" spirit and paving the roads with a creative easy going mind. Thank you for your support in this transition or maybe I am just crazy, no maybe and crazy is what crazy does go Dharma!

3. Road Traveling

I know I am not on the road yet but I must say here that I am looking forward to it in every sense of the forwardness of it.

A. Moving or Gypsiness

I might as well include you in the history of the Gypsy Dharma formally known as Darlene.

1. Moved into a new house with my parents at 1year.

2. Moved into my grandparents home at 14year.

3. Moved into many fun homes with fun drugs (past) too many to remember we can just call this move 3.

4. 1st husbands mom house

5. back to mom's house

6. 1st real apartment (17 years)

7. duplex (rent was only $200, although it was a questionable neighborhood but $200)

8. 2nd apartment

9. 3rd apartment (the worst, pink appliances and counter tops and gross brown carpet)(19yr)

10. first rental house kind of cute but very small 900 sq ft

11. Condo with 2nd husband (21 yrs)

12. Bought first house (the house I grew up in from 1 to 14yr) (22yr)

13. Moved to Vegas and bought 2nd house (25yrs)

14. Left husband #2 and bought my own condo (26yrs)

15. Moved out of condo with Blake, husband #3 into a rental house

16. Moved to St George, UT and bought a house with Blake

17. Moved into my mom's 2nd home (mom has only moved 5 times in her 57yrs) (30yrs)

18. Bought house is Clearfield, UT (so damn cold in the winter, had to move, what was I thinking)(31yrs)

19. Moved into a run down condo for $500 a month in St George, Ut (warm again) (32yrs)

20. Moved into our van for a few months in California (I guess you could call this a move, $6000 to move into just an apartment in Cali, can you believe that?)

21. Rental house back in Vegas (good and bad)

22. Bought another house in North Las Vegas (Great house, bad neighborhood, what was I thinking?)

23. Moved into rental house in the Lake's (still Vegas) (34yrs)

24. Into RV Feb 2008 YES! (36yrs perfect for the retirement of me living in a permanent structure.

Ok 23 moves in 34 years I belong in a home that travels with me. After all the idea of living in one house for the rest of my life and "settling" down feels nauseous, like putting me in a pine box under the ground. At the same time all the constant packing up and moving stuff is driving me crazy and at the same time I LOVE to move around and I enjoy all the new energies of new areas and new places. I want to stop over in each state or country of interest for about 6 months and then move on to the next. Why did I not think of this sooner? A house that moves with me, my stuff and my little people (children) perfect for this Gypsy women.

Another advantage I thought of was how close I think we will get to one another, when we (Mitchel, Bree, Carter and I) went to TX and AZ last Feb 2007 we had the best time, so fun and such bonding relying on each for help, love, support.

Con I have a husband that will not "live off sunshine" (living with limited means of income yet finding all you need). So we will be living in the 5th wheel with each other until we want to move around then I am not sure.

I have a goal to go the the Life is Good conference and the Live and Learn conference. SO from Feb 2008-April 2008 we will be living in our 5th wheel in LV, NV then in May 2008 we will be travel around the US starting from Cali to OR to Vancouver, WA to Montana to WI to MI to NY to Maine to Eat Coastal line to NC to FL to TX to NM to UT to NV to see my older children and grandchild. Then head south for winter and May 2009 head through the middle US states or where ever our hearts desire, MI, NY and beyond. If Blake will join us all the time I am not sure. I will think more of this and get back to you.

This year so far has really been a healing year for me. I feel that as the next year approaches that it is going to be the best full of joy and fun year to date. My life feels dramatically changed- my older 2 children, Danyell and Marc, have moved on and out and have embraced their lives beyond mom, I feel myself calming and yet having fun and experiencing joy is the path I continually strive to pave. I watch Bree, Mitch, and Carter play, experience joy and learn things that I know they want to know not because anyone told them. Radical Unschooling along with Joyful Parenting is my daily refined commitment to them and myself. I choose to see our family equal and with that we can all support one another. I enjoy the great circle of goddess friends I have manifested (and continue to manifest) into my life. They are true friends and I thank them so dearly for their constant example and support. Blake is my friend and companion who inspired the light within me that glows on today. I love myself and am so grateful for the crazy different person that I am and continue to be. I spoke with my amazing grandmom who told me that "my life would be boring if it were not for you, my little gypsy granddaughter" I see myself as amazing and continue to want to expand the greatness and wonder within my goddess soul.

Live, Love and Smile

Plant it and it will Grow!

Dhama

Where have I been?

2007-09-19T21:48:00.000-07:00

So I have been not blogging lately and not taking fun photos of our wonderful dayz. So what have I been doing???

*Crocheting- I want to make more and more and I might even want to sell some. I think this may be a not so cool thing to do anymore. I like the sense of self accomplishment I feel finishing my crocheting projects. Pic on the way soon, I promise.

*Zelda- Bree, Mitch, Carter, and I have been Zelda Twilight Princess playing. This is one game I can really get into or sucked into or funned into. . . . In order to get the next process we simply look it up on cheats.com and there you have it the next step to the next step or process and on we go. Did I ever say how much I love the invention of the internet!!

*Being empty. I love being a mom and I love being an unschooling stay at home mom. I would love to be one of those moms that never needs a day away (afternoon) alone. Did I mention my husband is gone 90% of the time. I am pretty much a single mom and free spirit. These two sides of me clash at times and all I love to take care of myself with an afternoon with me, myself and I. I use to feel guilty for wanting time with me and up until Carter (my baby) was 4.5 years I rarely went to the store alone. I enjoy my children and the great thing is when I have taken care of me no one seems to fight and we are having fun most of the time. When I choose put off my time with me and run on empty I feel like I start to resent people (Blake and Kids) and yell A LOT. So the way I look at myself is I love feeling full of myself so I can share and do it lovingly and with lots of energy. No guilt here just love love love and knowledge cuz I know I can be a full time mom and spending time with me.

*Becoming debt free and working. Last month I gave up my last control in my family- the bills and check book. After 9.5 years together, Blake took over the bill paying and check book process his goal- debt free! I am currently choosing new patterns to think by when it comes to money. I want to spend and do today for NOW is what we have. At the same time I want to owe no one. I want to pay of things with cash only and so what to think???? Any suggestions will be considered. Anyways I thought that Blake would like to be in the driver seat of this bill/c book process since he is the one that brings in the dough. I love the way he just took over and I am seeing more of the empowered happy Blake since this whole process over a month ago. Now for the debt that I racked up I thought I would take a job for a friend working one 9 hour day a week for $50. I have done it 2 times and I so over it. Not that I dont love being with my friend I just feel that I am #1 worth more then $5.5 hour #2 have to constantly tell my children to leave me alone "I'm working" (I hate this part the most) #3 I am starting to feel sick about going to work because I promised myself 8 years ago when I quite my last job that I was worth more and the only work I would do would be for myself and after my children where raised. So I will just figure out other ways to help cut costs cause I dont think that a mom working is fair to my family. I love and want to support Blake in becoming debt free so I will find a way to do something I love, with my children in their happiness and all will be well.

*Looking at 5th Wheel Trailers and making plans. We will be living out of a trailer or RV in Feb 2008 yea a dream come true. I will up date as things go on.

*Started a 90 day work out system to get a total muscular body. OOOCH it is very painful right now but I feel those endorphins working!

That plus breathing, living in a nut shell!

Power For One and Power For ALL!

2007-09-13T20:24:00.000-07:00

I know that being a parent has given me the most contrast of both Joy, Powerlessness and every emotion in between. As a young child I did not want to be a mother. During my contrasting teen years I thought of the idea of becoming a mother and a month later law of attraction came in the form of a positive pregnancy stick. I was not a young minded 16 year old girl I was a mature 16 year old who grew up faster than my mom and dad cared for. I had already spend over a year out on my own and had ideas that a baby would feel a void in me of loneliness. Being a parent was going to be easy because I would be a different parent than that of my parents. I would be the cool mother and my child/ren and I would be best friends. I am here to confess my parenting life has been a roller coaster ride and from one minute to the next I want to keep standing in line to go again and get off the minute it feels like I am going to fall-fail.

It has been quite an adventure through the past 19 years and 5 children later. I feel such appreciation for all the ways I have grown and expanded through the assistance of these 5 people who choose me as their mother. I did start off with all great intentions and yet somehow I took hold of those oars and started to show my 2 older children just how to be unhappy and row up stream hard and long with lots of force and control. As each child entered my life, the contrast expanded. Each of these beings came complete with their own unique personality and more and more I was being challenged to look at myself in the mediafor mirror. As they grew I could see and hear them saying things I did not like and I knew they had picked up those attitudes, words or behaviors from the example I was setting.

I began to feel guilty and tried to over compensate by being a permissive parent and do everything for them. I felt that I needed to save them from this damage I thought I had done to them. They became more resentful and seemed angry towards me. I started to resent myself, them and became depressed. Even my husband and I were arguing more and more because he could see what I refused to see. My children were not respecting me, they wanted to make their choices and be allowed their power. At the same time my husband and all my wonderful friends wanted me to allow myself to have wants, needs and time for me.

How different ones perspective can be from another's. From where I am now I can look back on this growing process and see the broader perspective. When I continued to stay in a lower emotional place of guilt I could not give myself the permission to stand back and take a broader perspective of allowing. Allowing others to own their power, make their choices of contrast, good and not so good, feels so comforting to me now. I also get to allow myself to express my needs and fulfill my desires. Being a parent is perfect and by growing and learning from the contrast I have asked for I can adapt and change in the direction that is best for all including myself.

By creating a co-parenting relationship with my husband, children and myself we can all get what we need and want. Currently I am practicing the art of allowing others to have the contrast that they ask for and at the same time grow towards living in a harmonious environment in which we all can live happily together. Now I feel confident kindly expressing my wants and needs or that of the whole family when I feel something is out of balance in our home. I even take myself on a date when I feel my cup is empty. When my self love cup is full I can give freely and lovingly to others.

I have heard and read for years that your children don't listen as much as they watch. They mirror our examples of how we treat ourselves and others. Viewing others from a place of helpless or victims only creates a world of powerlessness. People are powerful, my children are powerful and I am powerful.

Someone I love very much told me of the story of the BUTTERFLY . (please excuse the improv)

One beautiful summers day I came across a butterfly still inside its cocoon. As I took a closer look I could see that it was working to escape from its blanket it had been so snuggled within its change. As I sat there and watched I started to view the process as a struggle and so began to feel empathy for the butterfly. I thought that I should "help" the butterfly in someway to prevent this struggle I thought I could see. I felt this anxious pain inside to protect and care for it. I searched for the tools I needed to release the butterfly and began this delicate process.

Slowly I cut the cocoon ever so delicately as not to mess with the helpless creature inside. At first I felt a since of pride as I watched as the butterfly emerged from its cocoon to stand and spread its wings. Then as I stood back I could see the butterfly was struggling more than before. It was having a hard time standing on its own or fluttering its wings in order to take off and fly. After quite some time it was finally able to maneuver enough to fly but only for a moment until in crashed into the ground. Within moments a swift wind came and carried the now dead butterfly away.

Please understand I did not realize that the butterfly did not view his "struggle" as a struggle at all but a fun challenge. The challenge that frees the butterfly strengths the butterfly and release the extra liquid and nutrients needed to fly from flower to flower, lay eggs and live out its life. The butterfly is strong and knows what it needs to go from a pupa to a caterpillar and on to a beautiful butterfly.

There is an illusion of struggle and an illusion of joyous expansion and growth as a being. I choose to see the perfection it all!

8 Fact Things about Meme

2007-09-10T17:50:00.000-07:00

http://heartschooling.blogspot.com/2007/09/8-things-about-meme.html
Oh, I've been tagged for a Meme by Tara at http://heartschooling.blogspot.com/2007/09/8-things-about-meme.html. Not that anyone does not know just about my whole life story already. I am an open book.

The Rules:

~ Post these rules before you give your facts
~ List 8 random facts about yourself
~ At the end of your post, choose (tag) 8 people and list their names, linking to them
~ Leave a comment on their blog, letting them know they've been tagged (Tara has tagged all our my blog buddies mostly already so here's my 8.

8 Fun Facts of Darlene-Dharmez

1. I have never like my name because it is other peoples name (Darlene, my aunts and Kae, my other aunt) I know a name is really not as big as I make it but I am original and so should my name be so for at least the piss-my-mom-off factor I am changing it to Dharmez (Source-center-within). I made up my name and so the FACT is Dharmez is original to match me.

2. I Love to be naked and even though I don't get to too often (it bothers my 16yr son and girl friend) I wear the least amount of clothes possible which includes no under ware (bras and undies) and bare feet or flip flops or sandals that allow my feet to breath. FACT is I love to feel the air on my free body!

3. I am a Gypsy and love it. Even before I can tell you I know I was a traveling gypsy and want to live around the world seeing all this planet has to offer. I will be living in an RV/travel trailer as of Feb 1, 2008 and can hardly keep my excitement contained. These gypsy bare feet will get to finally start to travel and that's my FACT.

4. I believe that all women have it in them to birth their children by themselves, self EMPOWERMENT. I did I have email and spoken to a many women who have had their babies either with only their lover or by themselves and we all believe it was one of the best things we could ever do and what power you get to display. It is a FACT that I know that anything I put my mind to I can and will do, there's a will there's a way!

5. FACT I believe that the 3 best theories in life are Law of Attraction, Unschooling and Parent Effectiveness Training and the amazing thought is that all three of these work together to create my perfect life. I love my life more and more and love being a parent more and more since I have truly incorporated an Unschooling life style, PET trainings (not that I am always perfect about it) and taken a more conscious effort in deciding my Law of Attraction. I know that the time space reality that I live in is perfectly wonderful with lots of contrast.

6. I want to be a publish author and a reality show host with stories or people living Bliss and following their passion. Hopefully an inspiring show to motivate others to follow Joy. FACT Soon you can look for me on the number 1 book sellers list and cable TV (maybe a new channel "fun and feel good" channel!

7. FACT is I just picked up crocheting after only learning it at the age of 9 (I am now 35yrs) and at that time I had only crocheted a simple heating pad. I love to crochet and want to do it very often. I have made: 3 bags (out of recycled grocery bags), started on a third bag over the past 2 months, and just last week I made 2 ponchos. I think I am pretty good at it, I just bought enough yarn to make blankets for all my children for the holidays. I keep thinking why do I love to crochet? The only thing I can come up with is, I have to be doing something and I can talk or watch TV, take it anywhere and crochet and that feels me up.

8. The FACT that I believe that we are Eternal Being and when we croak (die) we just get to (if we want) come back and experience this time space reality again as a more expanded being gives me peace. I know that my only "job" is to experience BLISS and all the contrast I experience along the way is to help me decide what I want from what I don't want.

I am tagging the following blogs:

http://goddessearthmother.blogspot.com/

http://freespiritlife.blogspot.com/

Lots fun and enjoy you!

I'm a Drop Out and that Feels so Good!

2007-09-05T05:25:00.000-07:00

I wrote earlier about my writers block and now at 5:30 am I can not stop my brain from thinking and here I am writing. The key is no sleep? Oh well here I am at this moment and all is perfect so I am writing away. . . .

In my sleeplessness I fancied over to another unschooling mother blog (http://raisingrevolution.wordpress.com) and she gave me some more inspiration and insight about myself. Throughout most of my PS (public school) years I spent as much time as possible at home missing as many days as possible. I thought school to be boring, uninteresting and pointless. So by the time I reached 7 grade and went from one classroom to 7 I was pretty much done with school and only went for the social aspect of my hobby at the time BOYS. I did love all the before school and after school stuff like smoking cigarettes, marijuana, drinking, having really bad sex (I wish they would teach how to be a great sexual partner in some school LOL) etc. It was definitely a great learning and social environment that I continued until the age the 16 when I realized that with the new freedom and combination of job, driver licence and car I no longer needed PS. So I became like many of the great thinkers of our time a PS drop out and with a newly found sense of self awareness and trust that I have come to Cherish.

Now many of what I like to call the unstreamer's (people who live life paddling up stream against the current) may view not getting the complete disciplined education that PS has to offer is totally outrageously insane but I like to say that I broke free of the chains of PS and allowed myself to think beyond the cement box.

So now I lay here in bed as the sun peeps over the mountains with a new fond memory of a very young me telling my mom I am going to be so great I will change the world! Such an amazing and insightful child who was not appreciated by those around me at the time. Oh well there's that contrast again and NOW I have friends that so do appreciate me and love me for all the creative thinking and views I bring into their world. I love me and I know I have already changed the world we all do just our presence changes the pattern and turn in space and expands the universe beyond our conscious comprehension. I have hopes and dreams that I continue to change and evolve with time and gain more of a complete knowing that everything I want is given. I did drop out of an environment that I never felt served or interested me. I allowed me to be true to myself and what I felt inside of me that knowing that no one can touch or out do. A source we all have within self and a source that will guide us always. Listen within a you can always stay true to yourself and follow yours feel good feelings. If it feels good then it is right for you.

What to do about the disciplined child? Its all good!

2007-09-05T04:35:00.000-07:00

It is 4:36am in the morning and I have been woken up by teen children-doing something I am not so happy with (slamming doors, arguing loudly, getting phone calls, drugs and or drinking). I am not sure how to undo the doing of the controlling environment that Marc and Salina have been raised with and I am not sure it can be undone except to allow time to take its course. So I said to Marc that we needed to have a talk tomorrow. He said about what? I said "this is a family house and not a 3am party house." He reacted to the comment and stormed out of the house demanding I give him his child support and called me a "fucking bitch" and that he was going to "fuck up our cars". What in the hell did I ever do to deserve a treatment like that. I just called Blake which I never know is the right thing to do because he does not really believe the unschooling life style.

Clearly he is NOT happy clearly he does not value himself or else how could you say those words to a mother that has been a good mother, maybe not great but good. I am not taking this personal just wanting to understand why he does not want to see the love within himself? I know that Blake is going to talk to him and Blake is the only person Marc is half way listening to. I am surprised that Blake does not see the damage that discipline has done for Marc. Now I am not extending any excuses for the behavior that I clearly have a problem with because I am losing sleep from the constant noise and for that I may feel like an angry bear tomorrow.

I want to love Marc and he just will not let me in. Basically I feel like he wants nothing to do with me. I believe love must start with the self and so I will just be here when he decides he wants his mothers love. I look back on the behavior of Danyell's 14 to 18 years and yes similar problems similar feelings of sadness seeing her still self hurting and destructiveness. I have to consciously remind myself to not feel so responsible for Danyell and Marc's emotional well being. I could blame a whole gamut of things, divorce, control, some public schooling, my past self destructive behavior, etc and it all comes down to I do not see them as victims. Victimization only dis-empowers a person and I know the contrast I have been immersed in, in the past and over time I continue to evolved and realized my self love and importance as the amazing being that I am and so will they. Danyell and Marc are strong and they are just unconsciously asking the universe for a lot of contrast in order to know what they want and don't want.

Ultimately how I see the universe:

I see my children as the strong healthy happy beings of source they are and know that all is well. This is an everlasting, evolving universe that I so blissfully came into knowing that there would be contrast and so contrast I have. I know what it feels like to love and what it feels like to be in revenge and I know what feeling feels better (the love, of course). From a broader ever lasting perspective I can see the perfection in all moments in my life, knowing from a place within my centre being, that all is well and will continue to be well even when wellness looks like revenge at the very least it is a step up from powerlessness. I love this time, space, reality and I plan on coming back more expanded and do it all over again and again knowing that my soul purpose is to be in Bliss and getting there may look like frustration or anger and I know Bliss is my means to a never ending story.

Perception is Everything

2007-09-04T15:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Blake and I were having this loud discussion about what discipline does or does not do for a person (mainly regarding our 16year old son Marc-current discussion conversation of the past 2 years). This is a repeated line of his "I don't think that a little discipline hurts a kid once in a while!" So without ripping off his head (what I usually envision in times such as these) I decided to look at this discussion from another perspective and walk around it a bit and pick it apart. I started by looking up the word discipline and thank goddess to dictionary.com I was given 12 definitions of the word discipline:

1. training to act in accordance with rules; drill: military discipline.
2. activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training: A daily stint at the typewriter is excellent discipline for a writer.
3. punishment inflicted by way of correction and training.
4. the rigor or training effect of experience, adversity, etc.: the harsh discipline of poverty.
5. behavior in accord with rules of conduct; behavior and order maintained by training and control: good discipline in an army.
6. a set or system of rules and regulations.
7. Ecclesiastical. the system of government regulating the practice of a church as distinguished from its doctrine.
8. an instrument of punishment, esp. a whip or scourge, used in the practice of self-mortification or as an instrument of chastisement in certain religious communities.
9. a branch of instruction or learning: the disciplines of history and economics.
–verb (used with object)
10. to train by instruction and exercise; drill.
11. to bring to a state of order and obedience by training and control.
12. to punish or penalize in order to train and control; correct; chastise.

How do you feel after reading those enlightening LOL definitions of discipline?? I feel sick to my stomach and question how can any of that be good for anyone or anything?? I just started thinking of the irony or rather craziness of the discussion of that whole discipline subject. I am thinking to myself why would any parent want their child to be obedient, controlled, trained, whipped, or punishment? Oh I know why so that one can force someone to be the way they want them to be so to not inter-fear with their world. OK so I can see that to a point however what happens when one wants their child to start thinking for him/herself you know grow up, move out move on? Get a JOB (just over broke) or military style?

Most of the money and bliss in the world comes from individuals who start their own business, think for them selves, be who they choose to be. Many are drop outs or those who got in trouble and never fit in the system.

As long as a child continues the obedience life is fab right??? Now lets look back and ask oneself if control, drills, punishment, trained, whipped, grounded etc is what they liked when they were young or would they like it now in their adult life? Maybe some may say yes, my husband says he was not hurt by the things he went through as a youngster, is he and maybe many like him are just brain washed into thinking that a whippin' once in a while never hurts anyone. I personally think those people are in denial.

I have a different point of perception and I did think that the belittling, spanking, punishment, and grounding that I received at home not to mention the fear based training in public school I received was harmful to my being and spirit. There are even moments when I fall back and become controlling to one of my children and I always let them know that I am still reprogramming my ways of parenting since my example was not something I would choose for them. We work it out and I take a step into conscious parenting even more.

With Blake and I not in alignment with our parenting perceptions I feel like part of me wants to laugh because I think that discipline parenting programing is ridiculous and the other part of me feels empathy for his belief in that disciplining through force and all the other stuff that comes that way is OK. Oh well at least I can stay out of his fear and remain in alignment with my desires of a positive relationship with my children.

I know that what my children behave in ways that at times does not always look great from my point of view I just take those moments to remember that I am not in their head, from their prospective and start to look around the issue as if it were a picture and Live, Laugh and Love by allowing us all to live in peace.

Book writing questions and thoughts????

2007-09-04T14:25:00.000-07:00

I have been working on my first non-fiction book over the past 4 days. My idea is that I could have a ruff draft by Sept 30, 2007 and I am still shooting for that date. I currently face myself with the question of what the books subject is. I believe that I am a fruit-looping, interesting, adventurous person that has done so much in her 35 years of life that I have so much to inspire and share with the world. I have lived a very different life from the main upstream lifers and I want to tell an amazing story filled with inspiring information to contribute to the mass. So my idea's are: #1 Self-taking time for self gaining self, not losing self,self etc, #2 Attachment Parenting or "flow down stream" parenting-unassisted birthing, child lead weaning, co-sleeping, unschooling, etc., #3 goddess-women stuff (which would probably tie in with self and all that has to offer, #4 using inspiring quotes to be the subject and going from there. Does any of this make any sense or is most of it just a picture in my head and I need to gain some more skills to get it onto paper (computer)???

So far my ideas of titles "21st Century Hip-me or hippy or hippee or flower child" "Down Stream Parenting" "Life to Live With" "Everything has Perfect Perception" "Life, Liberty and Blissfulness=Pursuing your dreams" oooh what the heck I have a whole book series in my head one minute only for it to exit when I sit down to write. I need to get it out onto paper. Have any advise?? My friend Victoria (who has written 6 books) told me to ask questions and then answer them and the answers turn into a chapter. Ok ask and it is given, right??

Should this not just flow out of me if it is something I really want to do? Maybe it is just the first book that's the most challenging.?.

Unconditionality VS Desires

2007-09-02T11:36:00.000-07:00

Below is some information I found so powerful. I love it when we can empower ourselves and live to our highest potential and power.

THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle
www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove

:: Unconditionality vs. Desires ::

Q: How do you reconcile "unconditionality" with
having preferences and desires? If you're totally
unconditional, shouldn't everything be fine the
way it is?

A: Unconditionality doesn't mean having no
preferences or desires; it means that you don't let
the temporary absence of your preferred conditions
prevent you from enjoying the present moment...

"When conditions are to my liking, I feel
great! (Obviously.) And when conditions are
not to my liking, I enjoy anticipating the
unfolding of my preferred conditions."

The idea that you can't enjoy this moment because
of unwanted conditions is a LIE perpetuated by our
conditional culture -- a lie that serves no purpose
other than to keep people feeling powerless!

Unconditionality says, "Enjoying the here and now
is my top priority, so I'm not going to use these
conditions as an excuse to separate from my natural
state of Well-Being."

So when your child "misbehaves," or your partner is
unsupportive, or you're sleep-deprived, etc., use
those unwanted conditions to help you clarify what
you *do* want. Then practice unconditionality by
accepting the present conditions AND joyfully
anticipating the fulfillment of your desires.

Life Lessons and Dreams

2007-09-01T20:04:00.000-07:00

San Diego, Ca Pier off Shelter Island

Over the past week or so I have not been on to blog, one of my favorite past times, other things happening. So I am back and here is an up date of all I have been up to:

Last week end I spent my time at a "dream seminar" called Life Mastery. Crazy if you think of it, I was told in my public education years to "stop dreaming" only to spend money to be able to start dreaming or at least to act on them. Well it was fabulous! I love to dream, I am a dreamer I just have not been acting on my dreams. You know mothering with all of me for the past 19 years. I think because we are trained as action beings, by society, we think that writing dreams down is a must. I don't think it is necessary but I did have fun doing it and creating more vivid dreams in the writing process. My impression is that when I write down my dreams I allow myself to let go of any worry or of thinking of them all the time. One of my favorite dreams is to be a writer, public speaker, reality show host, which is all apart of each other. Now I have a plan of action of when and a how I can accomplish those goals. So soon to be in a book store near you.

A second dream I have is to travel around the US (and Europe) in an RV or trailer/truck. I want to see the world around me from a different view point. So another thing I have been doing is spending hours reading about others that are unschooling RVers and looking for the perfect RV to fit our family. Lots and lots of time on looking. Blake is not sold on the idea 100% so I have to collect the information for the both of us to make a conscious decision.

Writing, Dreaming, RV looking, Dreaming and very little sleep in between. I am so glad I unschool or else how would I ever find the time for my dreams while the kids are creating theirs. Well what a life I have I love creating and allowing.

My First Road Trip all by myself: Part I the departure

2007-08-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

Over 19 1/2 years ago my first child entered my body and I became a mother for life adding 4 more along the way. Although my motherly journey still continues I am taking a weekend for myself. I have an opprotunity to spend some time creating a new relationship or prospective about money. I just recently turned over our finances to Blake and for the first time in 22 years I let go (feels like a breath of fresh air) of knowing what money comes in and out and the bill paying (except my 3 bills I pay with child support) in not my responsibility. I have a budget and our goal is to become debt free and stay debt free I am on board but not in the drivers seat for the first time.

So tomorrow I will leave bright and early and venture out to San Diego, CA for a weekend build from my law of attraction. I know all will be well when I am gone and so I can enJoy myself and get to know myself more without the help of my fabulous partners (children, Blake and friends) and without my wonderful world I have created. I get to take on new feeling of flying free to expand my wings even more. I have no expectations or hopes of nothing more than a chance to simply spend my time peacefully enJoying me.

So for now I am complete and I will resume on Monday with an update of my weekend date with myself.

Going up the Emotional Scale Through Growth and Perspective

2007-08-23T08:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was so fun and as the night came in, 6pm to be exact, I had one of those mommy moments that I am not proud of. I am working myself out of feeling guilt I know this is a feeling I so have felt much in the past and it does nothing to serve me or anyone else. So up the latter into sadness. I feel sad because behaving in rage is a feeling I least like and how can I avoid going there again? I know Mitchel is 7 and yet when he is relentlessly unhappy and displaying it how can I stand back away from my emotions and not get involved? How can I help the needs of one while providing for the needs of myself and 2 other children? Up the scale some more into frustration. I look back on myself and know that just leaving would have upset Bree and Carter but Mitch and I could worked things out more peacefully. Up some more into hopefulness. I know that I am human and not all the time do I handle things the way I believe I should. I get wrapped up into the whole self-centered emotion and I know I am learning and growing from it. I did do things I choose not even to apologize for or to write about (I choose not to repeat them again) because then I finally stopped stood back and remembered LOVE. When I returned home I remember being 7 and the only way I had learned how to express my feeling of not getting what I wanted or needed was to get my mom upset anyway I could until I got what I wanted (really did not work for me). I am determined to be a different parent so what do I do NOW? I picked up Mitchel hugged him told him that I will work on my behavior and that I do things that I am not proud of. Then I said all the right things. I think I am into knowledge and happiness Now. He has been frustrated about not getting the video game he wanted since he got the video game last week. He is also frustrated by the current or previous game he has because he feels stuck and does not know what to do.

So because I want my son to be happy and that will contribute to our families wholeness I can help fix his frustration. I know he will learn that things do not make you happy but if your passion is gaming (or at least for now) then it is easy for me to see that what was frustrating him was real to him.

I can feel my tears of joy well up in me, as I give to my children I get, as a stop and quite myself I get to see the solution right in front of my eyes, when I parent from my heart I know that my gift of being a real loving person shines through and I feel so at peace. I am so grateful that I have my children especially the ones that push me to look within myself and become the person I am inside to shine on the outside.

I am grateful to my friends who I know understand and forgive me for I am a work in progress. I am grateful to my husband that said to me last night "you know what to do for Mitchel you are so like him." I am grateful to Carter for saying "your the best mom, when your not being mean." I am grateful to Bree for saying after all the dust settled "mom I am just going to choose to be happy, do you want to watch a movie with me?" I am grateful to myself for I know I am growing and expanding as long as I focus on the now and the unconditional love I have for myself and those around me I can only do well.

Oh how painful moments can bring about such growth and understanding.

Rampage: Well Being vs Reading

2007-08-22T09:41:00.000-07:00

Ok so I am an emotionally driven person. So I would like the world to take a chill and let up on children about READING. Yes, I agree that to an extent, it is important yet words are all around and when they are ready they will read, damn it!!

A meal for reading, donuts for reading, stickers and tokens for reading, shirts and prizes for reading. What is so damn important about reading that our society deems it as the single most important skill a child would NEED to possess. No wonder we have so many unhappy adults in the world that yes know how to read. What ever happened to plain jane always wonderful always feel good just being well and HAPPY!?!

In the past 12 years I have read the most amount of books I have ever read and enJOYed them. I read them for knowledge and just recently I read for fun. But during my younger years books were NOT for me. I felt pressure to read what they (teachers) told me to read instead of allow me to read what I may find interesting. Maybe I did not read cause I was not ready or care to. Maybe I was an artist and painting or photography was my thing. Maybe numbers were my thing and reading did not feel as important. Maybe I just wanted to sit and meditate for 10-20 years and reading was not needed.

I believe that with words in all things and with my enJOYment of laying in bed snuggling next to two little men (and the siblings that proceeded them) with books, a smile and happiness of well being that they (Mitch and Carter) will learn to read naturally how ever that looks or feels to them individually. I trust in their process as I do in myself. Even if all they keep from their experience with mom nightly is their personal sense of Well Being and Happiness I will sleep peacefully at night no worries.

Moms, dads society take a Big chill pill and trust in these little beings they know more and are here for contrast and pure positive self enJoyment and well being. Focus on your well being and sense of self and love and allow the children that choose to come into this world space and trust. They know what they came here for and know what is best for their journey. Reading is but a simple small skill in the whole picture and life means more in thoughts, actions and space then reading could tell!

Appreciation of Kid Questions and the Internet, more Expansion

2007-08-22T08:59:00.000-07:00

Mitchel keeps asking me questions lately: "how tall was the tallest man in the world?" "How hot is lava?" "what does this or that mean?" I usually answer with lets look it up on the internet. We look it up and then we even get pictures and locations which leads to a whole new world and more questions. Carter asks questions like "how do you make an avocado?" "I want to make baby tomatoes." I am not sure if the internet could do this for us but I am sure it could show us the process of tomato growth step by step. I remember before internet, Danyell and Marc would ask a question and I would have to answer "I am not sure maybe the Guineiss Book of World Records would know." or "maybe we could find it out in a book."

I am so happy for expansion and progress in our universe and I am so grateful for their questions. Just think how truly great those two are together ask and the answer appears in moments. . . Perfection!

My Life in Slow Mode and Gaining More Lessons from my kids

2007-08-20T23:07:00.000-07:00

I have been been very relaxed and moving in very slow mode the past few days "catch up time":

Friday Night Bree and I rented High School Musical 1, she wanted me to see the first before the 2nd one started at 8pm. So we invited friends (they refused to see that "crap") and so we choose to spend the night just her and I doing High School Marathon alone. Now at first I did NOT want to see or hear any thing remotely musical (lovey dovey etc) but as Bree's mother I wanted Bree to have fun. I made her veggie dip, bought her special potato chip and opened up chocolate covered pretzels. We started at 6 pm and continued up til 10 pm. Now please keep this under wraps but I did enjoy the movies. Yes, I was very entertained and the company was in was perfect. Mitchel even watched even though he said he did not want to watch. Carter played video games and we watched HS Musicals. The night was perfect!

Saturday I spent the morning at Ceilja's home (Parenting expert) talking about raw foods and then we made a beautiful salad together and had a wonderful lunch and conversation for many hours. I love my fav food and conversation and FRIENDS.

Sunday: We enjoyed a very family day. Mitchel bought himself a new Pokemon game that he does not like and so he decided to sell it on Craigslist.com. He decided to set the price and then told be that if it did not sell today (Sunday) then he would reduce the price for 3 days but that he was not going any lower than 16 dollars. What a hard bargainer! Later that night around 10:30 pm Mitch, Carter, Bree and I got into the hot tub for a great conversation=

Now I do not understand why my ex (Bree's dad) keeps up with his lack of trust about Bree's learning. I home schooled our kids when he and I were married but since we divorced it all the sudden is not a good idea any more. So he is on Bree all the time (he and I have been into fights lots of times over it) to get her to go to school and read more and brib her to read, offering money for a read book. This time my ex went to Blake (current husband) and wanted to know how to approach me about sending Bree to Montessori school that his Aunt and Uncle would pay for. Of course I said "No" but I felt like it was up to Bree to be the real decision maker since it would be her going to school. So in the hot tub I asked her if she knew about the school thing and she said "why is he always trying to get me to go to school. I have decided that he is just not going to listen to me no matter what. I have cried to him many times and told him that he makes me feel dumb. If I dont go to school then I wont be smart. I tell him I am learning everything I need to know in the world from real life!" Mitchel said "Bree, old people just dont understand us kids. My dad wants me to read too and I just ignore him I'll read when I want and now I just love to play video games, watch TV, eat, swim, and jump on the trap" He thought for a moment and then added "Mom you are one of the old people that understands us kids but most of you old people dont."

Carter just said "yea!"

I sat their in silence (I know what your thinking, hard to believe D was quite) and realized again how strong my kids are and that they know and believe in themselves. I was amazement and felt great that they could say these things in front of me and knew that YES I do get kids because even though Mitch sees me in an "old" person I feel very young and I am still learning and I know I am smart too!

Monday: I woke up from a funny/great dream at 6:30am, believe it or not, and then went on a bike ride with B. My silence did not last long enough because I did not think it would be not ok to tell B about the hot tub conversation. He was very made at me??? Oh well so I just allowed him to hang with the kids and I left for the day. Really did I say it, No and if he does not like how the kids see him then he needs to look at himself and leave me out.

Off the subject many moments in the day I would love to be free of a husband and then there is fewer moments I want him still. I better ask for more wonderful moments and work on my beliefs. More mirrors right?????

Now as I say Good Night Mitch and Carter are play some hero role play and wanting to beat the Midnight hour of staying up. How sucky for me and them would it be if they started school tomorrow instead of already learning, growing, expanding, and gaining wonderful memories everyday even at Midnight.

Happy Not-Back-to-Prison(oh sorry) School-day!

I am FREEEEEE and so are all the people I live with what a fabulous life I have!!!!

Being a Mother is Worth all the stuff. . .

2007-08-18T18:25:00.000-07:00

As Mitchel and I laid next to one another and enjoyed some Tv time then out of the blue sky he said:

M: Did you see the kid that I was playing with as the last part of the Life Learner's, the big black kid with his shirt off?
D: Yes
M: He asked me how old I was and I told him I was 7, he said that I must be going into 2nd grade. I told him that I not in any grade and I am homeschooled. He asked how does that work. I told he I get to do whatever I want, even watch Tv all day if I want. "I have the best life a kid could have!"

I want to cry tears of joy just writing this. Do other mothers with their children in school ever get to hear those words?? I wonder?

Then every night I get a huge hug and kiss with "You are the best mom in the world no one could ever replace you!"

My life is perfect!

Rainbows, Heat and Hearts of Joy

2007-08-16T23:13:00.000-07:00

Another Perfect day under the hot sun Bree and I love taking photos and videos after all a picture is worth 1000 words and we take a book full of memories:

Life Experiences, yea I'm Still Learning?

2007-08-14T19:53:00.000-07:00

Give and Then I Get

My Mirrors

I keep wanting to remind myself that my husband is the best mirror I have. For too long to say Blake and I have been at odds with the whole unschooling/life learning issue and this has caused us both a lot of avoidable pain. Last night (very late) Blake and I worked ourselves into another argument of blame and why's. I want XYZ kind of life and he thinks what we had was fine with ABC and so it goes on. This morning when I awoke I felt so sad and I was thinking that what he says hurts me so that I just want out of this marriage (in 13 years) and that I am the victim here.

So I called my soul mother (friend) Dixie and hoped that she would help me see what I could not. The woman is a miracle in my life. She did exactly what I needed and wanted, she put it back on ME. Yes that is right she said "Are you giving what your asking for?" In other words I want trust from Blake to know that I know what works with the kids and I but I know I am not trusting him to find his thoughts and path, to discover what works and does not work when it comes to the kids. WOW a hard pill to swallow sometimes.

Another thing she pointed out (isn't she sooo helpful) was that when I am strong enough in my choices and the belief and love in myself that no longer will Blake need to show me things I am not comfortable with or hurt by. That no matter what another person says to you, you can choose to take it to heart or just see the true pain the person is in and that causes them to be defensive. Blame feels better than powerlessness or argue. Seeing that little child within all of us and not take hurtful words to heart and just forgive is important to help us grow as a beings.

I realize that I build up huge walls of protection from others and this is rowing upstream against the current and does not feel good to me or the person (especially Blake)I am pushing away. I want to manifest good feelings and love unconditionally. I want to grow forwards into a border expanded being and show up for others and give even when pain is involved.

I know I am a giving being and from now on I choose to give all the time especially when the picture seems a bit ugly. I choose share my life Blake and to allow our friendship to happen again. We choose to give 2 children a chance to be apart of us and our experiences. We all deserve to feel understood and loved especially when pain is in the way.

I feel so satisfied and full filled knowing that I get to consciously choose the way my life becomes by my thoughts and feelings. Dixie could have given Blake all the power by allowing me to stay a victim and lead the conversation through my pain. Instead we all win because she made clear suggestions and led the conversation towards allowing me to empower myself. I get to take responsibility of my perception and allow the well being to flow with my part in my relationship with Blake. I so inspire anyone who really wants to help a friend or self to keep the focus on loving our self, giving love and allow others to be what they choose.

We all do things we are not always proud of and so do others, "forgiveness is meaning to never have to say "I'm Sorry"."

I called Blake and thanked him for showing me a part of myself I could not see without him. I grew a little spiritually (consciously) more today and gained more of an understanding of allowing. Everyday I feel that I am letting go more and more of the oars and allowing the flow of love to push my boat down stream while I go forward and the current slowing breaks my walls down.

I love me and I love you!

When the Stars Go Blue & Dust Lights Up & Shoots Across the Sky

2007-08-14T19:36:00.000-07:00

The sun set and the stars turned blue and bright

Dust from meteors lit up and shot across the sky

Laughs, ooohs and ahhhhs were heard, magic was felt

Branded in the memories taken by the soul

Surrounded by a blanket of love, friends and the perfection of the night sky!

My Life Learning, My Window, Kids Life Learning, Their Window

2007-08-14T16:50:00.000-07:00

I created this blog to share my unschooling/life learning experiences and thoughts and though I am a mother of 5 unschooling children their experiences are theirs and I am a key player in their game of life and not their "teacher" or "ruler". I can only know what they share with me and even that is through my perspective. So I came to the conclusion today that I will not discect their learning, growing, or thinking, only mine.

I do not think it is my right to sit down and write what and how Carter is learning how are his reading skills, math skills, etc developing from playing his video game? I trust that what ever Carter is gaining from his world through his thoughts is what he needs to be what ever he chooses. I know that I have a passion for growth as a human/woman and he sees this everyday within me. If I inspire him on any level than thats great if he chooses to go off in another direction I am comfortable with that choice also. I am completely confident that all 5 of my children are gaining experiences through life. Living their constrast (good or bad) is perfect and I am here to support them while supporting myself along the way.

I may not agree with their choices and at the same time I want to allow them to choose, as long as it is not physically dangerous, of course. I think the hard part of my parenting has come as my children have gotten older and really start to gain an understanding of their true power and selfness. Coming from me, a former control attict, this is a bit challenging for myself and yet I look upon it with a smile knowing that this is what they came for . . . Pure Freedom to live their lives choosing what works for them and what does not.

I love being me and I love the choice I made to become a mother and allow them to live in a world of their choosing. Knowing all along the way that they will grow and be who they are and I get to love them and watch while living my own life all along the way!

Meet the New Improved DharMEEZ

2007-08-11T16:16:00.000-07:00

So welcome to my blog and meet the new and ever better Dharmeez!!

This is great you dont have to work out, get a boob job, lipo, or pay for that expensive hair cut (yesterday mine was FREE) to make over the new animated you! I invite all of you to create a Meez of your own (found it very fun) http://meez.com. I decided I take the best pictures in the virtual word!

Hope you all are having as much fun as I am today!!!

Lovz,Dharmeez

Fabulous Friday-Hair Cuts & Live Plays

2007-08-11T14:07:00.000-07:00

Hair Cut a la Miranda (mentor, goddess of food and photos): As the curls from her head fell to the floor, the talking continued and this Miranda created:

Amazing that what a difference life is when someone is listening! I love my hair! Thank you Miranda with your beautician hat on!

Super Summer Theater "Jesus Christ Superstar"

The picnic and play was only complete with the company that surround me. Paula, Josh, Paul's bonus daughter (forgot name, sorry), Kelly, husband, friend, Miranda, Emma, Alex, Cary, Mitchel, Carter, Darlene all ate, laughed, played, cuddled, and watched live entertainment. I my opinion the play was the least favorite part of my night. I preferred the play before and after. Thanks for a fabulous Friday!

Another Life Learning Moment

2007-08-10T01:10:00.001-07:00

The day was sunny and warm complete with raw Friendship Pie made especially with love as a gift to all, new friends, more crocheting and completely soulful conversation with the regular Life Learners. . . I always feel full and at the same time I want some more! Our days are never the same always full of laughs and love come and fill up your cup and get support for a life of pure free joy!

Allowing and Trusting

2007-08-09T23:47:00.000-07:00

Listening to another talk of what "we dont" do seems so foreign now but it was not too long ago that I too was there too. NO TV, No video games, no swimming on Tuesday after 8pm when the moon was full.LOL I know when you are there it seems like some rules are ok and what you are doing seems not harmful. A little schooling or "teaching" how could that be harmful. A little push in the "right" direction and as long as they are having fun they will not know what my true intentions are, I have to guild them they are just children. After all I know what is best and I know what is "best" for my children I am their mother, right? wrong.

I really do not understand how I or anyone ever really gets it in there head that they know what is best for another. How can one person see through the mind or inner being of another? I know that where you are is where you are and that just is. What if we could all step back and remind ourselves that trust=unconditional love. Living a life in which you attract what you want and feel good about the world and if you are not feeling good showing your children that you can come up the scale quickly. Examples are the best thing anyone can offer children. Letting your children know you trust them to do what is best for them and reminding them to allow their inner being to lead them through emotional wellbeing. What feels good feels good what feels bad feels bad. Plain and simple. Trust yourself, trust your children and know that they have it in them to make the best decisions for them.

Guild through example and love and trust.

Become Joyous

Find your passion

Snuggle and love them

Love others

Find a common interest with them and do it together.

Eat one meal or dessert together a week while discussing if everyones needs are met in a easy going way.

Go on a hike, go swimming, sing and dance, show them its fun to be silly and laugh

Play a game

Try new things

Find a group or make one with others who want to live freely and everyone can play the whole day

and . . .

For the most part be honest and ask them for suggestions they are people too, they can be your long time friends. Let them know that you are learning and even ask them to remind you if are becoming controlling or ???? I have learned and continue to learn more from them then any other person or thing I have done.

WE all know what we want and need . . .

Thursday, Knowledge feels so GREAT

2007-08-09T21:14:00.000-07:00

ASK AND I WILL! FORCE AND I WILL NOT!

Through all the stuff that is going on with B and I, I still love me and I feel only like having fun. My life and self are precious to me and I know that even though we choose to live together and "get married" that we have 2 seperate journeys also.

I realize that he is on a very slow path and unlike some of you may, do I cannot just do things to please him. I feel as if he is asking me to "teach" someone that is not asking is like asking me to place both my hands around my child's throat and squeeze just enough to barely keep them breathing. In the words (sarcasm) of Caroline "I do not have the time to ruin my relationship with my children!"

I do have time to help when asked and ask when I need help:

Today Sydney (Caroline's daughter/and my split self 25 years later) asked me to show her how to crochet and then we even figured out a different way for her to do it that she could use her knees to hold the yarn-plastic. Once she figured it out she was in pure possitive JOY. While showing and helping Sydney I was also very calm (very different than the force schooling I use to do to my children) and so was she. It was to me fun to help another person learn something I knew something about. She apppered to be having fun and I know I was. I love mentoring, it is fun-teaching is NOT.

While I was at Caroline's I asked if she could help me with my Blog. She showed me different ways to add my Youtube video's and other things on photobucket and up loading pictures from there also. We were both laughing through the whole process. I love being mentored, she was calm and witty and there was no force.

Now the whole time Mitch and Carter were so enjoying playing with toys and video games and maybe even learning something (what???), while Breeana hung out with us and we eventually did silly questionaires while she read them to us. Sydney and Jordan played roles with their new Sonic toys. We all laughed and even made fun of people (where we once were) and laughed some more of how rediculus we once were.

The majority of this western culture can not seem to reconize how amazing the whole process of just becoming a human BEING is. To go from a sperm to an egg (hard as that is) to a single cell organism to the very complex being, all within 9 months. Then we squeeze through a hole the size of . . . well you know the rest and then people are worried about reading, writing, math, etc. what the hell????LOL Why not ask a tree to read since the seed only falls from the ground or even is planted, it rains or it is watered, and then sun shines. Not very long the seed sprouts, within a year the tree is here and within 2-3 years its ready to give us fruit and all this requires what???LOL

What would we love to be hearing (or say to our children) on our first day into this Physical Life Experience and even be reminded every Birth Day after:

Welcome to planet earth there is nothing that you can not be, do or have. You are a magnificient creator and you are here by your powerful and deliberate wanting to be here. You have secsifically applied the Law of Deliberate Creation and by your ability to do that you are here. Go forth, giving thought to what you are wanting, attracting life experiences to help you decide what you want and once you have decided giving thought only unto that. Most of your time will be spent collecting data. Data that will help you decide what it is that you want. But your real work is to decide what you want and then to focus upon it. It is through focusing upon it that you will attract it. That is the process of creating. Giving thought to what you want, so much thought and such clear thought that your inner being offers forth emotion and as you are giving thought with emotion you become the most powerful of all magnets. That is the process by which you will attract within your experience. Many of the thoughts that you will be thinking will not be powerful in their attracting, not in the beginning. Not unless you stay focused within them long enough that they become more and as they become more in quantity, they become more in power. As they become more in quantity and more in power the emotion that comes forth from inner being will be greater. When you think a thought with no emotion you are creating pretty much on your own. When you think thoughts with emotion you accessed the power of the universe. Go forth on this first day of life experience knowing that your work is to decide what you want and then focus upon that.

Abraham-Hicks

These are words I remind myself and if you ask I offer them to you. Enjoy your life experience and Thank you for all your love and support.

My Life is Perfect!!!!

Not so Peaceful Rant

2007-08-09T01:32:00.000-07:00

OK I am going to warn you that "where I am" now in this moment is not pretty, not peaceful and I am soooo in an emotion of RAGE, ANGER, REVENGE, HURT! Why-because . . .
1. I want a partner that supports me.
2. I want to be accepted by my partner and thought of as amazing (I think I am)
3. I want the friendship that we once had the fun and great times.
4. I want to be trusted, my children trusted
5. I want Blake to open up and read a little about unschooling, about the unschooling lifestyle because it is obvious after 2 F'ing years that I am just not doing or saying what he needs to understand.

Right this moment I think he is ruining my and my children's' unschooling experience and I know if he just read on book, a couple of blogs, or something for goddess sake he would get the whole picture and the light in that hard head of his would go on.

Instead "I am his problem" I am no longer his wife" direct Blake quotes.

What I am unwilling to do according to Blake: I will not "teach" Mitchel,7yrs to read and yet I have said he may if he chooses. Same thing different day, please someone hook up the video camera so that we can record the fight and I can walk away and he can have his moment.
He is scared that Mitchel with lose his brilliance.
He thinks we have to foster the intelligence by reading.

WHY WHY WHY cant he just look around and see Mitchel IS learning to read without me, him, the teacher, the neighbor, the dog, etc!

I see a very unhappy man wanting to stick his stuff on me and then it relieves him of his stuff and if Mitchel reads than one part of his life will be perfect, right?

I am tired of this and I am not sure how much I want to be with him any more and I am not the type to handle unwellness for very long and that is what I work on everyday. I want to stay for Mitch and Carter cause I am NOT involving the courts into my life again and so I will push through and stay for now but I wish I could go (how I feel in this moment).

How can a person like me (one who finally feels free and confident and loves herself and gaining a since of joy) go and "teach" anything to someone that is not open to wanting to be taught or mentored, he is not asking, Blake!
Can he not see Joy, Fun, Love, going on or does he see it and that pisses him off (he would never admit this).
I see unschooling wanting to come out of him but he is choosing to stay is misery and pain.

I am perfect and I feel so much better. I will focus on my wants and work on my emotions. I never made our conversation personal and I will keep my focus on the now and move on with my passion and joy. Allowing Blake to be where he is is such a challenge right now, cuz I just want to yell and hit him (besides me feeling better) I know it only gives him my power and I will not go there anymore. I am a grown up and grown ups do other things like . . . BLOG.

Done and
Thanks for baring with me,
D

MAKING MOVIES & No Complaints & Another Blog

2007-08-07T18:01:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been into making movies on my Mac Laptop with IMOVIE and I am having so much fun. I first made a video for a very close friend/mom figure, Dixie and then rat and dog and then I compilled lots of photos of our family over the past 3 years and made a very long 10 min one. You could see these here on this site except that is the on thing I am most challenged over. My goal is to post the movies to Youtube and then put them on my blog. However, the whole putting on my blog is the part I am most having a time with. I really thought I was or am a computer literate person I wonder if it is because I really do not want to learn on my own and perhaps a mentor-goddess friends (hint hint to all those reading this entry) sounds like much more fun and tomorrow is Life Learner day what a quinky dink(my word: meaning cosincidence). So hopefully very soon you may look at my art work in the film industry.

Why have I not blogged for the past 6 days? I love to blog what could stop me? ? ? Do I dare say, I love to be positive and so not feeling so positive I did not want to get on here and complain. So as Abraham-Hicks would say focus on the positive or make it up. I am here for love peace and en Joy ment. The positive things I loved during the past 6 days:

3 walks ALL BY MYSELF

Going to 2 good movies with me: "No Reservations" and "Talk To Me"

Watching Carter and Mitch do what they love "Game Cube" "PS2"

Swimming and relaxing

Jumping on the tramp with Marc, Salina, Mitch, Carter, Bree

Making a Fabulous Monday dinner: Living Pasta and Mock chinese rice

Eating lots of watermelon

Reading

Making movies

Talking to friends

Noticing Life, flowers and loving myself more.

There I did it and it was not so hard. Actually it was fun and I feel as if I am going up the emotional scale headed for hopefulness!

I almost forgot I am starting another blog especially dedicated to one piece of My Peaceful Pie, Eating Living Fruits and Veggies in a creative way. It is called Raw Piece of P Pie or

http://rawpieceofppie.blogspot.com/. It has recipes and will have raw food prep tips. I spent lots of time up loading recipes I used when I was first raw.

Well it is now midnight and I can barely keep my eyes open since I paused this blog and started blog#2. I love this bloggin stuff I feel like its a great start to my future book and also an insight into my own thoughts, scary. I am soooo excited tomorrow/today is LL day and that means fun for all.

Good Night

Life Learning Wednesdays

2007-08-02T19:25:00.000-07:00

A Day of BLISS!

Keegan trampoline jumping at 11:30pm

Sydney and Carter collecting fire stuff, Jordan fire pit captin, Bree just relaxing 11pm

Bella (puppy) loves Terrible (Rat)

Jordan swimming with Terrible

Emma getting kisses from Bella

Breeana helping Sydney jump into the pool from the wall. 9:30 pm.

Quinn collecting fire stuff, Jordan leader of fire pit, Sydney collector while Bree relaxes

The unschooling group Las Vegas Life Learners or our other family, meet weekly on Wednesdays. For those of you that are unfamilar with unschooling it is like recess with all your best friends. This recess is more like one of those days when you are with your best friends and having so much fun you never want it to end except you dont have to go home until you want to. You dont have to eat unless you want to and then you can have junk all day long if you want to. You do what you want to do and your parents trust you and allow you to do it. Your day is more like one big adventure after another, I think even better than an amusement park.

This week our day was at my house complete with puppy, rat (pet), pool, hot tub, trampoline, jumping off wall into the pool, jumping off wall onto the trampoline, fire making, video games, food (raw yummy food, ice cream with cones, cookies, candy), cartoons, late night sleep over, late morning, knowledge and learning, hugs and kisses, facing your fears with a friend to hold your hand. I have so far not heard of many schools were children can laugh, play, and get along soooo well that the mothers get to en JOY great conversation, food and laugh themselves.

The day rained and yet shined with so much perfection that I wish it was Life Learning day everyday, oh ya it just about is. I love my world!

I believe our day was fullfilling for all those involved.

Our group calls ourselves, Las Vegas Life Learners and yet I call it

PASSION MEETS PERFECTION!!

Carter's Unasssited Birth

2007-07-31T22:34:00.000-07:00

One of my strongest passions and opinions is Home birthing and even more so Unassisted Birthing. I would really love to know when in the ______ did it become a medical process to birth a baby in a hospital and treat it like a medical condition? I think that by creating this hospital birth thing that problems with babies are caused by it. (great video watch at www.unassitedchildbirth.com).

I dedicate this blog to women who have taken back their bodies and their birthing experience and peacefully given back the power they once gave away.

I don't believe that things just happen to us. I believe we all manifest what things happen and what we get is what we asked for.

Carter's Journey to the outside world

In December 2001 I was pregnant with our youngest child, Carter, and due March 23,2002. I was surfing the net for birth stories and attracted a fabulous birth site unassitedchildbirth.com. I was hooked! The more stories I read the better I felt, I knew this was for us and so the journey began.

Now as I do with anything passion I find I dive into the water and submerse myself in it. I secretly began planning and preparing for this new birthing experience. I ordered 5 books on Unassisted birthing and read them all in a week. I was gaining a since of power just planning this birth. Then the next step came and that was to let Blake and my friend and midwife, Dixie in on it. I still remember the look on Blake's face when I told him we would be birthing our baby together just him and I. "What the F###?" were the exact words he used and then he proceeded to call me crazy and no way was he going to let that happen.

Now Blake and I had already had Mitchel our first home birth with Dixie (midwife/friend) and things had gone well enough for taken Castor oil and pushing out a almost 10 pd baby after having only 7 pounds or under. But I did tear up and still felt like I was still not the one in the drivers seat. I felt like home birth was definitely what I wanted and I just wanted more.

As the weeks pasted and still I had not told Dixie and Blake was not supporting me yet (I knew he would come around) I just began to meditate and visualize me birth. I started eating 100% raw foods and I became even more clean on what I wanted.

Each afternoon after Mitchel was napping I would get in the bath with all the lights off and light candles and play music (Jewel and Enja). I began to imagine how easy and pain free labor would be and even added a few organisms in there because I had read about other UA birth were women had had organisms. I felt very calm and serene about the birth and yet at the same time Blake and I still debating and I could not get up the nerve to let Dixie in on it.

February arrived and Dixie had come to visit us in St. George, UT where we were living for a prenatal visit and a conference we were attending together. She listened to the heart beat and felt around my belly. The baby was breach and she told me it was probably because something was going on with B and I and the baby could sense it(she was totally correct). So I decided to wait to tell her because now B was even more against UA. I stopped talking to Dixie and decided that at my next appointment I would let her know. I had also made up my mind that I wanted this UA birth so much that I would have the baby on my own even if B was not there.

4 weeks later B insisted on an ultra sound to see if the baby was still breach. I went along with it even though I knew everything was fine and I was NOT concerned. He was fine and I told Dixie as I was leaving. Looking back I wish I had told her sooner because the relief of telling her made me feel so good. B and I were not so good and I kept begging him to just read on of the books on UA and then if he still felt that concerned we could talk. He refused and my due date came and went.

On Tues. March 23 I was so excited and thought we would be holding our little one in our arms when I went to the bathroom and my mucus plug came out. Now this was the only time until the placenta came out that I bled and personally I think it was Carter's was of warning us to get together on the birth. Still no baby and no B and I coming to an understanding. Weeks passed and I was starting to get a bit concerned. Then on the even of April 1st I began to experience 5 min apart contractions and I thought for sure this was the day. Again I knew this was Blake's baby with his sense of humor because the baby was either playing games or telling us to get together.

More and more days moved on and then finally on Sunday morning April 14, B came in and told me he was on board and wanted to go hiking at Zion. I felt so good still and even better after he said that I wanted to go. On our drive up to Zion B told me he only read a few pages in one of the books. The women wrote about how women all over the world today have always had their own babies, alone. How natural it was yadda yadda yadda. Did I not say these say words and more? YES and did he listen?? Who cares all I knew was it was time for baby to come NOW since he would not come without his dad.

The next evening April 15 I went into a very good labor and what did I do? After waiting and waiting and longing to finally holding my baby, I could not have my baby on tax day! Many of you right now must thing this lady is a bit or more nuts but I wanted this babies day to be a positive one and not one most people dread. So the very next day I took my bath, with meditation and spoke to our baby and we all decided that the 16 was the day. I got out got dressed and started outside to garden.

Around 6 pm I began to get light hugs (contractions) and around 8 their were getting 5 min apart. I got into the bath turned on the music and lit the candles. As the minuets pressed on and the pain increased B came in and started to BE with me. Danyell (our oldest daughter, 13) came in and we all laughed and talked, between contractions. Mitchel came in and out and then just went into the other room with his brother, Marc (11 years). Breeana (6.5 yrs) fell asleep and B put her to bed. By 9pm the hugs were becoming very uncomfortable and B got out the other kids photo albums and we started to talk about the 3 babies he had missed, in between hugs, and during these intense hugs he would kiss me and that just seemed to very much lessen the pain.

9:45 pm or there about (I was not really keeping tract of exact time) I could feel the babies head and the water had not yet broke. I asked Danyell and Marc if they wanted to feel the water? Marc was grossed out by the thought of me asking and Danyell was interested. I was getting restless and so I wanted B to break my water. He could not do it because he said his fingers were too big. I was frustrated with pain and so I reached down and pinched the bag with my nails pulled and the water broke.

The real fun started at 10pm approached and Mitchel was ready for his "nummies" to go to sleep. I could not nurse him at this moment and so Danyell took a screaming Mitchel out of the bathroom and at the same time the hugs were at top pain. I told myself to focus on the love between B and I with no relief the hugs were coming one on top of the other with no relief. I started to talk to the baby and begged to please give me just a little break and within a minute I could feel my body start to push. Now I had never felt this total reaction of my body and I just kept reminding myself to allow the baby to push and I resisted the urge. I wanted to catch the baby myself but could not get my hands secure enough between my legs, so I commanded B to catch the baby because he was coming.

Now as I describe the next event I must let you know that it is as if like in those movies I've seen were time stands still and yet one or two people can still converse while the rest of the people and room is frozen.

Blake caught the baby and brought him up to me, I could see he was blue and that the cord (I have really long cords) was wrapping around his neck 3 times. It as if I did not even have time to be scared or panic. I just simply unwrapped the cord and turned him over on my arm in a straddle position and began to rub his back. At this point I realize he is a boy because I can feel his enlarged baby penis.

As I turn him over and held him in my arms I looked into his eyes as he looked into mine and this moment that was only a moment seemed like there was a whole conversation of appreciation and elation going on between he and I. As we looked into one an other's eyes we both began to smile and thank each other for the most incredible moment in my life. He never cried or made any noise beyond breathing. As I looked up to B all I could say was he is here and we did it, we did it!

As I stepped out of the tub I could feel my placenta drop out of me and when I tell you I have long cords I am not kidding you, I had the baby in my arms with the placenta in the tub and there was still some slack. B put the placenta into a pan and we went to nurse, both babies mind you, in the bedroom. Although I must say nursing an infant and toddler took some time and getting use to. After I had Mitchel to sleep B cleaned up and we started trying on names. I was very caught off guard I was certain he was a she and we only had a female name.

The next day B finally came up with using my maiden name, Carter (Howard Navarre), and so it fit him. The next day we borrowed the neighbors scale and 6 pounds even and 21 inches. He was very overdue I could tell by his very dry skin and his weight compared to his length. I read that babies that are overdue begin to lose weight. WOW, Source thought of everything. I was not really sore and ended up only bleeding for 2 weeks and very little at that. I did not tear and felt great.

I did not sleep for three days from the excitement and empowerment I gained. It has been over 5 years since Carter's birth and I still remember most every detail. I loved every one of my babies births and though I remember most of the details of each one of them, Carter's was the only one I felt empowered were the others I felt dis empowered.

I feel so at peace and grateful still to this day for the wonderful journey Carter, Blake, and I had. We created Carter and we brought him into this world together and if I could inspire any women wanting total self empowering control over your birthing experience I absolutely recommend at least the thought of an unassisted home birth.

Life Gives Words Meaning

2007-07-31T15:14:00.000-07:00

Words are just words LIFE gives them meaning.

PEACE LOVE JOY PASSION INSPIRE DREAM BLISS CREATE MIRACLES HAPPINESS

Can you read these words?

Did you learn how to sound them out?

Can you spell them?

If not you could go to school and learn to read and spell them. I am sure that school could help you put them in sentences and eventually you may get to write an essay or 2 on the definition of them.

Yet what is the MEANING?

Mitchel is 7 and he tells me that he is not interested in reading nor does he care RIGHT NOW if he does read. He does not have the NEED to read, nothing in his life would require him to read and so why does he need to read? To many people in our world he is behind, to him and I he is in control of his wants and desires and HIS learning. Does he understand these words and there meanings? He is smart, he understands passion and frequently challenges others to follow their passion (including his dad). He has challenged himself in many of his passions in his 7 years, currently Pokemon on his DS is the flavor of the time. He displays laughter, joy and all the while inspiring others by just Being. He loves eating raw, living fruits and veggies and eats 2 LARGE salads a day, 3 Large smoothies and grapes abundantly. In fact he has been making his own salads and smoothies since the age of 4 years. He wants to own his own smoothie stand on the beach were avocados (his favorite food) grow year round. He wrote his name before the age age of 3 and somehow along his path he "learned" math or loves numbers so much that he knows how to add, subtract, and multiply and I do not know when, where or how he "learned" to do them. I see the Ordinary Miracles in him daily for he just knows what he wants and knows how to manifest it (he knows the "Secret"). I was talking of school one day and even though he has never gone or been apart of that experience he let me know that he does not need school, nor will he ever go for he already understands how to learn and does it everyday. Dream, from my perspective, his whole life is a dream, he chooses his life his experience and his path dreaming happens day and night.

Unschooling or LIFE LEARNING is our whole family life we all get the chance to be who we are and live a life most would never think was reality or possible. We are gaining meaning through life-loving life-living life front and center as we want, when we want.

I once asked myself what my life meant to me and I did not know, not ever. Now I love my life I love the chance that I have to love myself and grow and learn and be who I am. I am still growing up, finding my passion and joy and I hope to keep doing so for the next 100 years. I know that everyone has a chance to find their own meaning to life, to words once simply on a chalk board can have true, real meaning. After all how can you find meaning in words if living is controlled and structured, moderately with bits and pieces of information given only at the "right" time were play time is scheduled and one is not allowed to be spontaneous??

I inspire you to find your meaning of life and Live everyday one passion at a time!!

Laughing Goddess on Tuesday

2007-07-31T14:02:00.000-07:00

I woke this morning at 8:30 am to the sound of Rachel, a Goddess sister, swimming laps in my pool. I felt so excited (a child excitement) as I combed my hair and ran downstairs to join her. We tired soon (or just wanted to talk more than work out) and retired to the hot tub. We talked of our childhood and why this and why that and laughed and relaxed. Next we ate watermelon under the clouding sky. As we laughed some more I just thought to myself how much I really en JOY my time with her and being grateful for her and the friendship and connection we have! Soon she had things to do and I so did I (lazily I might add) by noon she and her children left to continue with their life learning day and I sat down to the computer and read emails and blogs (my new passion). Soon I came to Rachel's blog: freetoliveandlearn.blogspot.com and more laughs(rolling laughs) and even some tears came on and I was even more in love with this goddess sister, Rachel! She reminds me of all the craziness I have seen in the past with myself running around my house getting the kids to do what I think HAS to be done in that moment: grabbing hold of the oars and getting into a boat and rowing up stream. All this inspires me to think more about my parenting and my life in general and I love it all!

Thought: I find the world we live in so backwards, please somebody wake me up (but not too early, I am nocturnal LOL) when people remember who they are and were born to BE- individuals with a mind all there own. No need for parents, teachers, bosses, spouses, everyone, to tell another what and where to do IT (what ever IT is)!

Just simply trust that all will be safe and well.

Remember:

WE are all individually connected Spirits having a Human experience!!!

(Laugh, Live, Love Completely, is life really that serious you cannot SMILE?)

Relax and KNOW and TRUST that:

Kids Know

Kids Learn all they will ever NEED to know

Kids are creative

Kids are intelligent

Kids are smart

Kids are Safe

Kids have passion

Kids forgive

Kids are Joyful Beings

Kids can think for themselves

Kids could take care of themselves very early if need be (think about that one)

Kids. . . . (fill in your blank)

I learn more from my children and those around me then any 17 years of schooling ever did for me.

I love Rachel,

Thank you for a great Tuesday,

Being Myself and Enjoying Blake

2007-07-31T00:41:00.000-07:00

D and Blake enjoying the museum together.

Being ME and Enjoying Blake

The gifts Blake has brought to my life is so endless and so meaningful that I appreciate him so. I am a very loving person and I am also a very free bird. When I write these words or speak them I wonder how I have been able to have 5 children and marry 3 times and remain with Blake for the past 9.5 years. I do not like to be told what to do!!! I must me able to have a lot of freedom and I say what I mean and mean what I say, and I am true to myself. That said that is why I appreciate and Love Blake so much. Blake reminded me of what life, love, and laughter where about. He is fun and funny, loving and understanding. He knows his passion and joy- Motorcycles! He lets me be and he is who he is and I have learned to let him be. He listens and loves me know matter what. I get the best of all worlds: myself and what I want to do and also I get to enjoy the time I spend with him doing- whatever!

I know I am still discovering myself and my passion, my joy and I know along my path I can count on my friend and love and one of the best fathers I know, Blake.

My personal thanks and graditude to Blake for all that he allows me to do and support me even if he does not agree you are a great example to me.

I love you Blake,

A Monday in the Life of a Life Learner

2007-07-31T00:10:00.000-07:00

Quinn, Breeana, And Gino with amazing Animal Crossing on the DS.

Zeb, Keegan, Mitchel, and Carter, DS and Pokemon its a kid thing

Mitchel and Roman and Pokemon on the DS, very deep stuff.

Sidney in her boxing cat pose made especially by her with black plastic bag.

Monday's Life Learning

Allowing our kids to play and do what they love while enjoying a great day: playing their game systems while in the museum, talking too loud while in the museum (getting in trouble by staff), run around the museum (while getting in trouble with the museum staff), walk up the side of the stairs (not on the stairs-not getting caught), sleep over, swim, stay up until ?? (it is now 12:14 am and all are up except dad), all while I am doing what I love- blogging.

I love my Mondayz with Dany, Amy, Trisha, Roman, Gino, Gabriel, Rachel, Keegan, Quinn, Caroline, Jordan, Sidney, Tara, Zeb, Blake, Breeana, Mitchel, Carter, and new Life Learn we hope to know more!!! Want to Play? We are always looking for lovers of life and children taking you with open arms at Las Vegas Life Learner!

Language of LOVE

2007-07-30T20:38:00.002-07:00

Rachel, Caroline, and Me

We are soul sisters and we know the language!

"Can you understand the Words tha' are comin' out of my mouth?"

Language of Love

There is a language that is English in nature and the words may sound very familiar to you and yet many many people can not understand the language. I will attempt to explain myself in the most complete and simple fashion as possible.

First the language as best I can describe:

Life Learning and Life Allowing Ourselves and Others to Live and Flow Down Stream, our own stream, with our passion and joy with a mix of contrast to give us clarity to know what direction to take.

Lets start with myself for example, I was born as a free thinker (like all children) and yet unlike many children I would not conform and continued doing things in a way that my parents thought was wrong, different, bothersome, and just plain made their lives miserable. I never thought I was any of these things I just thought I was doing things the way I felt good about the situation. I did not understand the concept of school and not being able to ask questions or be with my mother or why could I only play at a certain time or why I could only have chocolate milk on Fridays, or etc.. I never thought the world, I was in, made any sense as if I was being asked to walk backwards, like it and STOP asking questions or doing those things that were so "bugging" others (especially my parents). I grew up feeling very bad about myself, yet from a broader perspective NOW I understand that that was all just a lot of contrast into who I am today and how I am and what I want to be as a person and as a parent.

Now in this current moment as I think about my needs, wants, and passions, I first and foremost want to be allowed to be who I am without judgement or restriction. You and I are different and I love that about us. I choose to accept you where you are at any moment and I would just love the same. Now that I am an adult I think that I get this respect most of the time and when I don't I just turn around and allow that person to be and give them space to do it in. Now do children get this same consideration? I finally asked myself this question one day in my adult world After I had 5 children. I realized that rarely did I or anyone I knew treated their children like people but more of helpless beings incapable of making their own decisions or creating their own lives.

WOW another moment in time when I started to discover the new Language of Love. Unconditional true Love the kind babies are born with and dogs most always have forever. With my new discovery at hand I started to discover all kinds of new and amazing "words" and lights starting going off in my mind. I took a look at my life, my parenting and the friends that I had. I looked so close at myself and the way I treated others especially my children and found that the way I told them what to do and not do would never work for me. I was forcing, bribing, and just plain being rude. I never really thought about what I was doing I was just doing many of the things that were done to me and unconsciously parenting.

Now this was NOT an easy conclusion to come to, considering that I wanted to look at myself so closely and then change the way I was doing just about everything. I was Learning a new language or maybe this was a language I once knew as a very young person and was only now becoming conscious of this Language. I began to allow my children to be who they were and are and do what their hearts lead them to do. I was aware and awakening and then the most amazing thing happened, allowing my children to BE also awakened the children within me. I started to allow myself to feel and to acceptance and love me.

I have discovered that the children that came through my body are my partners and kindred spirits in an environment built to find each one of our own individual joy and passions. I get to respect that my window of perspective is different than anyone and that is perfect. I have found friends that have become the sister's and brother's I have always wanted. I am still exploring all of the possibilities of what my passion is and feeling younger all along the way. I have gained a thirst for living and I do things because I want to and not because I have to and no longer is fear or guilt my guild. I understand that I am a spiritual being having a human experience and I am here to experience contract to gain joy, love and passion in my life.

I continue daily to grow into the parent and person I want to see when I look in the mirror. Once in a while I still get into a bad space and screw up but I know how to get myself out and climb up that ladder to hopefulness, knowing, and JOY.

I invite and inspire you, fellow free bird, to STOP get out the mirror and look closely at yourself and ask yourself "how do I treat myself and the world I have created so far?" "Am I caged within my mind and unconsciously living?" Give yourself the best gift of all and let go, step out of your box, and pull out the map of joy and passions and start plotting. All the life you always wanted is awaiting you release yourself and the judgements, the have to's, the F E A R and LIVE the ART of ALLOWING Yourself and Others to be all that your hearts care for. It is safe for you to let go or the oars and live the life of your joys and passions the stream will take you there.

Watching 60 years of Beauty!

2007-07-23T01:08:00.001-07:00

Saturday night I hosted a surprise party for my dear soul mother, friend, and goddess of 60 years, Dixie. She is one of the most amazing women I have had the privilege of knowing. She set new standards for the look at 60 both inside and out. She birthed 7 children of her own children (long term nursing each one until at least the age of 5 and beyond)and has helped hundreds more as she is a midwife. She has a soft demeanor and yet she is powerful in her mind and spirit. She cares for others and her self for she loves unconditionally. I am constantly inspired and delighted by just the way she speaks and gives advice carefully. I think she is a star: www.gorawnow.com.

I love her so very much and I am so grateful to her for all the love she has given me the past 8 years!

Now at 1:30am on Monday morning I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open and yet I feel totally happy typing away and thinking of how much I love life and how blessed I feel that I have manifested amazing children/friends and friend/goddess/sisters. I just spent the past 3 days loving and laughing with my friends and family. My heart is so full of love now! I get to rest my head now and wake up to a fun relaxing day of gaming, swimming and hopefully more laughing.

Just when life seems so wonderful is just gets better.

Sweet Dreams to all,

Soulful Connection and My Goddess Sisters

2007-07-21T01:51:00.000-07:00

I just laid down after a night with some amazing women who I so love spending time with. We met tonight to celebrate Caroline's birthday and yet I feel like my own cup is so full a present I gave to myself just spending time with them.

I always remember having friends from the time I was little yet I felt like something was missing, a true soulful connection. Is it I that has changed or maybe just my idea and thoughts of what kind of friendship I want and desire. These fellow goddess's are more like my soul sisters that I am continuously inspired and delighted by. We laugh, cry, and talk, we support one another and encourage each other to always get what you personally want. We understand one another on a level that I can not explain. All driven together because of our children now being together because we want to be together and enjoy just being with one another.

I ask myself why cant all relationships be like these that I have with my goddess's sisters? I am who I am and they are who they are no one tries to be someone they are not and we just love love love and enjoy the whole truth of each others self. I love them as they are family to me a part of a tribe I so long for. Our times together are simple and soft and nothing any one looking in would think was all that special, yet to me they are like escapes into a world where only we exist. Like fairy (and this coming from someone that does not like cutesy stuff) in a forest our connections are so magical.

I know we live in this world that is moving so fast that to connect with another human is scary to many and as much as I do love technology I long for a tribal community with people like these women. I wonder how more amazing life could be if people would connect with each other on a soulful level stop with the worry of this fleshy bloody world and connect with one another spiritually and soulfully and see the truth and still love unconditionally. My intentions are that I appreciate everyone of my soul sisters and I want them to know how much they are loved by me. My heart, mind and body are full now and as I go to sleep I send all my love and thanks. I inspire any one to stop look around and find a someone to connect to and love.

For now I am complete,

First Hand Family Multiplication

2007-07-19T07:44:00.000-07:00

I am not sure a women truly understands what being a mother is all about. After all like anything there is not even really guild lines until one experiences anything. For instance explain to a young child or anyone for that matter what touching a "hot" stove is about. Describe "Hot" until a person touches the stove "hot" means nothing and so as a mother I finally learned to stand back and allow my children to touch, feel, smell, taste, experience first hand so they themselves can have first hand experience. Now how you may ask does touching a stove and math have anything to do with one another well let me explain.

I was born having to experience first hand what everything was about. Touching the stove, doing drugs, drinking, smoking, sex, living, breathing, etc.. You can not warn me on anything if it looks even the least bit fun I am going to experience it for myself. So I choose in my ever sexually driven ways to experience being a mother 5 wonderful times. Not realizing so many things that I eventually am learning. 5 multiplied by 2 equals 10 multiplied to the power of ???? See?? Let me explain. . .

My oldest daughter, Danyell, lives with her now life partner, Cris, who is now my new son (did not have to deliver this one thank goddess) and they are having their first baby ???? in March 2008. WOW I am a DEE DEE (no grandmother name here thank you)!! I am very excited and sad at the same time. I love babies: nursing, their smell, their cuddle, the looks and innocence, bonding, sleeping with them etc. I dont like that I loose who I am in them and forget about me. So for me I am happy that Danyell gets to be a mommy. This is now her adventure and not mine and for that it feel mixed (happy she is the mommy and missing the fun mommy stuff I do love). I am a home-birther (unassisted) and long term breast feeder (7 yrs so far) and I get to come to terms within myself that this is her experience and no matter what I did she may choose differently.

This is my part of the journey, letting go and accepting this is not my journey. What I am finding is that for the most part how children are raised does not always influence their decisions of how they will parent or be. YES she is having a midwife (by my soul mother, Dixie) at our home birth and YES she is going to breast feed for ? Then she told me no I am not going to home school! Another WOW to the heart and then I just get to remind myself to let go and let my ego cry a bit. She was home schooled most of her life, school, school at home (homeschool) and finally unschooled. She always said she liked it?? Second I start thinking "is this not about the child's wants and needs and not Danyell's?" Then I let go again and reminded myself that this is her journey, she is and was apart of my journey but she is not mine (ownership). She came with her own journey her own life, to live and experience her own contrast through her own perspective.

Currently she is throwing up and I am feeling the best I can physically feel, now I am apart of her and not her. This is her fun her journey her life and I am so grateful for that.

Ok so 7 in our family became 9 and then became 10.5 ?? See Marc (16yrs) also added a new addition to our family with his partner Salina,18yr (another child I get to enjoy and not birth). Salina and Marc live together in our home. They are perfect for each other. Yin and Yang, he is strong willed and loves to be in control of everyone and everything. Yet I think he does this out of wanting to do want he thinks is best for all. Salina, is so into being with Marc, calm, sweet and laughs all the time. When his temper flares she is there to help calm him. It is so cute and sweet so sappy. They say they will be waiting for children (after a very close call) and so we have Bella my granddog (the .5). They both are unschooling in the strangest way in their room with lots of fun noises coming out from time to time. They do not have employment at this time but I am hopeful that someday that will end, soon with no pressure from me.

WOW

My little tribe of 7 is growing and will eventually be ? Amazing how life works out. I am under the impression that our babies come through us as a portal to come back into this universe without always choosing you per say but just you to get out here and get busy again experiencing contrast and expanding their source. I will still be the mom-friend that I am, in the way I do it because I feel good doing it and I never know what I do that my children may like and come back to eventually. My journey is mine and they are who they are and I get to stand back and keep saying over and over "Life is Perfect" I will go with the flow down stream!!!

Every Ending is a New Beginning

After a volcano eruption life grows beyond amazement.

My baby time (for this life time) is over and yet life goes and grows still.

expanding my source and knowledge I love learning through experience and contrast,

Darlene

The Beginning or rather the Continue

2007-07-18T15:00:00.000-07:00

So this is the beginning of The Whole Peaceful Pie

I decided that not only can a talk like no other I also have more words then I get time to say plus I have questions for the world that I just dont get.

The Whole Peaceful Pie is more about the picture of a life I see for myself. It involves peaceful PET parenting, unschooling myself and my children (Danyell 18, Marc 16, Breeana 11yr, Mitchel 7yr, Carter 5yr), eating the whole foods way(uncooked fruits and veggies only), vegan ism, common sense consumerism(making my own veggie fuel instead of buying fuel) supporter of alternative products to help the universe, finding MY Darlene JOY and being a partner to Blake 47yr. Even though I am only 35yr I feel like I am 19 years young body and spirt with a mind of someone much older and wiser. I live by common sense and I think even quantum physics makes sense to me. I love spiritual awareness Abraham-Hicks is my guide and I just began to meditate this past month. I am not religious or a christian but I believe in the god/goddess or source within myself and the power I have to manifest everything I choose to align with. Since I have been a mother for over 19 years my passion and commitment to my children is what I have taken to the max. I was not a good student because school was boring to me. I was a very great at causing chaos and craziness for my mom and dad.

So I spared my parents the pain and at the young age of 15 yrs I decided that living on my own and getting out of public education was best for me. I went on the becoming a party girl and living like I was from the late 60's going from party house to party house hanging out with people twice my age. At 16 I was pregnant and that was something I never thought I wanted. I cleaned up my act took to mothering and against my better judgement got married. The great thing from that married was my second child and then I got the ____ out. I sure have done some not so smart things cause I ran out and married husband #2 and again I had another sweet baby. My addition was definitely men cause not but a couple of months later I was living with soon to be husband #3, who I am still currently married to, and added 2 more children to the family. I do love my husband Blake, I just think that being a powerful person as I am I have a hard time being married because when I feel that another person wants any control over me I flip out. I love to be free. I am like an animal that can never be caged and for whatever that is worth to me I just need my space to just be.

I suppose this is a lot of ranting of who Darlene is or what I am about I hope this brings you up to date with me. I love who I am I am totally in love with myself and because of this I want to share me I love my children as soul partners and love them to be who they are. I love my partner Blake who I hope one day we are like silly soul mates and lovers connecting. I love my goddess women friends who are like my mothers and sisters that I feel see me for who I am and love being apart of inspiring me and letting me talk talk talk. I love my family for bringing me into this world, although we are more like strangers I hope they are happy and well. I love being a LV LIFE LEARNER. I love being an eternal being and love living this life of contrast, I get to do it all again again again . . . . !

I invite anyone to come play with me and my crazy fun self read into my world of thoughts and belief, you may be in for a ride. I hope only to inspire or challenge you to think out side the box!

When you change the way you look at things the things you look at CHANGE!!!

Wayne Dyer

Love you all,

Darlene